Archive for the ‘the perks of being single’ Tag
I’m not going to sugarcoat it like everyone else seems to do. I’m not going to tell you that you should celebrate the life that lays ahead of you. The freedom that is granted to you, and the infinite opportunities at your fingertips. Nope, I won’t go there because I know, firsthand, how difficult it is to be twenty-eight and single. I know how lonely it can be to wake up without a boyfriend’s “Good morning, beautiful” text or your Starbucks drink in a to-go cup delivered with love by your doting husband or the cheery calls of an adorable toddler from the room across the hall.
I know that it’s scary to not know what life has in store for you. And even though many will stress how exciting the unknown is, I know it’s more terrifying than anything. I know that you spend more time worrying what you don’t have than fantasizing about what you do. For example, you focus more on why you don’t have a boyfriend, fiance, or husband rather than being excited that you still have the chance to meet the Love of your Life around any corner, or dark bar. Or grocery store trip, because for some reason I’ve been told that it’s the best place to meet someone. (Yeah, I’m not really sold on that, especially since most people at my grocery stores are elderly or obviously in relationships and/or with children.)
I know that when you’re single, at any point in your twenties, you tend to ask, “What is wrong with me? Why am I still single? Why am I always single?” Well, to be honest, I have absolutely no idea why you are single. Consider this one of the great mysteries of the world. But what I do know is that you deserve to be loved and deserve to love someone amazing.
And one day, I promise you, this will come true. One day you will look back on the time when you were twenty-eight and single and wonder why you ever worried in the first place. I really do believe this, so I hope you will to. You are too beautiful, too special to be anything less than ridiculously happy. Maybe twenty-eight isn’t the year you find the love you deserve, but who’s to say twenty-nine won’t be?
Just remember you are worthy of all the beauty, love, and happiness in this world.
“There are no rules when it comes to love. I just try to let love surprise me because you never know who you’re going to fall in love with. You never know who’s going to come into your life – and for me, when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don’t think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I’m with them.” (Taylor Swift)
After watching their adorable son for the day, my dear friends, Michelle & Bayard, delighted me in some good conversation over a late night dinner of Chipotle. Somehow, unbeknownst to me, I became the third wheel on a trip down memory lane. While Michelle has shared the details of their love story with me a few months ago, I was up for hearing Bayard’s version of the tale. Although I enjoy being part of a couple’s reminiscing, I must admit that hearing it from two friends is probably the ideal situation (for me); and call me bias, but it’s even more favorable because I know that their Falling in Love in New York City led to their son, Max. Having not known them years ago, it’s great to learn about their history and discover how it all began. And not only that, I cannot begin explaining how adorable they were sharing even the tiny details on their first few meetings and how they finally knew that their Central Park outings were more than just a fling.
Now instead of sharing the intimate details of this love affair, I will just extend this point that they made clear to me: You Never Know Who You’re Going to Fall in Love With. You Never Know Who’s Going to Come into Your Life.
While waiting for the bus on Michigan Avenue, I caught eyes with another patient passenger. No, sparks didn’t fly between us but this thought did go home with me: How do you know that you didn’t just see or walk past the (future) Love of Your Life?
I, for one, am so ignorant when it comes to all things that can be categorized under Love. For instance, if a David Beckham ringer walked past me, or even a group of DB-ringers, then most likely I wouldn’t have noticed…unless he was carrying a baby or walking a puppy. In fact, I can assure you that there are dozens of times when friends have asked, “Did you just see that guy?!!”, and my response is always either, “Nope.” or “What guy?”. I can still see the disappointment on Michelle’s face when I missed this one guy at CVS one morning, might I add, when I was holding her adorable son.
Why am I going off on a tangent here- besides the obvious fact that it’s something I do best? To be honest, I’m not quite sure myself. I know that I had this epiphany a few months ago that may ring even truer (for me) today: I love being single, but I hate caring about someone. My reasoning behind the ‘love being single’ part of this statement should be self-explanatory (and I don’t mean it in a hoochie way). I mean who doesn’t love Answering to No One and Living Spontaneously with The Girls . Not to mention the Unexpected Slumber Party on a Saturday Night is always nice too.
However, I will admit to cursing the single lifestyle a few times before (and maybe a bit now) because it’s not so enjoyable when you find yourself caring for someone who may not be caring for you in return. But I can say that I’ve grown up a bit and no longer lose sleep stressing over this guy stuff (knock on wood) and instead I vent my emotions out over emails to friends and blog posts for any willing eyes to see.
Seriously though, I think that the best part about being single is Knowing that You’re Going to Fall Head-Over-Heels in Love with Someone Spectacular One Day. That fact in itself is why I continue to love livin’ the single life, never knowing who’s going to come into my life.
Listen, I’m a player. But I shut down my playerness from New Years to St.Patty’s Day just so I can avoid this day. ~Kelvin, Valentine’s Day
I guess it’s appropriate to start off by saying Happy Valentine’s Day to all the Luv-ers out there! And a Very Happy Valentine’s Day to all the single ladies & gentlemen! On that note, let’s get started with this post that I rightfully titled, Why I Love Being Single on Valentine’s Day…Really. I swear there’s no sarcasm here. Call me crazy, but I really do love it.
For one, there are absolutely NO expectations for this Hall-(mark)-day. Gosh, I remember those carnations in middle school and how horrible it was waiting…and waiting to see if you got one. Not getting one was hard enough on a hormonal teenage here, but it was worse watching all the other girls with theirs. However, the best/worst was getting those unexpected carnations, especially the pink (crush) or red (love) ones from a (possibly) secret admirer. Who am I kidding? It was Hampton and therefore, the gossip mills were always aflutter with who-likes-who. Yes, I was one of those lucky(?) girls who found herself- a time or two- dealing with the awkwardness from the post-carnation delivery.
Reason Two: You’re not limited to only one valentine today. 🙂 Unless you’re in love with someone, I think it’s best to be single on three days of the year: Valentine’s Day, Halloween (at least in Ohio), and New Year’s Eve. Think about it for a second. You are literally a fish in a huge ocean of other (mostly single) school of fish. Do you know how many chances you have to meet someone wonderful? How many chances you have at finding the love you’re wishing you had? Doesn’t that change the way you look at February 14th?
With all due respect, today is just another day. Before any haters comment, let me stress that I say this as a completely single. Very single. Maybe a little too single. Would I like to be in love? Of course…with the right person. But you know what, I’d rather be single today- surrounded by all the mushiness and PDAs- than be with someone just to be with someone on Valentine’s Day. I’d also rather have ridiculous love the other 364 days with an A*MAY*ZING guy if it meant I had to be single on February 14th.
Another reason, and probably the last one I’ll write about here, is that being single on Valentine’s Day gives me more time (and money) to celebrate with my girlfriends! After witnessing years of gloomy single girls on Valentine’s Day, I decided to step up my friend-game on February 14th during my junior year of high school. Coincidentally, almost all of my best girl friends were single and therefore I figured it was the perfect time spoil them rotten. So I decorated their lockers with balloons and hand-made cards, and organized a girls’ night out downtown. I like to think it made their boyfriendless Valentine’s Day a little brighter. So I did it again and again, every Valentine’s Day since I was seventeen years old I’ve taken it upon myself- in some way- to express my L.O.V.E. for my ladies, and now some of my best guy friends as well. In fact, this year Michaella helped me make valentines.
(Note: If you haven’t gotten yours yet, it may not have been made- yet. We’ll get to it, or at least make you a post-V Day love card.)
Anyways, Valentine’s Day was apparently created to celebrate L.O.V.E. and this girl has A LOT of L.O.V.E. to thankful for. I may be single, but I definitely have TONS of L.O.V.E. in my life. All I can say is that I am a very lucky girl.
To some people, love doesn’t exist unless you acknowledge it in front of other people. (Alfonso, Valentine’s Day)
I love that line so much. For some reason it makes me think of the 1 Corinthians 13:4- Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful. Love is not showy. It’s neither about status nor material goods. Love is not something you have just to have ‘it’. Now if I have it completely wrong and that’s what actually what love is all about, well, then I’m not sure I want it.
Instead, I want an everyday love. I’d prefer a love filled with the simple, little things over the flash and prestige any day. A love with no expectations. A love that is truly about the two people in love and nothing else. “You and me, just us two.” That’s the kind of love I believe in, and the reason that I’m content with being single every Valentine’s Day until I have it. The truth of the matter is, I want someone who likes me. The real me. The groggy, coffee-craving me in the morning. The it’s-been-a-long-week so I want to stay in tonight on a Friday evening me. That’s what I want and I’ll spend many Single Lady Valentine’s Days as I have to until I find that someone.
As soon as I heard the lyrics, don’t be scared to walk alone; don’t be scared to like it, from John Mayer’s Age of Worry, I knew a post was in order. But I sit here, 2 days later not really knowing what to write. In a way I still don’t know, but I’m going to attempt this anyway. Heaven, help me.
If you didn’t (have the pleasure) to know me 2 1/2 years ago, then I’ll let you in on a little secret: I was terrified to move to Chicago. I was afraid of leaving my friends and moving further away from my family. I was worried about moving to a new place where I (really) knew less than a handful of people. I was shaken with fear of living on my own, something I personally vowed that I could never do. But fortunately those days are a thing from the past. Well…for the most part.
I woke up this morning and had this overwhelming feeling that I was in the wrong place. After seeing a few texts from friends and a message in my Inbox from another, I couldn’t shake the notion that I wanted to be anywhere but here. It pained me to rationalize that I couldn’t be in Cleveland and Cincinnati all at the same time. Life just isn’t fair. But, I thought, if I was living back in Columbus again then I’d only be a short two-hour drive to either place. Heck, I could even visit both places in one day if I really wanted to. (Note: Don’t prompt me because you know I’ll pull it off. After all, I am my father’s daughter.)
Now Kristin, before you start celebrating with wine in a leopard glass and dancing around with joy that your plan worked 😉 …know that while I hope it will one day, today is unfortunately not the day.
After responding to the texts and writing an email to another love of my life, I rolled over swearing that I could stay in bed all day. Okay, and maybe, just maybe, I wished that there was a boy laying next to me. Seriously, is there anything better in life than waking up next to someone…well…someone you really like? I guess that’s what happens when you fall asleep watching the Aidan episodes of Sex and the City. Back to my Aidan-less reality and the fact there, of course, wasn’t a guy next to me. Sadly just a laptop and an alarm clock playing some over-played pop song. So I pulled myself out of bed to make it to Kelly’s Spin Class in time.
During class my mind wandered to this thought: What if I wasn’t single? What would that really be like? Honestly, I have no idea. Minus a few whatever-relationships in my day, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve always been single. In fact, some of my very best friends are taken back (with shock first, then excitement) when I say, “I met someone”. (Note: This rarely happens, which you probably know from reading this open book blog of mine.)
I promise you that you’ll never hear me complain about being single. I’ll never whine about not having a boyfriend. I just don’t do it. Part of the reason why is because, truthfully, I’m ok with being single. Now there are several reasons why I say this, but one reason is my freedom. I mean how many people in relationships can travel to three different cities in Ohio for three straight weekends? How many single people can move-in with her friends for a week to help care for her children?
Now the dreamer that I tend to be wants to believe that Mr. Right with allow me these freedoms because 1) he loves me dearly and 2) wants me to do what makes me happy. However, in reality, I know this most likely isn’t the case. But isn’t impossible…right? Trust me, I hear the advice every day from my co-workers and other older friends, “Enjoy your freedom while I can. I wish I did more when I was your age.” While I value their advice, I tend to use my own perspective in seeing what faults lie in the single life.
For starters, it would be really nice to wake up next to someone and maybe/possibly/hopefully have them make/buy you coffee while you stay under the covers. Do you even know how many times I’ve daydreamed about that happening? And maybe I’ve also imagined the whole proposal scene from The Time Traveler’s Wife happening to me. But only once…or twice. (Take notes, potential suitors.)
In all honesty, for me, there’s just one thing that I constantly fight about being single. It’s so silly and probably the main reason why others in relationships desire to have their single man’s freedom back. So…sometimes…every now and then…I wish that someone would tell me where I’m going or what I’m doing. See, that’s the single girl in me. Let me rephrase it by saying that I wish someone would tell me where we are going or what we are doing. Yes, if I’m still blogging when I’m forty and finally in somewhat of a relationship, you can use this post against me. Actually, please do. But really this is how I feel. Call me crazy. Say, “Girl, I wish I didn’t have someone decided what ‘we’ are doing all the time.” And all I can say is, to each his own.
Two and a half years ago when I was getting ready to move to Chicago, for the first time since my childhood days I wished that I had a boyfriend. I wanted someone to be by my side as I veered far out of my comfort zone in the world of the unknown. But it was only me that moved in Apt 807. And it’s still only me, but with a whole lot of people by my side as I continue on this journey of mine. I mostly walk these Chicago streets alone as I head towards the train station, to volunteer or back home after a long day. But it doesn’t scare me anymore to be alone in this city, and in fact, some days it’s what I enjoy the most. Those rejuvenating walks when it’s just the city and me. Isn’t it funny how the one thing that used to scare you can one day become the thing you enjoy the most?
Ironically enough, Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl) inspired me to write this post, as well as to connect with myself over this concept. So thank you, Ms. Waldorf and/or Gossip Girl writers for these wise words giving some always-appreciated inspiration to keep living my life and striving to be the best version of myself.
At the end of The Witches of Brunswick episode, Blair says reassuringly to Chuck, “I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass’ girlfriend.”
I’ve shared before that when I was younger, I used to wish on anything wishable (candles, 11:11, shooting stars) for a boyfriend. If all those wishes had come true, then I probably would have dated half of Hampton’s male alumni and a portion of the hottest and most famous male celebrities between the years 1995-2003.
In the summer of 2003, those wishes seized as I came to my senses- sorta. Instead of wishing for a boyfriend, I made the mistake of wishing for something else: I wished to change myself. If I only knew then what I knew now…things may have been so different but life is what it is and there’s no way to change the past so all you can do is grow from it. At twenty years old, I began abandoning who I was under the false belief that it was what I needed to do. My naivety had me convinced: New School = New Me. Let me go back and say that having lived in the same community (let alone same house) since I was four years old, I had only been Kristen Medica who lived in Hampton on Cheyenne Ct. I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. I was known as being a ‘nice girl’ and ‘friends with everyone’. But with Hampton appearing as a backdrop in my rearview mirror as we drove to Athens, I decided to leave it all behind me. And by ‘all’ I mean ALL. Everything. With a big college campus in Ohio as my new home, I decided that I could leave Kristen Medica from Hampton behind because no one would neither know what nor where “Hampton” was. (Or so I thought.)
Boy, was I such a silly little girl back then. But you know what, I had to learn from my mistakes- and learn I have. Since that time in my life, my world has been flip-flopped and twisted around. My eyes have been opened and my perspective widened further than I ever knew possible. And this my friends, is what growing up is all about. It’s scary and sometimes very scary, but there’s no avoiding it. But once you accept that growing up is about growth and not change, then you are on the right road to finding out who you are and what you’re capable of. I think it’s appropriate to say, the world is your oyster– whatever that really means.
But back to Ms Waldorf and her eye-opening quote that I adore: “I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass’ girlfriend.” Yes, I’m single. Everyone I know knows I’m single, and the entire world of Facebook knows too. But I promise you that I’m neither a bitter single girl nor a cynic when it comes to love. Even if I find myself writing about love, fate, and all that jazz on a sleepless PMS day, I promise you that I’m not at all cynical. I say this because it’s pertinent to know before I indulge into my next thoughts.
Let me refer to a past post of mine titled, don’t you think 19 is too young to play by your dark, twisted games?, where I addressed the importance of connecting with yourself and not relying on someone else (a boy) to help you do so. It’s the line that I hear my mom’s voice saying, “You cannot expect someone else to love you until you love yourself.” Or maybe it resonates with you if I say it this way: You cannot expect another to give you the love you need to give yourself. Don’t get me wrong, men are wonderful! They have a way of making us feel pretty when we don’t feel pretty; making us happy when we’re sad; and giving us confidence after we lost it through our last broken heart. But while they’re wonderful, charming, cute, and good kissers, they are not the only ones that can give you love. You can and must give yourself that love first and foremost. In order to be the best version of you possible, you need to figure out who you are- outside of a relationship- before you can be in one. You need to know who you are as “me” before finding out who you are as a “we”.
I know this is a concept harder for some to grasp more than others, but it’s definitely a point that I need to make to anyone who will listen. Now I am trying to keep my inner-Carrie Bradshaw from lecturing here, but this is one of those areas that my single girl status knows a thing or two about. From my perspective, as someone more than just a single girl but someone who has found the growing pains for many years, I’ll tell you this little secret: You have to find yourself in order to give yourself. I know we all want to be loved, heck I want to be loved too. But there is so much more to love than just finding someone to love you. I think that’s the misconception that our generation has about love. We mistakenly believe that love is the answer to all our problems. We have false hope that once we find love, we’ve found it all. True and false. That’s why it’s so important to figure out who you are first because then once you find love, well you really can have your cake and eat it too- again, whatever that means. What I mean is, once you love yourself you can have it all. We all want love. We want it so bad that it makes us miserable and selfish if we don’t have it. We crave it like a drug. But why don’t we crave personal growth- which brings us so much love- like that? Why don’t we crave to grow up and find out who we really are?
At that naive young age of twenty that I spoke of earlier, I got trapped in the misconception that growing up meant changing. And then I met a boy and I thought that I needed to change who I was in order for him to like me more. Looking back, I think he saw through my own confused self and liked me just the way I was. Yep, I’m a silly, silly girl. But really, what made me think back then growing up meant changing who I was?
When I moved here two years ago (almost to the day), I knew things were going to change. I was in a huge new city, with a new job, and only knew a few people here. I knew things were going to change, but I never once thought that I had to change. Parts of me have changed, but I also think that you can best contribute it to growing up and finding out who I am and what I’m capable of.
You know that upon moving here, with the anxiety of the unknown and loneliness of the transition, I really wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone to be there for me as I began a new chapter of my life. I wanted someone to provide some stability in my new world of changes. But I was alone. All alone. And looking back on that time, two years later, I am glad that I was alone.
Like Blair implied, you have to figure out who you are as “you” before you can figure out what else you’re capable of being. I needed to figure out who I am- out of my comfort zone and away from friends and family- and I can definitely say that it’s exactly what’s happened….and will continue to happen. And one day, I’ll bring the ‘me’ into a ‘we’…but not until I have a self-assured ‘me’ to make that the best ‘we’ possible.
Poor boy has no idea what’s about to hit him!