Archive for the ‘love love love’ Tag
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. (Nora Ephron)
Sixteen months ago to the day, I found myself on an A*MAY*ZING first date with a guy I met the week before at a country bar on a Sunday Funday. And now, roughly 500 days after we met, we are engaged and anxiously awaiting our November 1, 2014 wedding date.
These past sixteen months have been beyond wonderful, and the day Cubby proposed is a day that I’ll never forget. But more than all of these unforgettable memories, I cannot begin to address how much I have learned about life, love, relationships, Cubby, and myself.
I can also say that life is completely unpredictable! Here I am, turning thirty in a few weeks, and a year ago I never would have predicted that I would be a fiancée before I was thirty years old! Actually, two years ago, I never would have thought that I would have a boyfriend before I turned thirty! But I found a fantastic boyfriend… who turned into a spectacular fiancé… and who will undoubtedly be the best husband.
Reflecting on these incredible changes in my life over the past year and a half, the best advice that I can give anyone is to always say “Yes!” to the opportunities that life brings you. Say “Yes!” when your girlies or buddies ask you to spend a Sunday Funday at the bars. Say “Yes!” to the cute guy who asks you out on a date the following weekend. And most definitely say “Yes!” to love and all of the joy and happiness that comes with it.
No, it was perfect because finally, here he was. The guy who wouldn’t let me get away with anything. I always thought of that as the moment you can into focus. Like, “Oh, there you were.”
Life has been busy for me. Between internship and grad school, there’s been homework and babysitting. But despite the stress and weariness, these past eight months I’ve been lucky enough to have a partner by my side. Yes, Cubby and I are still together, and we actually just hit the eight month mark. Crazy, right? To be honest, it’s pretty amazing…but more on that later.
For the past three years, I’ve been using this blog to contemplate life as a single girl and attempt to figure out what that thing called L.O.V.E. was all about. I’ve written about the boys I’ve met and the adventures that I’ve had. I’ve opened up about my struggles with anxiety and depression and shared some of the most difficult and challenging moments of my life.
But now, I’m writing to tell you that I am very happy and very in love with Cubby.
Yes, this blogger of yours is completely in love with Cubby and honestly, I can’t remember life before his name. (Cue John Mayer song, City Love.) We are in a very good place and everything seems to be getting better and better. Knock on wood. To tell you the truth, it took me a while to fully realize that I was in love with him- mostly because it’s something I’m not used to.
He is A*MAY*ZING. He really is. But above all of his wonderful traits, he is great for me. And from what he tells me, I’m great for him too. We are good together, and we are very happy.
These last eight months have been very challenging for us, as individuals who are both trying to launch their professional careers and overcome the stresses of living life in the big city. But I honestly cannot imagine how I would have gotten through these last few eight months without him. He’s been by my side (literally) during my breakdowns and through a multitude of papers and assignments that sucked the life out of me. He’s been my rock. One of my best friends.
Above all, he has loved me, and allowed me to love him.
Every now and then, I’m reminded of a post I wrote about a year and a half ago. It’s a post that many have thanked me for writing because it comforted them to know that someone else had experienced the same loss, pain, and heartbreak as they have. The post is called, Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.(http://livelovelearnbreathe.com/2011/03/30/regrets-and-mistakes-theyre-memories-made-who-would-have-known-how-bittersweet-this-would-taste/), and I can tell you know that it’s nothing more than a memory from the past.
But I’m not here to write about the past… nor the pain one endures from a broken heart. Instead I am here to provide evidence that one can overcome heartbreak and learn to love again. Just like Jennifer Aniston, I, myself, am proof that love can find the wounded.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to how one finds love again- nor does (my friend) Jen. But, I’ll speak for both of us and say that the only way to find love again is to take chances and never give up hope.
I’ve been with Cubby for 4 months, and while our relationship has its ups-and-downs, I will admit that he has made me believe again. Yes, the guy I met on a random Sunday Funday has stolen my heart and helped me see that love is possible (again).
So if I can do it… despite all of the bad luck, heartbreak, and frustration… SO CAN YOU!!!
The following post was written for the blog, Peace & Penguins,and tackles the topic of Love & Anxiety- which are two things that I know little and a lot about, respectively.
When Alisha asked me to write a guest blog post on Love & Anxiety for Peace & Penguins, I thought that it would be an easy hour therapy session of rehashing my life stories of insecurity, doubts, and regrets. But unfortunately, for the past week, I’ve struggled to get anything down on paper. So here I am, over a week after telling her that she’d have my piece in no time, trying to figure out exactly what I can say about love & anxiety…which are ultimately the two words that have haunted me during my 28-year old life.
While I’ve questioned how to begin this post, I feel that it is important to start off with the following statement: I’m twenty-eight years old and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. However, and it’s an incredibly big HOWEVER, I’m actually (finally) on the verge of entering one…but more on that later.
Today I came across the following lines in the novel, 50 Shades of Grey, which really struck a chord with me. Here are the lines, and I’ll explain later:
Katherine often teases me that I’m missing the need-a-boyfriend gene, but the truth is I just haven’t met anyone who… well, whom I’m attracted to, even though part of me longs for the fabled trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly moments.
Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Perhaps, I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high. But in reality, nobody’s ever made me feel like that.
Anastasia Steele (50 Shades of Grey)
For the majority of my young adult life, I have relied on excuses and sarcasm to answer the question, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” And when stating my boyfriend-free background and getting stuck responding to the inevitable question, “What do you mean you’ve never been in a relationship? How is that possible?”, I find the anxiety tingles kicking in as I do my best to change the subject. But here and now, I’ll put those insecurities aside and tell you that Anxiety is the answer to both of those questions.
Unfortunately I’ve been plagued by anxiety for a while now, and it’s held me back from many things over the years. But above all, it’s prevented me from experiencing the love that I always dreamed of; from finding the love I always deserved. For years I’ve thought that there was something wrong with me. I thought I wasn’t good enough to be loved. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough to attract the attention of a man. I thought I would always be alone, because frankly being single is all I’ve really ever known.
Sure, there were those “boyfriends” during my early teen years that typically lasted a few weeks, and then a few guys in my twenties that stayed around for a couple uncommitted hook-ups. However, for the most part, I’ve been that girl who finds herself attending weddings without a plus-one and heading home after last call alone in a cab while the other girls leave on the arm of their significant others.
Now, every once in a while, maybe on the night of a full moon or during a road trip back to Ohio, I’d find myself flirting with a seemingly eligible bachelor and hoping that something more than a one-night stand would come out of it. But unfortunately, my anxiety almost got the best of me as daylight hit and my internal enemy asserted, “Are you crazy? He’s doesn’t really like you. He’s going to leave just like all of the other ones.”
But something changed this past year; something that I really can’t quite explain myself. In essence, I’ve lived this year under the motto: I don’t care anymore. See, instead of letting anxiety hold me back, I’ve fought off the doubts and insecurities and strived to live fearlessly. (Note: A little liquid courage usually helped too.) I took some chances…including using a few daring moves and brave one-liners every once in a while. And with each one of those incidences, I noticed my anxiety towards potential love decreasing.
So that leads me to “The Now”. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I am on the verge of a relationship. Actually… I’m in one. Yes, the girl who thought she’d always be single is in a relationship. (With a wonderful guy, might I add.) I’m pretty much living in disbelief, as are my friends and family who have heard my “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” and “I’ll always be a single” lines, but it really is the truth. Even though it hasn’t yet been discussed, I am practically someone’s girlfriend… which means that I kinda-sorta have a boyfriend. Me? Really? Wow.
To be honest, I’m still processing all of this. I’m trying to convince myself that this is really, while also trying to understand why it’s taken me so long to let myself be in a relationship. Why did I let my anxiety hinder my happiness? Why did I let my insecurities get in the way of being someone’s girlfriend? Why did I let my fears prohibit some amazing guy from being mine? While I can ask these questions again and again, I’ll never fully be able to uncover the answers. But I will remember the anxiety I’ve lived with that held me back from being happy all of those years.
Unfortunately my anxiety is something that I continue to live with. It’s something that I think I’ll always live with. But when it comes to love, I’m learning more and more how important it is for me to combat all of my fears and doubts. For starters, I don’t want to miss out on a chance with a good guy like the one I have right now. I’ve held myself back many times before and simply, I don’t want to live with regrets anymore. Sure it’s scary to let yourself be vulnerable and open your heart up, but the risk is worth it. And honestly, I’m at the point in my life where I’d rather know that I took a chance than regret not taking one.
Let me stress that I’m no expert when it comes to love, and in some ways I’m still not convinced that I’ll ever fully understand it. But between you and me, I’m much more open to learning more about it. And that being said, I think I’ll have to start with exploring the whole relationship thing, and maybe officially being someone’s girlfriend.
Sure, it’s not easy and frankly I’m a bit scared, but I’m going to take these chances…starting with this great guy who has seen past my anxieties and boyfriendless past and see what life has in store for me. And hopefully, one day, I’ll be writing a post about love without a mention of anxiety. But for the meantime, I’m just going to take it day-by-day and see what this whole relationship thing is all about.
As I sit in the bedroom of my childhood and adolescent days, I am nearly haunted by the ghosts of crushes past. Gosh, how many boys did I go to bed thinking about in this room? Well, if we could middle school then it may get a little tricky. So scratch that, and let’s only focus on those guys that really caused my head to spin and heart to pitter-patter since my hormonal adolescent days began.
To be honest, I can only remember a handful of real crushes during those days, and some of those leave me questioning if what I was feeling was real or merely part of exploring the world of boys.
But to be fair, I can say that there were probably two or three boys that captured my young heart and filled my dreams- both during the days and nights. However, as I begin to reminisce, more than anything I realize how my feelings for those boys have vanished.
And then there was the love of my life that consumed my heart during those beloved college days. He was the guy that I thought I’d never get over- whether or not we ended up together. For years I truly believed that I would be haunted by feelings for him and therefore, I’d never be able to love another. But here I am now, having to remind myself of him and the fated love I believed we shared.
And over these last few months, I found myself struggling to let go of the feelings I developed for Cleveland. Once again I thought I was doomed to suffer through lost memories of him. I thought my heart was going to broken (again) into millions of pieces without a glimpse of hope to patch it back together.
But here I sit, remembering all the guys that came before Cleveland and how the pain I endured for them, once upon a time. I recall those restless nights where I wondered if s0-and-so liked me to, and those days at school when I hoped my crush would ask me to Homecoming. Though tonight, what I remember the most is how I got over every single one of them, even if I deemed it impossible. All of those guys, from the one I shared my first kiss to the guy I first fell in love, I can honestly say that I’ve gotten over each one of them.
And now, I think I can almost say that I’ve gotten over Cleveland too. Okay, I’ll admit, there have been some moments of daydreams here and there; however, what’s surprised me is how little I’ve been thinking of him. I’m sure it helps that he won’t talk to me, or return any of the few texts I’ve sent in the last couple of weeks. Though, whatever the case may be, I’m left sitting here wondering what I ever felt for him in the first place. Was he another crush? A guy who showed a broken-down girl some attention? Or was it more? Or perhaps, was it ever anything at all?
Even though he’s made it quite clear that we won’t be seeing each other anytime soon, I cannot help but be curious what it would be like if I saw him again. Would the feelings of desire come back? Or would I smile at him with an empty heart? Would I remember those good times that we shared? Or would I look at him and only feel the pain that he caused me as he slowly indicated that he couldn’t do this anymore?
Sometimes I wish we had that extra moment to see what would happen. But then again, maybe it’s better off that we don’t.
Song of the Moment: Glass by Ingrid Michaelson
Just wanted to check in, but unfortunately time isn’t at my exposure today. So instead I’m going to share this piece by Jillian Harris that I read yesterday-
You Can Only Control You
Well, the first important thing our relationship taught me was that we can never change other people and we are only responsible for ourselves. If you don’t trust someone, if someone isn’t dependable or doesn’t quite measure up when it comes to making you feel like a million bucks… chances are (I am so sorry to say) that won’t change. Us hopeless romantics cling to those stories of the bad boy turning over a new leaf and becoming prince charming but unfortunately bad habits are hard to break. And ultimately, it’s not worth worrying about changing the other person because as I said above, all we really have control over is ourselves.
It Takes Two
Another lesson I learned is that regardless of the direction a relationship is headed, it takes two. Whether a romance is headed nowhere fast or really growing in a beautiful way, it’s a result of two halves and their effort and work. There’s no way to avoid love being a two way street.
Pick Your Battles
Life is short and this person is supposed to be your best friend. Just when you want to snap back at your loved one, think about how you would react if it were your BFF… your reaction should be the same. Also, whether you’re the male or female in a relationship, if you’re going through turbulence, treat it like the first time you first fell in love: be kind, be sweet and be patient. Fighting is a losing battle and no one is perfect. And after all is said and done you can fight your way to be “right” but you can also fight your way to loosing a person you love forever, all because of your irrational pride.
Trust Your Gut
I’ve learned that no one in the world is worth loosing yourself and your securities for. Turn off your heart for one minute and really ask yourself “is this person really able to make me happy?” You’re smart, and you’ve been blessed with instinct so always follow it. If you DO feel that this person is your one and only and able to make you happy then you can depend on a little patience, backing off and time to solve your issues.
**Give All Your Trust
The biggest thing I think I learned was how to trust. The thing is, trust is less about the other person and more about you and your emotional availability and confidence. If it turns out that he actually is untrustworthy you’ll find out in due time and know that you always did your best to support the relationship. Though it’s hurtful to have someone deceive your trust, investing and trusting people is always the right way to go because you’ll never get anywhere in a relationship if you don’t dive in 100 percent. So when it comes to trust in love I learned to give it all; you’ll come out in a good place either way.
In order to write this post to the best of my ability, I must admit that I’ve been watching The Bachelorette this season. Now in mentioning this, it is necessary to remind you that I’ve stuck with my boycott and haven’t watched a single episode of The Bachelor since the Jake-Choosing-Vienna moment shook my guilty pleasure TV-watching world. (Bachelor Boycott Begins post)
Anyways… for those of you who haven’t had the privilege to watch this season of The Bachelorette with me, I’ll tell you that I’m the President of Team JP. Every viewing party can be summarized by me saying, “This show is ridiculous!” and expressing my love for JP: Ashley is crazy if she lets this guy get away. He’s the kind of you always hope to find. Therefore if she doesn’t choose him, then it’s certainly her loss. (Maybe my gain? Wishful thinking…)
Okay, I’m not really love with him; however, this past episode certainly caused my admiration for him to skyrocket. In reference to his previously broken heart, he spoke the most honest words that can only be learned through such a soul-wrenching experience (aka love).
He said, “Unless I completely put myself out there and expose my vulnerability and allow myself to get hurt, there’s no way that we could ever work. I’ve accepted the fact of all of this, if I get completely crushed and heartbroken at least I can walk away saying I gave that everything I had and I was open to everything and it just didn’t work out.”
He’s right, and anyone who has allowed themselves to learn lessons from their heartbreak will agree too. For one, I agree. Now I could come up with a line of my own, but I’m going to borrow Martha Beck’s infamous line instead: “Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want.” While it takes time and some good cries to figure this out, the ultimate lesson that one learns thru a broken heart is “Take a deep breath, put on a smile and a bundle of confidence, and try again.”
JP’s outlook is one that we should all adopt. Whether you’re going on The Bachelorette (hopefully not), a singleton looking for love (lust) or a rookie in the relationship game, it’s best to have the attitude that you’ll give it all you got and trust that whatever happens, happens. Be Honest with Yourself. Be Open with Others. Live with No Regrets. And most importantly, Don’t Be Afraid to Fall in Love or Have Someone Fall in Love with You.
Yesterday one of my best friends posed an interesting question my way. She asked, “Do you think you were in love with Casey?” I answered honestly and said I believe so because of how much I cared about him- and still do. But that being said, I know that the regrets I’ve had over him are the result of me not putting myself out there. This is also why it took me for-ev-er to get over him. But like I’ve said above, heartbreak tends to be the best way to learn lessons. Afterall, mistakes are the best teacher.
So like my dear JP, I’ve learned a lot from my broken heart. Most importantly, I’ve learned a lot about myself. And while my confidence level still tends to depend on the day, I can say that I’ve been more comfortable (than I ever could have imagined) taking chances and putting myself on the line. I’ve been exposing my vulnerabilities and allowing myself to dabble in situations to which I could get hurt. If we’re being honest here, I’ll tell you that I’ve been a little scared lately- after learning how vulnerable I’ve let myself become; however, I have no regrets. If anything, I’m so grateful that I’ve grown enough to let myself do so. Because like that cute guy on The Bachelorette said, “…at least I can walk away saying I gave that everything I had and I was open to everything and it just didn’t work out.”
The title of this song is lyrics from For You by Angus & Julia Stone.