I used to call myself a dreamer. There really was no better way to describe who I was. I used to spend my days reminiscing about past memories- and all those regrets in my childhood- and daydreaming about what the future held for me.
I haven’t done much dreaming lately. In fact, for the past year- maybe year and a half- I really haven’t dreamed at all. Incidentally, I also haven’t done much blogging either. I thought that I was just tired, or perhaps going through blogger’s block. But since yesterday, I can’t ignore the facts anymore: I’ve been struggling with depression.
Earlier this year I came out about my depression (and wrote a post about it), but to be honest, I never really stepped up and dealt with it… which is why I’m still not dreaming yet.
But I’m stepping up now. Thanks to my wonderful boyfriend and a few supportive friends, I was able to say, “I can’t do this anymore.” I really can’t. I’m not going to sit here and share all of my struggles, because even though I’ve vowed to be very honest on this little old blog of mine, some things really are meant just for me and those closest to me.
Although, that being said, I have a reason behind this acknowlegement: Please don’t hide from your problems like I have. If you’re suffering from depression, please take my lead and find the strength within yourself (I promise it’s there.) to notify a doctor or psychiatrist, or even an understanding friend or family member. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy, but you are certainly worth it.
One more thing: So I haven’t really been much of a blogger for the past year, so this may not really come as a surprise. But with everything going on (grad school, internship, studying, trying to have a social life) in addition to my struggle, I’m not sure how much I’ll be on here. Initially I was going to announce an official leave of absence, but I’m just not sure if that will be the case or not. So if this is the last post I write for a while- maybe a few months- then don’t be surprised. But then again, I may be compiling a post in a few days. Who knows.
But whatever the case may be, until the next time I feel the need to blog, take care of yourself.