Archive for the ‘boys boys boys’ Tag
In my last post, I wrote, “This past year (with guys) has been interesting, yet disappointing.” There have been no truer words spoken by yours truly than these. Beginning with an escapade last winter, my life has been composed of “Nice to meet you” introductions at the bar to “You are a really good person, but…” dismissals over text. Yep, that pretty much sums of my (lack of) love life this past year.
On Sunday, I added another guy to my list of misfortune. To be fair, I knew it was coming; however, I thought there was a slim chance that this would last more than a few post-hookup texts. But nope, I was wrong yet again. Oh well, another one bites the dust.
It really has been quite a year and one that has brought multiple changes, both good and bad. For some reason, during these last 12-13 months, I have found myself chasing boy after boy with the hope that one of them would turn into something more than a bar drinking buddy or late night text companion. Sure there’s been all of this disappointment along the way, but I think I’m more upset with myself now than anything. When did I become a girl reliant on the attention of a guy?
And more importantly, how do I make it stop?
On Saturday morning, I woke up earlier to (FINALLY) work out for the first time a long time. During that spinning class, one of the things that popped into my mind was how I’ve somehow traded in my therapeutic workouts for pining over boys. To translate that thought, I gave up “me” time that was always very important to yours truly. Seriously lady, what’s wrong with you?
While a lot of my friends have comforted me with “he’s not good enough for you”, “you deserve someone better”, and “he’s an idiot for passing up on you” phrases, I have to say that I stand by my initial belief that the only one to blame here is myself. Why? Because I have lost sight of myself this past year. And because of that, how could I expect The Good Guy, Green Tee-Shirt, Cleveland, or any of those others that wandered in my web to really take a chance on me when I wasn’t too keen on myself in the first place?
So with a much-needed gym membership attached to my key chain, I am also taking control of my life again. I am shedding my boy worries for more “me” time and a boost of self-confident. So on that note, I think it’s time for some yoga.
PS. Thanks for bearing with me this, well, past year. And to all those guys- and honestly, there really haven’t been that many– thank you, I think, for teaching me a few lessons that will hopefully help me when that poor guy decides to stay around longer than any of you have.
Nearly three months ago I wrote a post after being inspired by the song, Where I Stood (by Missy Higgins). The title of that post was a few of the song’s lines that happened to resonate with me at a time when I found comfort in the context. And now, three months later, I find myself connecting with a different set of the its lyrics and using those for the title of this new post: I don’t know what I’ve done or if I like what I’ve begun/ But something told me to run and honey, you know me it’s all or none.
Friends, and loyal blog followers, know that my emotions tend to get the best of me sometimes. I get down on myself and turn more towards my weaknesses than my strengths. I let myself get caught up in things that drain me and bring me down, forgetting about all the more important things in life. In essence, I lose sight of who I am.
Unfortunately I’ve gotten too caught up in Boys, Boys, Boys these last few months. I’ve turned to them for an ego boost as much as a stress relief. I’ve used them to keep my mind off of things when life got tough instead of dealing with those issues. I’ve wasted time waiting for text messages and phone calls instead of fully & completely living my life. Somewhere along the line, I stopped being my independent, “I don’t need a man” self and instead adopted the mindset that something is missing without one.
And now, acknowledging this, I’m just hoping I can get back on track very, very soon. I encourage a kick in the butt from any of you.
Please do me a favor and “Like” the Live.Love.Learn.Breathe. Facebook page. I’d love to find out who actually reads this little blog of mine and get more feedback from you as my daily wake-up/work/school/sleep/repeat- routine may prevent me from writing as often as I’d like. This link should work- https://www.facebook.com/pages/LiveLoveLearnBreathe/232179646829391?sk=wall. If it doesn’t then you can search through Pages for “Live.Love.Learn.Breathe” or email me at Kristen.Medica@gmail.com.
Last night my friend, Sadie, and I toasted our glasses of wine to some good quality girl time on a rooftop overlooking downtown Chicago. Two single twentysomethings deciding to escape the stresses of everyday life thru wine & friend therapy. With a cool breeze, sporadic raindrops, and the always enjoyable Chicago skyline, Sadie and I found ourselves in an easy-flowing conversation.
And what do two single girls on a rooftop talk about? Well, you know, the usual- politics, religion, novels, and babies. Or not. We talked about boys and the role they play in our lives.
Seriously, if there were no such thing as boys, then what would girls talk about? We talk about how we love them; how we hate them; how we love to hate them; and how we hate to love them. Honestly, every conversation somehow ends up including something about boys. (And that’s why there’s wine.)
Now don’t go rolling your eyes under the assumption that two girls sat on that rooftop engaged in boy bashing because there was no such thing. But we did find ourselves talking about boys and the role they play(ed) in our lives.
Doesn’t that make you wish you were a fly on the rooftop? If it makes you feel any better I’ll assure you that no secrets were shared nor did we air too much dirty laundry. The fact of the matter is that we are two single ladies with a lot to offer but yet we find ourselves single…and a bit frustrated after years (and years) of frustration and disappointment. However, as I implied before, we were not two cynics on that rooftops. Rather we were two girls trying to make sense of the World of Boys and our role in it. Or their role in our world.
Somewhere between the our first and second glasses of wine together (fourth or fifth overall during the evening), Sadie declared, “I’m trying to play it so cool (with him).” I smiled acknowledging my understanding yet held back screaming, “I know! Me too!” despite feeling completely in sync with Sadie’s situation and her respective feelings. Relief settled into my weary body and made me feel more comfortable with what I’ve been experiencing. (Note: One of the reasons for my summer funk.)
Upon arriving back at home- in the middle of a thunderstorm- I noticed a text from Sadie. She apologized for talking too much and not letting me get more than two words in. (Which isn’t entirely true.) She assured me that the next time we hang out with a bottle(s) of wine on her rooftop (or wherever)- and there will definitely be a next time- that she will give me ample time to talk about my ‘bo’. (Can I say that I have a ‘bo’ to talk about?) At any rate, I stressed to her that the night was perfect especially because I didn’t have to talk about my situation and my feelings. Instead, I found myself at ease with Sadie’s saga and felt like, Okay, so it’s not just me. I’m not the only one going through these emotions.
That’s the beauty of life. Your girlfriends constantly serve as reminders that you’re never alone. They give you the courage to be yourself and the strength to overcome any obstacle through in your course. They challenge you to continue exploring your feelings and strive above any doubts that may hinder you from being anything but the extraordinary girl they love and adore.
Sometimes all you really need is a girlfriend or two (or more) and a bottle of wine- or two…or more.
This post is dedicated to all of the lovely ladies in my life who have stood by my side and allowed me to journey closer into becoming exactly who I’ve always dreamed of being. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. XOXO
When I think back on my History of Boys…I realize what good taste I have. Okay, there were some questionable crushes & boyfriends back in my middle school days- no names mentioned- but you Hampton kids may remember my dating track record. (Note: Sadly it was more plentiful as a pre-teen than a twentysomething.) But in all seriousness, or at least as much as I can muster up regarding this topic, I really do have decent taste in boys…which is probably why I’ve been single for so long. I kid, I kid. There really are good guys out there and I’ve been fortunate to know many of them; crush on some of them; and even make-out with a few of those heartbreakers. But that’s where the potential love story always seems to end- with a maybe I’ll see you again kiss. I swear I’ve been cursed for not sending those darn chain letters. But then again, is it really a curse since I’ve had the chance to meet, crush on, and/or kiss at least a dozen of incredible guys? Can that be considered bad luck if I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with these once-in-a-lifetime kinds of guys…even if they prove to be unattainable?
Unattainable Guys. We all know at least one guy (from our lives) that falls into this category. That middle school crush. Your first love…and heartbreak. The bartender at your favorite college bar. Mr. Perfect who you always see on your commute to work. Unattainable Guys: Those boys that have a bevy of girls chasing after ‘your guy’ that will never be yours. A group of vultures (aka girls) that your inner-thirteen year self deems is prettier and better ‘girfriend material’ than you. Unattainable Guys: Ones that you can look at and desire with every ounce you have to give, but can never call ‘mine’ (yours). Unattainable Guy-itis is what I’m going to call it, and is something that I’ve had for a while now and just cannot seem to get rid of. GRRRrrrrrr.
Yesterday I found myself continually confessing to my friend Sarah, who’s visiting from Bermuda (yes, as in ‘Bermuda, Bahama, come on, pretty mama’), that my fate in life is “To be single”. I’ve accepted it and, quite frankly, I feel like I have a lot to offer the world of Singletons and Couples based on my Forever-Role as a Single Lady. Of course Sarah’s response was like most others, “Minnie, that’s not true! You’ll meet someone when the timing is right and he’ll be fantastic because you are fantastic!” I stood strong in my belief but also engaged in a night-long on-and-off conversation (with the other girls too) about Love, Crushes, and All that Jazz in Between. Sarah also got to witness the Lovely Boy Scene that is here in Chicago, IL. Yes, please note my sarcasm. I definitely wasn’t “winning” last night, although I could care less since I was in perfect company with my ladies.
(Plus, my ♥ is with Max.)
At 2:30-3 am, after a trip to the Wiener Circle, Sarah and I changed into pajamas for an after-hours Girl Chat and viewing of He’s Just Not That Into You. As the movie began, we found ourselves talking about the Unattainable Guys in our lives, including her boyfriend of 1.5 years. Yes, her now-boyfriend was once categorized (by Sarah, herself) as an Unattainable Guy. This is the same friend, Sarah, who is most confident girl I know. The same Sarah that I’ve witnessed many of boys ogling after for 6 years now. Yes, this girl once believed that she had her eyes on an “Unattainable Guy” that wasn’t interested in anything more than a flirty (sparks flying) introductory conversation and make-out session the first night they met.
So where does this leave me? Has Sarah’s confession given me hope? Not really; however, it’s left me with this thought: What if that Unattainable Guy worries that you’re the Unattainable Girl that he can never have? What if he has the same doubts & concerns that you have about him? What if? What if.
In one chapter of my History of Boys there was one Unattainable Guy whose own history appeared to be quite similar to mine. Having had known him through my friends for a year (or so), I enjoyed having the chance to get to know him better myself- as friends (with some friendly flirting, possibly, in the mix too). To be honest, as my crush grew I found myself getting more intimidated as I realized that he was one of those guys that always had girls hoping to be The One He’d Choose. (I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I didn’t once hope the same thing.) But through that (minor) intimidation over Mr. Unattainable, I came to this realization: I may not be the beautiful girl, but I am pretty great. I may not be perfect, but I have a lot to give a guy. I may not be the one this (or that) seemingly unattainable guy will choose…but someone will (one day).
This realization is still my belief…even in rough, emotional-draining, self-esteem depleting moments like ones I had today. I have this habit for liking Unattainable Guys and I’m going to accept my fate that this isn’t going to change anytime soon. However, I’m also hoping that life will stop teasing me by throwing good guys into my path that I will never call ‘mine’. I’m hoping that I’ll continue to trump those negative thoughts and believe that me being ‘me’ makes me the most beautiful to the one that chooses me. I may not be too good at writing songs (about my History of Boys), but can continue to write my own life story. A story in which the protagonist (yours truly) comes to find that There’s No Such Thing as an Unattainable Guy, and therefore, whole-heartedly realizes that there are more than fifty reasons for a good guy to choose her (me).
*Note: As always, when I make these affirmations to myself, my hope is that you (whoever you are that reads this blog) adopt this Acceptance & Confident mindset for himself/herself. Remember, You Are Beautiful.
Song of the Moment: Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift
As little girls we begin our forever quest to Find Love. We go to bed dreaming of Prince Charming waking us up with His Kiss and taking us away to Happily Ever After. Brainwashed by fairy tales and romantic comedies throughout our rose-tinted adolescence, we find ourselves infatuated with the Idea of Love. Our Imagination fools us to believe that each guy could be “The One” that we’ve been waiting for…to rescue us. We wish on birthday candles and (all possibly) shooting stars that this is the year that he’ll find us. We hope, pray, and never stop believing that Love Will Find Us.
And then we grow up…and reality sets in. We find ourselves faced with frustration, disappointment, and the inevitable (first) heartbreak. We soon curse that Boys are Jerks and Love is Stupid. We swear to Never Fall in Love Again. And for some of us, and I say ‘us’ for a reason, we stop believing that love exists- or at least for ourselves.
You are never the same after that First Heartbreak…but as they say, The Show Must Go On. But how? How do you pick yourself back up after (literally) falling so low? Again, I’m neither an expert on L.O.V.E. nor relationships, but I definitely have broken heart experience. So when I sat with two new friends yesterday- on Valentine’s Day of all days- I couldn’t contain myself from sharing my philosophy: Live Your Life with No Regrets. I told them to go out and Live Carefree. Say Whatever You Want to Say. Do Whatever You Want to Do. Do Not Hold Yourself Back.
While both agreed, each also brought up those ‘exes’ that still appear to be holding them back. Something that I knew a little too well. So yes, I understand, maybe too much. I’ve been there, done that. I am dedicated to accepting all aspects of my life in order to never wear those old pair of ‘whoa is me’ shoes again. While I’m glad that phase of my life is over, I have the utmost appreciation for having had that experience…which is something I never imagined myself feeling. Since I cannot say it better myself, I’ll let this quote explain my ration here:
“Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want.” (Martha Beck)
Last night I walked through the streets of downtown Chicago with a completely clear head. In fact, I kept walking- passing bus stops- so that I could continue my moment of serenity. Somewhere along Michigan Avenue I found myself with this thought: Maybe I was never in love with Casey? Maybe I was always in love with the idea of love, and he was the one I projected it onto? Maybe…maybe not. I know I loved him and cared a lot about him, and I know that because to this day I still want the very best for him…even though I cannot be the one making him happy. To me, that’s what true love is about. When you love someone you just want them to be happy, even if it means making you a little bit sad. Okay, ponder that if you choose to…
Today, at the lovely age of 27, I find myself (finally) content with Who I Am. I’ve become quite comfortable Saying Anything I Want to Say and Doing Whatever I Want to Do.
No longer to I go to bed to Dream about Love and the Crush of the Moment. I don’t find myself Hoping to be Saved by a Knight in Shining Armor. And it’s fair to say that I’ve stopped believing that Happily Ever After looks just like it does in the movies.
And to be honest, I may be a little too oblivious to this whole love thing these days. Maybe that’s what my old patched-up heart needs to work on because I don’t want to miss love if it chooses to come around again.
If I run, will you run after me? If I walk, will you wait patiently? If I fall, will you have sympathy? If I run, if I run, will you run after me?
If I Run by The Harters
In the land before blogs there were diaries, or journals as we prefer to call them. If I was a betting person then I’d say that my first journal was written during middle school, as it was the fad of the 90’s girls. Coincidentally, or not, my journaling began as boys entered my life. They quickly became my Muse and my Weakness; my Confidence Booster, yet my Kryptonite. There was so much to say; so much to write. But for some reason, since I opened my first journal at least 14 years ago, I never had luck continually writing entries. In packing up my childhood room in my parents’ house a few years ago, I came across dozens of journals with months of lapses between pages and hundreds of unfilled sheets. On some of those pages I found the remnants of songs. Lyrics. Lines of love. Words of heartbreak. Words. Phrases. Ideas. Songs Unwritten…reminding me how I used to seek comfort in expressing my thoughts & feelings through incomplete songs, as I dreamed of becoming a songwriter. Just one of the many dreams I once had in that bedroom of mine.
Those words, those unfinished songs, told Stories of Boys Past. So many boys; so many stories. Okay, there really haven’t been too many boys but there are definitely a lot of stories to tell. My Stories: Childhood Memories & Teenage Dreams. And while the stories were different, each song had one thing in common. They were all unfinished.
As I wrote that last line I heard Matt’s voice telling me, “You always run away.” Unfortunately he was right at a time and there’s evidence to support his claim; however, before indulging into that, let me first defend myself. I am not a quitter. My will is too strong, perhaps too stubborn, to give up. In fact, I’ve only quit one thing in my life (high school soccer team) and it was something that I analyzed for an entire summer before trusting my gut instict. (Looking back, I still would have quit although part of me wishes I didn’t.)
But… when it comes to the topic of boys, relationships, and whatever else comes in between… I’ve been known to throw in the towel many times and fairly quickly. You can say I have issues, but save your breath because I’ve known that for a while now. That’s besides the point. The fact of the matter is why do I have these issues? Why am I so quick to flee when it comes to crushes and potential relationships? Okay, let’s leave the past in the past for time’s sake. I mean why should I waste my own time rambling on about middle school ‘boyfriends’ that I ‘dated’ for a few weeks? (I was always the dumper; and I’m not bragging about that.) Instead let me explain, or attempt to, how I feel about these unfinished songs of mine.
I’m not sure if I really know what happens (to me), but it happens all the time. Maybe I get anxious…which leads to insecurity… soon doubts about myself….doubts about what I’m feeling… ideas that I’m crazy for thinking that he could possibly ever like me. Soon that feeling takes over and convinces me to let go. Honey, what were you thinking? You never had a chance with him. He’s better off with someone else. I let go; I run away; and one more unfinished song ends without the (right) ending.
But like only one, maybe two, other time(s), something feels different. I haven’t let go yet; I’m still holding on with a semi-tight grip. Something is telling me not to run away this time: Stay. Don’t Give Up. Believe. Be Patient. “He is Good. So Good.” You’re Not Crazy. Believe. Something, whatever it is, makes me feel like this is/could be right. And interesting enough, I’m not the only person who senses it. Elicited by a conversation with my former boss, JD, another co-worker caught me off guard with her inquiry:
Julie: “Are you in love?”
Me: “No.” (Thinking, ‘I don’t think so.’)
Julie: “Are you in like?”
Me: (I couldn’t lie nor could the smile on my face.) “Yes, I like him.”
Between you, whoever it is that reads this blog, and me…I don’t want to run away. Though I worry I will. I worry that I’ll fall back into my bad habits as doubts and insecurity set in- as they’ve always been known to do. But what if the comfort of bad habits lead me to run? Will another unfinished song join the others as I take that first step in the other direction, or will something, someone pull me back…preventing me from running to far…just this one time?
“Come on… give in to me.“
~ Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. ~
One of my little BFFs, Michella, asked me yesterday if there was a boy (in my life), to which I gave a blushing “Maybe… Kinda…I don’t know…I hope so” response. The 7-year old (going on 17) then requested, “Do you have a picture of him on your phone?” Now who am I to deny a little girl the right to join me in some innocent Facebook stalking, but with my phone locked up in the office downstairs I made the decision to forgo my stalker ways for the afternoon. “Maybe next week, Michella,” which I have a feeling she’ll hold me to.
She then asked me, “Well, is he a soft guy or a hard guy?”
Me: “He’s a soft guy. It’s impossible not to like him.”
Michella: “Good, then you’re going to be together. You just will.“
Let me reiterate that she Michella is only seven-years old. Is it not beautiful how children see the world? So pure, so innocent. Why does age persuade us to complicate the world when it is best seen with simplicity
? Michella’s optimism makes me See the World the Way it Should Be Seen
. And this, my friends, is one of the reasons why I love working with kids. They have this power to wipe the cynicism from your worn-out eyes with a single smile.
While it’s refreshing to hear a child’s optimistic point of view, especially on one of life’s precious matters, it may be best to hear the truth from one of your peers- someone who knows all about fantasy vs. reality. Someone who’s believed in those same dreams & fantasies, and experienced the joys sorrows that real life brings. Enter Dina. My dear friend and mentor. While our life stories have different characters and settings, somehow our personality traits and plots align quite nicely. So if I have to hear the truth from someone, Dina is definitely the one I choose.
After reading through her email this morning, which was in response to yesterday’s post
, this quote immediately popped into my head: Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale of all. (Hans Christian Andersen)
To shine light on the reasons why her words touched me today, I’ll share this part now:
The key is to believe that it is possible and that you deserve it, and to allow it to happen when you do find it… and make sure that he knows what you are all about when you meet so there are no surprises.
She said more. Much more. But that’s for my eyes only. Okay I’ll share one more thing, that pertains to all my love confessions for (the fictitious, yet remarkable) Aidan Shaw. Dina’s truthful words spoke: The difference is that Aidan was an actor…Nittin (her husband) is the real thing. He deserves the “Aidan” crowning. He also deserves Dina’a heart.
The fact of life, Real Life
, is that there aren’t many Aidans in this world. BUT, thankfully, there are some out there. Aidans are Guardian
Angels disguised as humans, walking amongst us trying their best to fit in. However, they don’t blend in too well. In fact, they downright Stand Out
. Shine Brightly. Maybe even Sparkle a bit. The Lucky Ones catch their eye. The Worthy Ones are the only ones deserving of Their Love. It’s neither that Aidans are arrogant nor pompous, but it’s more that they know what they are looking for. They know they deserve the best and won’t stop until they find Her. For He Will Be Loved the Way He Deserves to Be Loved.
I wasn’t quite sure how to end this post, but I think I do now. Based on my experiences and those I observe, and those love stories that I crave, I’m going to make an assumption: We don’t always recognize a good thing when it’s right in front of us.
Speaking on behalf of myself and the ladies here, we grow up believing in those fairy tales and waiting for the fireworks to literally go off when we find Prince Charming. But the truth is, Prince Charming isn’t real. Aidan really is a character played by John Corbett. But boys like Nittin, Ken, and Nick are out there. They are real. They are the guys that we spend our life waiting for. But sometimes we’re so used to waiting that we don’t always realize when the real thing arrives. If you have any doubts, just pinch yourself. Let yourself know
that it’s real. Don’t waste any more time waiting. Remember that those Aidans don’t come around every day. If you have one, a real one, then don’t hold yourself back. I promise you if you don’t make him yours, then someone else will. ♥