Archive for the ‘learning to love again’ Tag
Every now and then, I’m reminded of a post I wrote about a year and a half ago. It’s a post that many have thanked me for writing because it comforted them to know that someone else had experienced the same loss, pain, and heartbreak as they have. The post is called, Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.(http://livelovelearnbreathe.com/2011/03/30/regrets-and-mistakes-theyre-memories-made-who-would-have-known-how-bittersweet-this-would-taste/), and I can tell you know that it’s nothing more than a memory from the past.
But I’m not here to write about the past… nor the pain one endures from a broken heart. Instead I am here to provide evidence that one can overcome heartbreak and learn to love again. Just like Jennifer Aniston, I, myself, am proof that love can find the wounded.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to how one finds love again- nor does (my friend) Jen. But, I’ll speak for both of us and say that the only way to find love again is to take chances and never give up hope.
I’ve been with Cubby for 4 months, and while our relationship has its ups-and-downs, I will admit that he has made me believe again. Yes, the guy I met on a random Sunday Funday has stolen my heart and helped me see that love is possible (again).
So if I can do it… despite all of the bad luck, heartbreak, and frustration… SO CAN YOU!!!
I laid in bed thinking, Happiness tends to be Temporary (for me). With that thought tumbling through my mind, as the sun rose, I knew that sleep was a long shot. If I couldn’t stop this nonsense then I was in trouble. Another sleepless night for moi. But the thought seized; and surprisingly I stopped that thought by telling myself, Just Enjoy It. I stared out the window at the snow-fallen sky one last time before closing my eyes for a few hours of sleep.
Life has been extremely kind to me lately, which makes me reflect on the night/ early morning in which that thought perpetrated my mind. Actually, if we’re being honest here, that feeling of happiness has only gotten stronger since then. Many good things have occurred these last few weeks including my trip to Athens (with Alisha, Jakob, and Kelly), an evening in downtown Columbus with Kristin and other friends, and this past weekend with Max. Additionally I’ve been fortunate to spend almost every day in the company of A*MAY*ZING friends.
As of late my mind has been very clear- even despite all the running around. Though tonight, as I let myself partake in a lazy night in, I once again found myself reflecting back on that moment of the past and recalled a line from The Time Traveler’s Wife:
“Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”
Not only is The Time Traveler’s Wife my all-time favorite novel (Note: Not movie), I often find myself thinking I am Clare Abshire (minus the whole time travelin’ boyfriend/fiancée/ husband). I’ve hung out for way, way too long (mistakenly) believing in my own version of Henry (ck). I waited…and waited….for love & happiness to enter and re-enter my life.
Maybe it’s fair to admit that I’m still waiting…though not for that “Henry”… but waiting for something. Something Real. Something Honest. Something that Challenges Me, yet Comes Naturally. Something that Makes Me Happy and is Something that I’ll Fight with Everything I Have to Hold Onto. Because (I know) when you find Something Like This, then It’s Worth The Wait and Worth Fighting For.
As I said in a post a few weeks ago, Clarity is a Beautiful Thing. I know now that happiness was temporary because I wasn’t happy within. I wasn’t happy with myself. I didn’t love myself. And truthfully, I never (fully) believed that happiness was something I deserved.
Well, my friends, I am proud to tell you that those days are a thing of the past. I am now in fighting-shape to keep Happiness here and here it will stay. I (now) know I deserve to be happy, and SO DO YOU. My hope is that you never doubt it, but if you do then come back to this post (as many times as you need to) as a reminder that You Deserve to Be Happy. You Do. You Really, Really Do.
Heartbreak is a fact of life. It happens to the best of us, and in fact, I think it’s what forms our best possible self. Did I just lose you? What I’m saying is that- in some ironic fashion- all of the crappy, soul-crippling, unexplainable things that happen to us not only develop our character, but they introduce us to a better version of ourselves. Isn’t that what life is all about? Being tested with obstacles to overcome and prove (to yourself) just how strong you are.
I remember being a naive twenty-year old (at OU) and telling my friend, Amanda, “I think I need to have my heart broken.” She tried reassurring me that my concept was foolish but I stuck with my belief, convinced that it was an experience that I needed in my life.
I must have jinxed myself because it was only a few weeks later that the first crack in my poor little heart formed, and the beginning of the shattering that has occurred since. But like I said, I knew it was something that I needed to go through, and boy did I! It’s something that I’ll never forget and, quite possibly, never fully let go of. First love & first heartbreak: Two of life’s haunting lessons.
But heartbreak is not synonymous with “The End” and therefore, we all rise again. It takes longer for some than others, but all of us are capable of overcoming heartbreak. And for some of us, rising again may be one of the biggest struggles of our lives. I say “our lives” because I think I’m one of those “us”.
Since my first (real) heartbreak a few years ago has left me scarred, my love life hasn’t been more than a few crushes, a friends-with-benefits-gone-wrong, 3-4 one-nighters, and a whole lot of nothing- especially since moving here two years ago. As my heart continued to shatter over time, I found myself chaining it up more and more. One day, I decided that it was best to throw away the key…hoping that one day, someone (maybe a particular someone at one time) would find it and unlock the chains to my heart. Without sounding too desperate, that hope hasn’t gotten me too far.
My Facebook status reads “Single” but if there was a “Single and Available” option then I don’t think I’d find myself choosing it. Though my ringless finger may scream“Available!” my heart has not. Why? Well, little heartbroken me has been afraid of getting hurt again, and I’ve been afraid of making someone else deal with my broken self.
Truth be told, I’m tired of being afraid; tired of holding myself back; and tired of not letting a guy get to be “In a Relationship” with me. I don’t want to hide behind a broken heart anymore. I don’t want to tell people “Yes, I’m single.” over and over again. I want to break away from the chains and open my heart again. I want to be fearless, and therefore, not afraid of getting hurt again. I’ve come a long way and I want to go even further.
Channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw, I think that this is my best conclusion: When you’re ready, and I mean really ready, you’ll discover that the chains around your heart were never locked. And that key that you threw away with hopes to be found by Prince Charming, well you had the key all along. I’ve had the key all along. I’m the only one who’s ever had the key. And, more so, I think I’m almost ready.
Song of the Moment: Need You by Travie McCoy
I received a text from my friend, Mike, this morning after his date with (another friend of mine) Rachel last night. His text read: Haven’t liked a girl this much in a long time. Kinda freaked out by it. Some background on Mike is that he is a great guy, but definitely full of insecurities especially resulting from a bad break-up back in college. Since then Mike has battled his own demons and finally feels like he’s getting his act back together. He’ll make a great boyfriend when the time comes, and I hope that it is to Rachel, but I also know that (as my mom wisely told me years ago) you need to love yourself first. As I’ve said on posts before, it took me a long time to realize the accuracy in that statement and years of not loving myself to one day understand its importance.
In my text reply to Mike, I said, “Don’t be. I am going through the same thing with a guy right now so I understand. I keep telling myself that I deserve it. And the same goes for you.”
Once you get your heart broken, you’re never the same again. However we all make the mistake of dwelling in the past believing that our life is over (at least for a little while). It’s not. Instead each heartbreak is just the beginning of a new chapter in our life. Again, it took my a very, very long time to see this for myself, but the important thing is that I do now. Change is inevitable, and unfortunately heartbreak happens even when we try and protect ourselves. Letting yourself love again is a difficult task, for some (maybe most), but the truth is, great love and great achievements involve great risk.
I think we can all agree that L.O.V.E. is worth the risk, but heartbreak messes with your head to much to let you jump in (again) effortlessly. Instead of your head saying, “You deserve to be happy,” you hear “You will get hurt again. You’re not good enough. You’re not worthy of being happy.” Ignore it. YOU ARE.
This is one of my favorite songs that I forgot about for a few months. After my dad introduced it on one of our road trips during a time of heartbreak (over Casey, of course) and I listened to it over and over again after feeling comforted by the lyrics. Sheryl Crow- I Shall Believe & Lyrics. My hope is that Mike can realize in himself that he deserves a great girl like Rachel, whether or not it works out between them.
Adriana and I have talked a lot about scars and broken hearts- the good, the bad, and the ugly. After suffering from her own broken heart, (asshole), she has proven that she’s a WARRIOR and allowed herself to love again. (Shoutout to her bf, P.Doug.) Now people have the misconception that being in a relationship is always easy and blissful. Minus the ‘always’, this statement is still mostly false. A, having the previously-broken heart curse working against her, is proof that even new, unbelievably joyful LOVE is not always perfect. Much to our dismay the voices of heartbreak and doubts doesn’t always disappear when love re-enters our life. But we have the power to tune it out, and as always, a little help from our friends is a must as well.
Actually, here’s a little story for you. So a few weeks ago Adriana was having a rough day and doubting her and P.Doug’s relationship/his feelings (I cannot even remember why right now.) So, me being me, had a just-in-case-something-like-this-even-happens plan in mind. Back in February she sent me a photo text of a picture of beignets saying- He made me beignets!! Knowing that she needed ‘evidence’ of his love and adoration for her, I forwarded her the text I saved (picture included). See, girls (especially who shared the broken heart experience) always know what other girls need. Boys just don’t understand.
We all need a reminder of people’s feelings- verbal, physical, etc.- every now and then. And whether or not you have a significant other or new prospect, sometimes you just need your friends to boost your confidence, trump your insecurities, and remind you how special you are. And always, always, always say that girl/guy is lucky to have you and crazy if they don’t realize that!