unsent love letter mix tape: track 1

The post I wrote on Sunday, October 10th will explain the ideas behind the Unsent Love Letter Mix Tape series, and if it still doesn’t make sense to you, well then, at least it makes sense to me.  The writer.  The blogger.  The girl behind the computer.  Call me what you will but these are my letters.  Love Letters.  Some will be traditional love letters and some will be love letters of another sort.  These are my love letters to those that I love…or once loved…or will one day love.  Let me point out that my plan is not to send these letters, but to write them as though I was sending them. 

Track 1 is written to God.  After attending church yesterday (in Akron, OH) for the first time in months, I feel obligated to write my first love letter to God, thanking him for hosting me yesterday and guiding my along my path.  I commonly forget to thank Him, and, while I’m embarrassed to admit this, often forget He is always there watching over me.  Before I start this letter, I’ll share another one a few months ago-on March 10th to be exact.  Dear God: Letter 1 was written after I read the novel, Letters to God.  Here is my second letter.

 

Dear God,

I really enjoyed our time together yesterday, but cannot help but feel guilty.  So guilty, and therefore, I want to send you this letter with my love and sincere apology for not writing you sooner.  I felt your presence yesterday during the ceremony and it’s something I haven’t felt in a long time.  I point this out because I know that you are always with me; however, I’m the one at fault here because I’m don’t permit typically permit myself to acknowledge your presence.  Yesterday I did, and yesterday is what I want to have today and for many tomorrows.

Even though I’ve failed to tell you this directly, I now believe that you know that I’ve been struggling.  Actually I’ve always struggled and perhaps the underlining theme really is always the same.  So, once again, I am struggling to find (some)where I belong.  I grew up believing in fairy tales and happy endings.  But with adulthood came reality and therefore those bubbles have been burst time and time again.  Still, I believe that there is a place for everyone and, well, I want to finally find my place.  I’ve been losing hope and strength through the struggle and questioning what to believe in.

Yesterday reminded me that I need to believe in you. 

If I believe in you, which I always have and always will, I know that I’ll find my place.   I need to remain patient and trust that you’ll guide me- when the time is right.  I will have faith that you will hold my hand, leading me along the way.

I don’t know if you read my blog, but I know (now) that you at least have your hand on my shoulder as I write it- each and every post.  You feel the stress in my shoulders after a long day.  You see the sadness in my eyes when the world tries to bring me down.  But you also hear me telling myself “this too shall pass” as I reflect on the lessons I continue to learn. 

So this is my post, my love letter, to you.  Thank you for loving me and for allowing me to love you.  Thank you for letting me dry my sad eyes and clear my weary mind yesterday to realize again that you are here with me along my journey.  It is with you where I’ll always belong.

Sincerely yours,

Kristen

Song of the Moment: Have a Little Faith in Me by Joe Cocker

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