Archive for the ‘friends’ Tag

can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read my poker face   Leave a comment

May 31, 2010 officially marks the end of a month full of good memories, friends, families, weddings, and lots of travel.  I’m beyond exhausted, but as I mentioned in one of my last posts I am merely running on pure adrenaline, love for my friends, and Starbucks. 

Shout out to my lovely baristas for that extra shot of espresso every now and then when they knew that it was the only remedy that could cure my tired body and the dark circles underneath my eyes.  

I just got back to Chi-town after a weekend with the MacPhersons.  Again, I have to thank them publicly for their never-ending hospitality, love, and support.  I’m part of their family somehow, I just know it.  I’m not sure if I mentioned it before but I see them as the New York-version of my own parents.  Mr. Mac and my dad are both hard workers; good-hearted men; dedicated husbands; devoted fathers; and connoisseurs of wine and beer.  As for my women of the families, my mom and Mrs. Mac are almost clones, minus the NY accent.  Both women are prime examples of the perfect wife and mother.  They are the definition of a giver; wonderful hostess; and beautiful soul.

My hope is that one day these four can finally meet and be friends for life.

As I said in the beginning of this post, the month of May is finally over…but not forgotten.  I consciously cannot even remember where I’ve been and when.  I actually feel like April and May were blended together because now I’m recalling how busy April was with Easter Weekend with A, PDoug, and the Littletons (Cinci), Kristin’s Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party (Columbus), Julie’s Bachelorette Party with Laura and Morgan (Chicago)…is that it or was there more in April?

So May, bear with me: Jen & Matt Morel’s visit, Kristin’s Wedding (Columbus), DC (Work) Trip with Laura, Julie’s Wedding (Cleveland/Akron), Lakehouse with the Macs (Lake Michigan).  A trip to Pittsburgh to visit with my parents was thrown in there something else, and honestly I think I’m missing some other trips/excursions but thinking of all this back-and-forth is enough for me to process right now.

Can I be honest about something because I cannot figure out who I really want to say this to?  I have a fantastic network of friends, family, and confidantes but this is just something that I don’t want to waste anyone’s time with…anyone except my blog readers.  So I think you deserve a huge THANK YOU for dealing with, well, me being a girl.

 I really didn’t want to go back to Chicago today.  I never want to go back after having an amazing weeknd wherever I am- even when I’m in Pittsburgh or Cleveland.  It’s not that I wanted to stay at the lakehouse forever, but I wanted to stay in the state of serenity and happiness that I was feeling this weekend.  I hate that it never seems to stay whenever I get back in Chicagoland, and even worse, by the time I’m trekking to Skokie the next morning I have completely lost my entire blissful state of mind.   Actually, I feel like my blissfulness melted away as soon as I boarded the train this afternoon.

Maybe I am just tired.  I mean that very well could be the case.  However, I keep coming back to this same feeling.  It never seems to change.  All I’ve wanted to do all day is cry, scream, curl up in a blanket, work out, and maybe even run away and start something new.  I want to do anything except be back in Chicago and wake up tomorrow morning, put on my optimistic face and attitude, and go to Skokie.

I was on the phone with my mom earlier and I really just wanted to hash everything out to her.  Instead, I remained quiet on the other end – listening to her talk about Hampton (my hometown)- and let her end the conversation.  After I said by goodbye I wanted to cry.  The tears were welding up, but I did what I always do in trying my best to hold them back.  Be strong.  You’ve been through my more difficult things than this, is what I told myself as I looked down at the Purple Heart tattoo on my wrist.  My badge of courage and reminder of how strong I am.

 Is there such a thing as trying to be too strong?  Should I let myself cry?  Will that really help anything?

Libby used to tell me in college how strong I am.  I never believed her. But today I found myself sitting on the train thinking about all of my struggles and maybe she was right.  I mean I’ve battled (bitchy girl) bullying, eating disorders, anxiety, loneliness, and longtime heartbreak, not to mention moving to a new city own my own and dealing with the stress of a anxiety-ridden work environment and financial struggles.

…and through all of this I have never said “woe is me” nor will I ever.  I’ll never go on-and-on about being single and not having a boyfriend/fiancée/husband, although it crosses my mind at least once a day.  And my heart has been broken for 6-7 years and the only time I’ll ever is want anyone’s attention/sympathy is when I’m on tequila (now called t(h)e- killa)- which is why I make the No Tequila Pact with my friends.

I’ve been lost in this world for awhile now and heartbroken for more years than I’d like to admit, but I’ll continue to wear my poker face and remain optimistic that one day I’ll figure it all out- acknowledging that each and every struggle really was worth it.

But tonight, after stress-reducing workout , I will curl up with my OU sweatshirt blanket and watch The Bachelorette to officially close out May 2010.  Thanks for the memories, and the anxiety.

Note: I did let myself cry, and then I couldn’t stop.  So yes, I was that girl wearing sunglasses on the train today.  So lesson learned: Always carry sunglasses.  Sometimes those ‘cloudy/rainy days’ need them just as much as the sunny ones- if not more.

before i close my eyes   2 comments

I wasn’t sure where to begin, but this quote captures how I feel about my weekend in Columbus with a group of the most A.MAY.ZING. girls in the world (Kristin, Ruth, Sarah, Carrie, Jen) and their lovely families.  Fortunately for me,  these are only a few of the beautiful friends (and extended families) that I feel this way about.  I am blessed.

While I want to share all of the adventures of my weekend back in Columbus for Kristin’s Bachelorette party and bridal shower weekend, I have to admit that I’m exhausted and promise to fill you all in when I recover…probably this weekend, unless I get very bored at work.  (Okay, maybe you’ll hear about it all tomorrow.) 

Today was a long day.  Last’s night Megabus trip proved to be wild ride.  Apparently the bus driver decided to take a break around 2 am- somewhere in the middle of Indiana and forced all of us to drag our Zombie-butts off the big bad bus and kill a half an hour in some convenience store.  I’d think that this was a ‘dream’ except I unfortunately have evidence that it was indeed not.   I kinda-sorta remember purchasing these, after roaming the aisles (Zombie eyes and all) looking for something edible and healthy.  Trail mix it was…again.  Seriously, rest stops across the country, would it kill you to offer fresh fruit, yogurt, salads…anything but McDonald’s greese and sugary sugar-snacks with added sugar???

Anyways, trail mix it was, and I’m disappointed to say that I ate the whole bag.  I was so tired that I just kept eating while I waited to get back on the bus.  Not the best thing to do after a weekend of booze and no exercise…not to mention all of these weddings coming up.  Workout & dieting started today and fortunately there are no roadtrips in the very near future.  The next few weeks are going to be filled with Spinning Classes, Treadmills, Biggest Loser DVDs, Sweet Potatoes. Tofu, Veggie Omelets…doesn’t this sound fun?  Honestly, to me it’s does, but I’m also a girl who did the Master Cleanse for 10 days.  Yeah, don’t waste your time trying to understand me because sometimes I don’t understand myself.

Okay, Dancing with the Stars is almost over and I just realized that for the past 4 nights, I slept on a bus twice, a hotel bed with two other girls one night, and a couch the other.  So yeah, my bed is calling my name, even if it currently looks like this- which is a preview of the stories from my weekend.  You cannot see it in the photo, but that wonderful suitcase pictured on the right-hand side (in)conveniently ripped open last night before I hopped on the bus. 

One more dance love- by the mess that is Pamela Anderson- and then it’s time to crash.  My tired brain is convinced that my body will wake up and work out in the morning before the dreadful trek to Skokie, but we’ll see…  Good night. ♥K

surprise spin   2 comments

To make sure that I actually went to the gym tonight after work I decided to change into my workout clothes before leaving.  Oh the benefits of springtime weather!  Since I’m been slacking on my workouts lately, this proved to be the perfect solution to prevent me from ditching.  But based on the (lack of) attendance at the gym, a lot of other people didn’t follow my lead.  It’s hard to blame them since it was a gorgeous breezy day in Chi-town. 

Knowing that I probably weren’t work out this weekend, I realized that tonight was a must.  Afterall wedding season is right around the corner and those photos won’t just disappear.  So I got to the gym with the intention of running on the treadmill for an hour; however, the lightbulb went off- Oh yeah.  I think there’s spin class tonight.  I jumped off the treadmill and checked the schedule.  Perfect timing.  Class started in 5 minutes.  The class was empty and the instructor was a substitute, but spinning is spinning and I got my workout in.  In fact, I ran on the treadmill for a bit afterwards.  Yes, I’m a little crazy.  I know.

 If you haven’t give spinning a try, go tomorrow.  It’s a great workout and therapeutic because you’re taking it all out on the bike and sweating your stresses and worries away.  Exactly what appeals to me!

Anyways on the important issue…I’m going to Cinci tomorrow!!  Friends, babies, Twizzlers, tattoos, girlie time, boyfriends, fire pits, Target, Jungle Jim, etc.  I love Ohio!  And even more, I love my friends!!!  I’m so excited to have some play time with Hazel Nut and finally getting to meet baby George Michael.  I cannot remember the last time I held a newborn!  I’m been anticipating this weekend for so long and I don’t even care if my Megabus leaves at 7 am.  See you tomorrow, Cinci. ♥K

Posted April 1, 2010 by K in chicago, evening rambling, workout

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ohio, i’ll be home again   Leave a comment

Sadly the day has come for me to hop on Megabus and venture back to Chicago.  I just wanted to take a minute to say that it’s been a truly fantastic weekend, which I’ll write more about later.  Yes, I know, it deserves an official…..


In the shower this morning I thought of this song.  So due to lack of time before saying my goodbyes, here is my song to Ohio… i miss you bunches.  As I ride the always-adventurous Megabus back ‘home’, I’ll be thinking of you- with my OU baseball cap on. ♥ K

Home- Michael Buble

morning walk through lincoln park   Leave a comment

For those of you who haven’t had a chance to visit (me) in Chicago, here’s a quick look at my neighborhood.  Technically I live in Lincoln Park; however I find myself venturing through the streets of East Lakeview more often- which is the bordering neighborhood north of mine.  Just to give you a point of reference, if you continue going northwest you’ll run into Wrigleyville- home to Wrigley Field. 

Anyways, this is my neighborhood.  In fact, at 0:19 on the video clip, you’ll see the infamous/crazy-confusing Broadway/Clark/Diversey intersection that is four blocks away from my apartment.  And at 2:30, the Red Hen Bread is right across the stress from my building.  I love this neighborhood.  There’s everything you need and more, including my home-away-from-home, Starbucks.  Oh and those animals, yeah the Lincoln Park Zoo is about a 5-10 minute walk away.

Since I’m working from home today awaiting the fixing of my apartment lock/door, I knew that I had to get my ‘bucks kick in early since I was dressed and ready around 7 am.  After the shitty day & night I had I’m not really sure how it was possible either.  Now one thing you need to know about me is that I love exploring new routes.  Since I got my license back in the day, I’ve always enjoyed finding different ways to get to places.  Unfortunately there weren’t too many different paths to take home, but I’d mix it up as best I could.

But in Chicago, there is always a new path to take.  For that reason, I’ll announce that I love Chicago.  This morning, I ended up going to another Starbucks instead of my usual one near the Broadway/Clark/Diversey intersection.   To get there I opted to take the more residential streets, ones that I wasn’t so familiar with.  I love doing this.  Not only does it break up the routine, but you never know what new place you’ll find.  The buildings here are so gorgeous.  Walking through the streets, I had the feeling like I could live here forever….or for awhile.  But things certainly need to change because anyone who knows me (or has at least read this blog) knows that I’m not 100% happy in my current situation. 

Still, as I said to my mom the other night, I feel like I cannot give up on Chicago just yet.  Sure, I miss my friends and wish I was closer to my family.  Those are definitely two things making me want to move back to Columbus, OH.  Plus Columbus was the place where I felt most comfortable, maybe too comfortable?  

I guess my question is, how do you know where you home truly is?  For awhile I would have sworn that I had it all in Columbus, but when this opportunity surfaced I knew in my heart that I had to take the risk and move up here.  But now that I’m here, I’m struggling to find that clear sign that this is where I need to stay.  Sure I love walking the streets here and the convenience of my neighborhood, but does that outweigh all of the cons.  If you’re not happy which where you are, then why not leave?   How do you know where you’re- yes, I’m going to say it- meant to be?

the only sober girl in chicago   Leave a comment

One reason why I’ll always love Columbus, Ohio is that they celebrate St. Patrick’s Day ON St. Patrick’s Day.  None of this weekend before bullshit.  It’s March 17th, no matter what day of the week it falls on.  Now I understand that a parade is best to be held on a weekend, but noticing all of the green paraphernalia and drunken stupor on the streets already I can ration that the ‘Irish spirit’ also takes over the  city today.  In fact, as expected based on my experience with the holiday, today’s celebration began early.  On my way to Bootcamp class this morning I witness the drunk trolleys with shades of green running down Clark Street.

Call me a party-pooper if you want to, but I guess the all-day drinking just doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  Well, at least it doesn’t appeal to me in this city.  If I was living in Ohio than I would probably be joining my friends in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day on the actual holiday.  Now I’m not an uber-snob when it comes to drinking, nor do I judge anyone for drinking.  Being an OU alum, I’ve certainly witnessed my share of drunken debauchery and indulged in it myself.  I could tell you a tale or two from my nights on the town in Athens, Columbus or another Ohio city.  Wow.  Most of my favorite memories occurred in O-H-I-O.  I just realized that, which includes two St. Patrick’s Day festivities, both being celebrated on March 17th.

My last St. Patrick’s Day in Columbus was a memorable, with a lot of blurry memories.  I remember working at Children’s Hunger Alliance during the day and listening to voicemails from my friend, Sarah, throughout the day as she began indulging in the festivities at 7 am.  By the time I got home from work, Sarah was waking up from a 2-hour nap at my apartment on Buttles & High St. and getting ready to go out for Round 2.  We started out at our favorite bar, O’Shaughnessy’s, for some Irish grub and my first drinks of the day.  Everyone else was already drunk- for the most part- but Sarah made sure that I caught up.  We hung out with some other OU alums and watched the bagpipers (Sarah’s fetish) before meeting up with some other friends.  That’s when the evening got blurry, but I know I had a good time.  Like always, my nights out in Columbus were the best.  I miss that city and my friends.

The year before that we were able to successful corral the troops to Cleveland for some Saturday, March 17th adventures.  It was the first reunion for this group of friends after college and truly A.MAY.ZING.  Sure we were a bit drunk, but that wasn’t the reason.  This day was memorable because of the people I spent it with. 

Today was my second fake-St. Patrick’s Day (as Dusty calls it) in Chicago.  The drunks were out, and I even got to witness one drunk girl crying.  (It was like OU all over again.  Never did a night go by without some girl in tears.)  While I’ve yet to engage in a (fake) St. Patrick’s Day here in Chicago, I do have a memory from last year.  Gosh, I cannot believe that was a year ago.  Anyways, in traveling back to my apartment around midnight last year from Karrie’s apartment, I survived the drunks on the train to arrive back in my neighborhood.  While waiting at the intersection of Clark & Broadway, I was ‘greeted’ by Green Man. Imagine being sober and seeing a guy dancing around in a head-to-toe green spandex outfit.  What would you do?  Probably what I did.  First, you unfortunately wouldn’t stop looking at him; and two, you wouldn’t stop laughing and grinning.  To my luck he was walking in my direction, so when the crossing walk sign changed, I was forced to look at him green spandexy butt for the next four blocks.  I couldn’t not laugh as he danced around like a happy drunk.  I was walking with his friends as they apologized to me continuously.  All I could think is that I haven’t laughed this hard in a very long time.  They had no idea how much I appreciated this ‘interesting’ moment.  A few blocks from my apartment, Green Man decided to hang back and walk with me.  We exchanged names (His was Ryan.) and he invited me to the party that they were going to, which I regretted saying no to  but drunk me didn’t think it was practical.  If only I was drunk too!  When we got in front of the diner underneath my building, I stopped to go my separate way.  As I said goodbye he told me to wait.  He reached around to take off his mask, unveiling his face.  He was hot.  We smiled at one another…making me think of another moment like this that I shared (once upon a time) with ck.  Another part of me felt like I was in a superhero movie where he risks it all to show his face to the girl.  As I walked away from Ryan, I wished that I would have turned around and went with him to that party, or at least exchanged numbers.  But not thinking about how big of a city Chicago really is, I figured that if it was meant to be then I’d somehow see him again. 

Writing that now sounds so foolish.  I guess for once I just wanted something magical like this to work out for me.  Even though nothing really came from my run-in Green Man, I’m still grateful for the moments of uncontrollable laughter that he provided me.  Thanks, Ryan.  It was nice to have a crush for awhile. ♥ K

so far away from where you are   Leave a comment

I’m going to warn you now, there’s going to be many Lifehouse lyrics quoted in this blog.  This is just one of their songs that I can listen to over and over again.  Enjoy. 

♥ K

Posted March 8, 2010 by K in chicago, song of the moment

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