Archive for the ‘life is beautiful’ Category
More now than any other time in my life (thus far), I am completely aware of the transitional periods that life throws upon us. For example, those few months between college graduation and “the real world” presented many challenging moments for me as I tried to figure out those inevitable questions “Who am I?” and “What do I do now?”.
But while those days were rough in their own way, this new phase of life certainly brings up many new ideas and challenges that I’ve really never given too much thought to in the past.
When you’re a single lady, as I was for nearly 28 1/2 years, your ideology is focused on friends, job, bills, and boys. You spend most of your time texting with your friends and Facebook stalking all of those ex-crushes from your past. On the weekends, you daydream over glasses of wine what life would be like with a boyfriend.
Then you find yourself with a boyfriend… and before you know it, you’re in love.
And soon you’re engaged and planning a wedding.
But what no one really tells you is that once the bliss of the engagement wears off, you find yourself stuck in the spotlight of decision-making. Every phone call is asking about dates, venues, colors, and guest lists. Every email is about bridal shows, dresses, flowers, and registries.
To be honest, I keep thinking to myself, Can’t we just get married already? Should we just elope and get it over with? I bring it up to Cubby every other week just to see how he’s doing. I mean we are about thirteen and a half months from the BIG DAY and most days I don’t want to wait! I always tell him, “I would have married you yesterday”.
Okay, enough of the gushy stuff. I still need to take about babies!!
Babies! Babies! Babies!
All over my Facebook feed, people are announcing their pregnancies. People from high school, from college, from past jobs… everyone is having babies! It’s such a beautiful time in life for these people.
With being around kids at least five days a week, and seeing all of these adorable baby pictures, I’ll come forth and admit that I’ve found myself thinking about having babies of my own. Okay, I’ve done more than thinking about it- I’ve actually started making a list of baby names. Crazy, right? What’s crazy is that I’m more worried that someone will take my names before I have these children I’m daydreaming about. (I admit, I really am crazy.)
But seriously, is this normal? Am I normal? Once you’ve set a wedding date, does is the brain programmed to start thinking about babies?
All I know is that the thirties are proving to bring a lot of changes into my life, and I’m actually ready for them. Although, I think I’ll wait another two years (or more) to have a baby.
No, it was perfect because finally, here he was. The guy who wouldn’t let me get away with anything. I always thought of that as the moment you can into focus. Like, “Oh, there you were.”
Life has been busy for me. Between internship and grad school, there’s been homework and babysitting. But despite the stress and weariness, these past eight months I’ve been lucky enough to have a partner by my side. Yes, Cubby and I are still together, and we actually just hit the eight month mark. Crazy, right? To be honest, it’s pretty amazing…but more on that later.
For the past three years, I’ve been using this blog to contemplate life as a single girl and attempt to figure out what that thing called L.O.V.E. was all about. I’ve written about the boys I’ve met and the adventures that I’ve had. I’ve opened up about my struggles with anxiety and depression and shared some of the most difficult and challenging moments of my life.
But now, I’m writing to tell you that I am very happy and very in love with Cubby.
Yes, this blogger of yours is completely in love with Cubby and honestly, I can’t remember life before his name. (Cue John Mayer song, City Love.) We are in a very good place and everything seems to be getting better and better. Knock on wood. To tell you the truth, it took me a while to fully realize that I was in love with him- mostly because it’s something I’m not used to.
He is A*MAY*ZING. He really is. But above all of his wonderful traits, he is great for me. And from what he tells me, I’m great for him too. We are good together, and we are very happy.
These last eight months have been very challenging for us, as individuals who are both trying to launch their professional careers and overcome the stresses of living life in the big city. But I honestly cannot imagine how I would have gotten through these last few eight months without him. He’s been by my side (literally) during my breakdowns and through a multitude of papers and assignments that sucked the life out of me. He’s been my rock. One of my best friends.
Above all, he has loved me, and allowed me to love him.
Every now and then, I’m reminded of a post I wrote about a year and a half ago. It’s a post that many have thanked me for writing because it comforted them to know that someone else had experienced the same loss, pain, and heartbreak as they have. The post is called, Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.(http://livelovelearnbreathe.com/2011/03/30/regrets-and-mistakes-theyre-memories-made-who-would-have-known-how-bittersweet-this-would-taste/), and I can tell you know that it’s nothing more than a memory from the past.
But I’m not here to write about the past… nor the pain one endures from a broken heart. Instead I am here to provide evidence that one can overcome heartbreak and learn to love again. Just like Jennifer Aniston, I, myself, am proof that love can find the wounded.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to how one finds love again- nor does (my friend) Jen. But, I’ll speak for both of us and say that the only way to find love again is to take chances and never give up hope.
I’ve been with Cubby for 4 months, and while our relationship has its ups-and-downs, I will admit that he has made me believe again. Yes, the guy I met on a random Sunday Funday has stolen my heart and helped me see that love is possible (again).
So if I can do it… despite all of the bad luck, heartbreak, and frustration… SO CAN YOU!!!
Kelly Clarkson recently stated that her happy relationship (and wonderful boyfriend) were ruining her creativity (aka her ‘angry girl music’). Well, in a way I guess I can say the same about me. Since my relationship with Tony began (approximately) two months ago, I’ve found myself failing to find any reason to sit down and write out a blog post. Okay, part of that may be a result of not having much time to myself with all of the guests that I’ve been hosting lately, but still, I think it’s safe to say that my A*MAY*ZING boyfriend has something to do with it to. I mean, honestly, and those that know him will agree, there is nothing bad to say about him and our relationship. Absolutely nothing. And if there was, then it would be that I’m not sure if I’m fully deserving of being with such a wonderful guy… but let’s not go there tonight, okay?
So, since I haven’t really written much about him and our relationship on this little ol’ blog of mine, I can start by sharing our story.
Once upon a time, on a Sunday Funday (or Sunday, April 15, 2012), I found myself engaging in some all-day drinking with a few friends before heading to my favorite Chicago (Sunday country music bar) for dinner and another drink. (Note: This bar is also where I met Cleveland, as well as another former hookup, so it’s been known for shenanigans.) Minutes after our arrival, I began conversing with a friend of Cubby’s while Jenny (one of my best friends) soon started talking to Cubby. (Honestly, I didn’t even remember seeing him.) Now some, or most, of the details are blurry, but I do remember him insisting on buying me another screwdriver after mine was knocked over, and when he went to scout out the server Jenny saying, “He thinks you’re cute. Go talk to him.” So I did…or rather he started talking to me. Again, it’s kinda blurry, but I will say that at one point he asked for my phone number and assured my cynical self that he was going to call me the next day and take me out the following week/weekend. (He followed through.)
Since that night, Cubby has been nothing but incredible. I’d say perfect, but I don’t want him to start slacking off. (He wouldn’t anyways, but let’s play it safe here.) As I sit here and write tonight, I can only hope that I can treat him as well as he treats me.
But I also cannot help but think about all of the times I’ve written about love and relationships on this blog, feeling both hopeful and hopeless. Above all, I remember wanting to experience it so badly, even though I wasn’t sure if I would ever truly be someone’s girlfriend. Despite those uncertainties and the ones I addressed during my last post, I am someone’s girlfriend; and although I’m not the best girlfriend (yet), I’m a very lucky girl to call him mine.
Looking back on the past two months, I’ll say that I really wasn’t (necessarily) looking to be in a relationship; however, I think this blog is proof that I’ve been looking for a guy like Cubby for a very long time. While I don’t know what the future holds for us, I will say that I’m so glad that he came into my life when he did. Like I said, I’m a very lucky girl.
Cubby’s Favorite Song (Seriously): Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen
Tonight, for the first time in at least a year, I got off my Brown Line stop and headed down Diversey to the apartment at roughly a decent hour for a weekday night. (Around 6 pm, I believe.) Actually, after getting off the train and heading home- with a detour through Trader Joe’s first- I wondered,Wait, did I make this whole spring break thing up and should really be in class right now? Yes, unfortunately that’s the truth. It sounds like this spring break arrived at the perfect time.
Anyways, as the evening sky darkened, I found myself experiencing some sort of the deja vu. Soon I found myself recalling all of those previous walks home from the train stop that accompanied my relocation to Chicago more than three years ago. As some know, back in the beginning no one- including me- thought that I would make it through the year without moving back to Columbus. However, here I am nearly 3.5 years later, and all I can think about is how much has changed.
For goodness sake, this past year has been an array of changes in itself. From leaving the job that brought here to beginning a full-time grad school program for Child Life, my daily life has kept me on my toes and clinging to any chance of a social life that I could grasp. To tell you the truth, my social life hasn’t been too adventurous lately; however, overall this past year has allotted a fair share of OMG moments. And the wrap-up of this past year couldn’t go without mentioning the boys that somehow found their way into my life. Yeah, some of those situations should more appropriately be classified as WTF moments. However, even thought I had some luck in the guy department this past year, I can stress that there is neither a ring on my finger nor a bun in the oven. Heck, there isn’t even an “It’s complicated” status for this girl anymore.
But then again, while this year has been somewhat adventurous, it also hasn’t been easy. Along with all the changes, I found myself struggling at different points of the year. (Oh well, enough about that.)
As I lay in my bed, ready to fall asleep at the time that I typically arrive home from class, I find myself reflecting back on my time in Chicago and all of the obstacles that I’ve fought to overcome. Wow. It’s really been a wild ride these past 3.5 years, hasn’t it? And to tell you the truth, when I think about every single challenge that I faced, I also remember the friends- either in or outside of Chicago- that helped me adapt to this new life.
While I’m not entirely sure if I’ve reached the point where I truly see Chicago as “home”, I will say that tonight’s walk home allowed me to see just how much of a life I have made for myself here. I guess it’s best to end this post by saying, “I’m glad I came to Chicago in the first place.”
Song of the Moment: Glad You Came by The Wanted
I’m not going to sugarcoat it like everyone else seems to do. I’m not going to tell you that you should celebrate the life that lays ahead of you. The freedom that is granted to you, and the infinite opportunities at your fingertips. Nope, I won’t go there because I know, firsthand, how difficult it is to be twenty-eight and single. I know how lonely it can be to wake up without a boyfriend’s “Good morning, beautiful” text or your Starbucks drink in a to-go cup delivered with love by your doting husband or the cheery calls of an adorable toddler from the room across the hall.
I know that it’s scary to not know what life has in store for you. And even though many will stress how exciting the unknown is, I know it’s more terrifying than anything. I know that you spend more time worrying what you don’t have than fantasizing about what you do. For example, you focus more on why you don’t have a boyfriend, fiance, or husband rather than being excited that you still have the chance to meet the Love of your Life around any corner, or dark bar. Or grocery store trip, because for some reason I’ve been told that it’s the best place to meet someone. (Yeah, I’m not really sold on that, especially since most people at my grocery stores are elderly or obviously in relationships and/or with children.)
I know that when you’re single, at any point in your twenties, you tend to ask, “What is wrong with me? Why am I still single? Why am I always single?” Well, to be honest, I have absolutely no idea why you are single. Consider this one of the great mysteries of the world. But what I do know is that you deserve to be loved and deserve to love someone amazing.
And one day, I promise you, this will come true. One day you will look back on the time when you were twenty-eight and single and wonder why you ever worried in the first place. I really do believe this, so I hope you will to. You are too beautiful, too special to be anything less than ridiculously happy. Maybe twenty-eight isn’t the year you find the love you deserve, but who’s to say twenty-nine won’t be?
Just remember you are worthy of all the beauty, love, and happiness in this world.
As soon as I felt the sun on my skin and the breeze through my hair, I knew that it was going to be hard to leave this place. California. Never in my mind did I think I was going to fall in love with California- let alone fall in love at first sight. Heck, until this summer I wasn’t sure I’d ever even see California.
Last Friday morning my friend, Jenny, and I fled the craziness that is Chicago for a four-day weekend in sunny California. After landing and getting our rental car, I found myself taken by the fresh air as we drove to San Francisco with our windows down and sunglasses on. With the sun shining down on me, I had one of those moments of recognition that there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
I could call my weekend in Northern California perfect, but instead I’ll reference it as being exactly what I needed. After a summer of anxiety and a few months of nothing but work-school-sleep-repeat, a weekend of sunshine and freedom was just the ticket. Add one of my best friends and a countryside of vineyards into the mix, and perfection may actually be the best way to describe it.
It is nearly impossible for me to give justice to the beauty that I experienced during my four days in California. Between the exquisite landscapes and the relaxing environment, I found peace. Peace within my surroundings, but most importantly peace within myself. Sure the wine had something to do with it, as did the companionship with Jenny; however, there was so much more to it that words simply cannot capture. In essence, I discovered myself. My true self. The girl without worries. The girl who lives fearlessly with no regrets. The girl who does what she says and says what she means. The girl who is comfortable being single and doesn’t rely on the affection of a man to complete her. The girl who believes she is beautiful- inside and out.
California was truly an awakening experience. Not only did I uncover things about myself, but I came to recognize how important certain things are to me. Within ten hours of my arrival back to Chicago, I was forced to adapt to a changing culture and face a somewhat stressful situation. This last week hasn’t been easy, but fortunately I’ve been able to keep my California sense with me and embrace it all with as much ease as possible. To be fair, if it wasn’t for my four days in California, I’m not certain that I could have handle such a buzzkill. But then again, as they say, “Everything happens for a reason.”
For the first time in a while, I felt free in California. I felt like nothing mattered expect where I was at the present time. Sure I knew that things were bound to change when I returned to Chicago, but then again I remained hopeful that my peace of mind would stay intact. And if not, then at least I had the vivid memories of the sun shining down on me as the wind blew through my hair as I drove through the captivating state of California.
*The title of this post is lyrics from Free by Zac Brown Band.