Archive for the ‘love letters’ Tag

unsent love letter mix tape: track 9   Leave a comment

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 9 is written to Allie Hamilton of The Notebook.  You know what, I won’t bother explaning why.  Instead I’ll just let the letter speak for itself.

 

 

Dear Allie,

I’ve wanted to write to you for awhile now, and in a way I’m glad I never did because today is definitely the right day for me to finally do so.  I won’t explain why exactly, and I know you won’t press me to do so.  It is for that simple reason that I know I’m writing to the right person.

Often I think about your story with Noah, hearing you ask him, “It was real, wasn’t it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn’t we? “

I saw what Noah went through during the 7 years that you were apart- not knowing what the future held for you.  So let me ask, plain and simple, What was it like for you?  How did you get through the heartbroken time in your life?  How did you get through each and every day of those 7 years?  Did you just learn to live that way- with a broken heart? 

Having not heard from Noah during those 7 years nor knowing that he was still pining for you, how did you handle it?  Did it hurt when you thought of him?  Did you tell yourself that he’s probably happy with someone else, and therefore you should move on with your life?  Did you think that you could even move on with someone else? 

How did you finally let yourself move on with Lon?  Were you ever able to finally let go?  When you were with Lon, before Noah came back into your life, did you still think of Noah?  And when Lon proposed to you, was Noah at all on your mind?  Did you wish that you were marrying Noah instead?

So this letter turned into me asking you a ton of questions.  Sorry about that.  Maybe we could get coffee some time and talk about this.  And I can tell you where all of my questions are coming from.  In essence, we have a lot more in common than you realize and I’d love to get your insight on, well, everything.

Thanks so much, Allie.  I hope to see you soon.

Sending you and Noah my love.

Kristen

Song of the Moment: You and Me- Lifehouse 

unsent love letter mix tape: track 8   Leave a comment

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 8 is written to the boys of my past.  From first crushes, to first kisses, to first love, first heartbreak…but it’s not just about the firsts either.  All of them.  Each and every one has made an impact on me, contributing more than I’m even conscious of, and therefore, are the addressee of this letter. 

Where is this coming from?  Last night I had a dream about the boy I had my first kiss with in 7th grade.  Ironically it’s not my first random dream about him, and probably not my last.  At first I found it odd especially since my only connection to him since high school is Facebook (as of recent), but then I realized that our dreams are not confined to a timeline.  Our dreams hold the stories of who we were and who we aspire to be, and therefore, who we are.  So now, awake the conscious, I realize that many boys have played a role in who I am today and coincidentally who I’ll be for all my tomorrows.  Mistakenly we don’t always recognize nor give credit to all that are deserving, not seeing that those that love(d) us and that we love(d)- unrequited too- truly contributed to our development as well.  So here is my love letter to all those boys- well a few boys who shall remain nameless.

 
 
 
   

To Whomever This May Concern,

I hope this letter finds you well.  I’m going to guess that you didn’t expect to hear from me having been awhile since we last saw one another.  To be honest, I’m a bit surprised that I am writing to you but thought it was time.  Let me explain.

After spending a weekend talking about boys, life, and more boys with another single girl friend of mine, I’ve taken some time to digest my past and how I’ve gotten to where I am today- and not just literally but why I am the way I am.  Deep, right?  Trust me, you have no idea how much thinking I do these days. 

If you must know, I’m single and really haven’t had much any luck in the categories of boyfriends, love, and anything that may come in between.  Some of you are surely in disbelief having known me back in the day when I was a boyfriend magnet…in middle school and early high school.  I must have used up all of my boyfriend cards on those 1-2 week relationships I ran through the halls of HMS and HHS.  Since then, the ‘boyfriend’ title actually hasn’t been used.  Sure there are a very ‘it’s complicated’s, ‘hook-ups’, and ‘we’re talking’s in my biography, but never anything more.  Yep.  Welcome to my life.

And I’m rambling here.  A lot.  Sorry about that, I guess I’m just not sure what to say to you and perhaps more nervous than I thought I’d be. 

Why am I writing to you?  To be honest, I am hoping that you can help me.  Maybe you’re not able to and/or not willing, but I at least want to try.  I do not feel like there’s any bad blood between us- from my perspective there is not, but perhaps it’s not fair for me to assume that you don’t.  Do you?  I know we were young when we knew one another, but I hope that I didn’t give you a reason not to like me.  Did I?

Again, I ramble.  Okay, I’m a little nervous about asking my question(s) because I’m not sure what your response will be. 

What was I like when we were…together…or whatever we were?  I don’t mean, Was I nice/funny/cool/popular?  Instead I’m asking, what was I like as your girlfriend?  As the girl you were talking to?  As the girl you made out with?  Please be honest with me.  I need to know.

Did you like me?  If it helps at all, I liked you too.  Without coming across as crazy- which you may or may not think I am already- despite my probable feelings for you, I most likely ran away.  Did I run away?  (I’m sure I did.)

I don’t want to run away anymore.  There, I said it.  I could have saved both of us a lot of time if I would have started this letter with “Hi.  How are you?  I don’t want to run away anymore and I think you can help me change that.”  But I guess I wanted to elaborate it so this last part makes more sense.

You know how people say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Well it really was me, not you.  Believe me when I say that.  See, for some reason I have this natural-born tendency to run away.  I’ve done it since middle and now, after all these years, I don’t even recognize that I’m doing it…until it’s too late. 

I’m not writing this to get you back.  That is certainly not my intention.  But instead I’m asking you, someone who once knew me and/or genuinely cared for me, to tell me straight how I am.  Flaws and all.  I really want to change.  I want to fall in love.  I want to let someone love me. 

People continuously ask me “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or make the comment “I cannot believe you don’t have a boyfriend”.  The excuses get old and soon they just sounds like lies to me.  I don’t want to lie anymore.  I don’t want to run away. 

Even if you do not respond, I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to my ramblings.  You know, you’re still helping me even if you don’t reply with a laundry list of my flaws and irrational behaviors because I was able to open up to you here.  So thank you.

Lastly, if by any chance I hurt you through my insecurities and actions, please accept my sincere apologies.  Again it wasn’t you, it was definitely me.

Take care.

Kristen

Song of the Moment: Back to December by Taylor Swift

So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night

unsent love letter mix tape: track 7   3 comments

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 7 is written to my Mom & Dad.  After talking to both on the phone this evening, I found myself defending my choice to follow my dreams, follow my heart against their lack of support and conflicting viewpoint.  The two people who I seek support, encouragement, and guidance from the most were trying to discourage me.  To say I’m upset is an understatement.  I don’t know how I feel.  Let down, perhaps?  Anyways, it is because I’m not sure if/when I will talk to them next that I write this love letter, because I do love them I’m just not sure if I like them much right now.

 

 

 

Dear Mom & Dad,

I am writing this letter to you because I love you.  If I didn’t then I wouldn’t take the time to write and let you know how I feel, hoping that we find some common ground and understanding.  See, in speaking to you both this evening- separately, I found myself upset listening to your ‘speeches’ and speaking up passionately to defend myself and the choices that I’m making. 

I do need to (again) point out that I understand and appreciate the points you made during our discussions and as I said to both of you separately, all of these are things that I have taken into consideration multiple times.  However, my passion for this line of work and the joy I get from it override each and every reason you gave me.  I guess I just thought that you finally understood how dedicated I am to all things that align with me pursuing my passions and dreams.  I thought that I had your  support.  I thought you wanted me to be happy.  I guess I thought wrong.

I got off the phone with frustration steaming through my veins, and it upsets me more that you have no idea how much your words affected me.  Did I take what you were saying the wrong way?  Was that your way of saying “I believe in you”, “I support you”, and “Go get ’em, Tiger”? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

You are my parents.  Your opinion means the world to me, and knowing that you do believe and support me are truly what I need the most in this take chances, carpe diem world of slamming doors and negativity.

I’ve lived in Chicago for two years now and you know this has been the biggest struggle of my life.  But what I realized tonight is, you don’t know just how rough the struggle has been for me, do you?  While you’ve been by my side, you have not worn my shoes.  You have not felt what I’ve felt, nor have you felt completely empty- feeling nothing at all- for as many days I have.  You will never understand how I’ve struggled.

You have never worn my shoes and you never will.  You will never be an anxiety-ridden twenty-seven year old female who moves into a strange new city for a job that turns out to be exactly the opposite of what she anticipated it being.  You will never know what it’s like to feel alone in a place filled with millions of people.  You will never see the things that I’ve seen nor hear what I’ve heard.  You will never feel what I’ve felt, and haven’t felt. 

You have never worn my shoes, the shoes of a single women that is forced to provide herself with the love and support that a significant other is meant to give.  You’ve been with one another since you were teenagers and therefore you do not know what it’s like to wake up feeling lonely and know that the same thing is going to happen again tomorrow unless a miracle finally happens. 

You have never worn the shoes on a broken-hearted soul.  You do not know what it’s like to be surrounded by millions of people and still pine for someone who you may never see again.  You will never wear these shoes, and it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever understand that I do wear these worn-out shoes.

You have never worn the shoes of a dreamer.  You do not know what it’s like to feel unfilled until you explore your passions and dreams.  There’s always a dream, and therefore a dreamer’s mileage is infinite.

You do not know what it’s like to question who you are; question where you belong; nor question if you belong anywhere.  You may never wear my shoes, but as my parents I hope that you can understand the shoes that I wear every day.  I wish you could understand what I need from you.  

Love,

Kristen

Song of the Moment: Brave by Idina Menzel

unsent love letter mix tape: track 6   Leave a comment

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 6 is written to Chicago.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever written a love letter to Chicago nor if I ever will again, but I feel the need to express my love for this city after the fantastic 24-hours I had.  Yes, I was drunk for most of them and have my friends to thank as well, but Chicago did serve a role in bringing uch pleasure to me and therefore, it deserves to be a part of the Unsent Love letter Mix Tape series.  PS. No, I did not meet a boy this weekend either.   

 

 
 

 

 

  

Dear Chicago,

Can I be honest with you?  I was really worried about this weekend.  After feeling down all week and weighed-down with emptiness from the “reason why I moved to Chicago in the first place”, I was dreading the possibility of feeling sad all weekend long, especially with thoughts of Athens running around in my head.  I was in need of some quality girl time, but with Stef out-of-town I wasn’t sure what other options I had. 

Fortunately, life brought a little sunshine my way- literally too because the weather was wonderful- and I spent a large chunk of my weekend with Sarah and a bunch of other friends.  So I guess in a way, Chicago, I’m thanking you for bringing Sarah and the others into my weekend & into my life.  It really helps me like you a bit more.

Sincerely yours,

Kristen

Song of the Moment: Little Miss by Sugarland

unsent love letter mix tape: track 5   1 comment

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track  5 is written to Athens, Ohio: Home of Ohio University.  I’ll let the letter speak for itself but to put it simply, for weeks now I’ve wanted to scream “Athens, I miss you!” from the top of my apartment building here in Chicago.  I love that small college town in the middle of nowhere and it will always be home to me.  This weekend is OU’s Homecoming and unfortunately I am not there to partake in the debauchery and reminisce about the good times in Athens.  But like always, Athens and my college friends are never far from my mind.

 

 

 

Dear Athens,

It’s days like today that I find it impossible not too miss you.  Knowing that I could be in your presence today is what breaks my heart.  I’m trying to concentrate on other things, making plans to keep myself busy, but I keep coming back to you and the slew of beautiful memories that we made together.  Do you ever miss me too?  I have to ask because I miss you so much and think about you often.  In fact, I’ll admit that some days I cannot think of anything but you.  Nor can I think of anyone else but the people who surface in those memories of ours.  We  really had a good run there, didn’t we?

I was forced to leave you over 4 years ago, and while I’ve been back to visit for an occasion weekend I hate to say that it’s just never the same between us.  I always leave you not knowing when the next rendezvous will be, wishing that I could stay.  When I get back to wherever I came from, Chicago these days, I find myself missing you even more.

I’ve tried to replace you with new cities, but none of them compare to you.  You are truly one of a kind, the one that will always hold my heart.  While we’ll always be friends, I hate knowing that we’ll never be anything more ever again.  Distance will always keep us apart.  Why does it have to be that way?  Why can’t we just be together? 

Whatever the future holds, wherever I go, whomever I meet, just know that you’ll always be my first love- and maybe my only true love.  Athens, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never forget you.

Love always,

Kristen

 

Song of the Moment: I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hay

unsent love letter mix tape: track 4   2 comments

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 4 is written to my dear little sister/Pen Pal/forever friend, Alisha.  Every day I feel more blessed to have her in my life, and today her kindness, sincerity, and, perhaps even, concern really meant the world to me.  It’s those simple things that friends do that make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have their love and support.

 

 

Dear Alisha,

You know I adore you.  I really do.  You are truly the (little) sister I never had but always, always wanted.  You, beautiful lady, are family to me and always will be.  I just needed to say that first.

Even though I told you immediately upon replying to your last correspondence, I felt obliged to write this letter to let you know, once again, how appreciative I am for your inquiry and, perhaps we can call it, concern.  Just knowing that (1) you read in between the lines and (2) care about me enough to check in on me with your concern, leaves me feeling truly blessed by having your thoughtful, kindness, and beauty in my life.  I’m really lucky.

I know our friendship is more like  sisterhood, and therefore, we truly do speak our own language of no judgements and complete understanding.  The issue you brought up in your message is something that comforts me because it shows me just how loyal and supportive you are.  You understand me.  Even the things I don’t say, you know.  Your message told me that through the questions you posed.  

I have many A.MAY.ZING. friends.- you being one of them.  While I talk to them about a lot, this one particular topic (that you brought up) is one that I really don’t talk much about.  There are only a few people who know about ‘it’, and even the ones that do, well they don’t know that much.  Only a few know my feelings, and I’m not quite sure if one person knows every thing.  This is the biggest secret I keep; the biggest scar I have.  And while I try my best to keep it hidden, you know it’s there.  That is something that used to scare me because I saw it as a huge flaw of mine, but instead it’s me.  The real me.  And it helps to know that you know me well enough to acknowledge that it’s there, providing me with comforting to know that it’s okay. 

To answer your question in the most honest way I can…‘it’ is always on my mind, always in my heart.  Being able to admit that to you helps me so much, and I hope that I can return the favor to you if/when you need to open up and be honest with someone about your feelings.

Love you, Sis.

Kristen 

Song of the Moment: You Get Me by Michelle Branch

unsent love letter mix tape: track 3   1 comment

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 3 is written to the mother on the train yesterday.  I do not judge this mother for ignoring her two young boys, for I do not know her nor her situation.  Instead I hope this letter reaches her and allows her to open her heart and see the love that’s (literally) right in front of her.

 

 

Dear Mother on the Train,

You don’t know me, nor do I know you.  Quite  frankly, neither one of us would recognize the other if we passed on the street, especially since I never saw your face.  All I saw was the back of you, pushing the stroller, as you stepped off the train at the Belmont stop. 

I never saw your face because I made myself not look at you.  I couldn’t look because I didn’t want your face to stick in my mind.  I didn’t want the chance to think about you later on and judge you.  It upset me just sitting there, watching your kids try to get your attention and you ignore them.  It broke my heart, but I do not judge you.  How can I?  Again, I don’t know you nor your situation.  Maybe you were having a bad day?  Maybe you just had a loss in your family?  Maybe you haven’t slept in 24-plus hours and you were down-right exhausted. 

I do not judge you. How can I?  I am not a mother with two young boys.  I cannot judge you.  Instead I send you love with the honest hope that you will pass along that love to your children- both whom love you.  

I want to share some last thoughts with you based on my experiences, directly speaking of ones that occurred last night after riding the train with you and your sons.  Let me say that I hope your boys are very healthy and you never have to be in such situations as I mention to you.

As a volunteer with a wish-granting organization and children’s hospital, I am honored to work with many children and families.  Unfortunately the individuals that I work with are/have been touched with illness and/or disease, some incurable.  I am telling you this with hope that it impacts you as much as it does me.  I hope it inspires you to love, to be loved, and to value the time you have with your loved ones. Afterall it’s those small, precious moments in life that often mean the most, and the ones we miss the most when they’re no longer possible.

That’s one thing that working with these children and families has taught me: Appreciate the little things.  Each and every one of them.  So often we get caught up in the hustle-and-bustle that life, indeed, brings upon us.  The truth is that in those moments we tend to turn against those that we love the most instead of turning to them for support.  Let your loved ones put the smile back on your face. 

While I will never wish ill will on you nor yours, but I do hope that you were just having a bad day yesterday.  I hope that you were tired and tuning things out on the train as your way to relax.  I hope that when I see your boys next time, I’ll be able to see them smiling and laughing with their mother.

Sincerely yours,

Kristen

 Song of the Moment: Daughters by John Mayer