Archive for the ‘Kristin’ Tag

“i’m sure i’ll find a way to ruin this somehow.”   Leave a comment

Well kids, the sun has been shining here in Chicago, allowing us to flirt with the notion that winter may F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. be on its way out the door.  So after the sad goodbyes to Kristin & Cindy (Kristin’s mom) early this morning, I pulled myself together- as much as possible-  and headed downtown to the office.  As soon as I saw the green awning, I knew a pit stop at Starbucks was a must. (Note: Anytime you wake up before 5 am, Starbucks is a must- at least once – that day.) 

As I stood in line, I knew that my (hot) Soy AmeriMisto just wasn’t going to cut it today.  Yes, my friends, I found it necessary to put the hot drink order aside and ordered a (cold) Strawberry Frapp and it was Pure Perfection.  Is there anything better than Starbucks when you’re tired & emotionally drained?

I’ve been attempting to write a post on this topic for weeks now and cannot think of a better time to do so than today.  Sorry but you’re not getting all of the reasons out of me, but I will share that this new favorite song of mine, Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum, may have something to do with it.  “And I don’t wanna mess this thing up”…let’s just go from here.

In the last two months, I’ve heard two A*MAY*ZING friends of mine, Sarah & Jenny, say, “…I’m sure I’ll find a way to ruin this somehow” in regards to the incredible guys (Tom and Phil, respectively) that have recently entered their lives.  Two girls who found wonderful guys worthy of them; and guys that had enough common sense to adore them immediately.  Two girls who, in my opinion, have nothing to worry about; however, I completely emphasize with them for the words they spoke. 

And now, I’m admitting that I am the third one in our group of friends who has recently spoken this line- at least out loud to myself if no one else.  However, unlike Jenny and Sarah, I’m pretty certain that The Jinx entered my life again and I found a way to ruin a potential something with someone pretty great.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m pretty down about it right now.  And what happened is so minor (!) and quite possibly a misinterpretation.  However, when you care about someone, everything seems 1000x worse than it actually is.  Gotta love those darn feelings! 

After hearing my worries out, I find that I’m holding onto Jenny’s encouraging words- even if I don’t wholeheartedly believe them: I’m sure everything will work itself out – he has to realize how wonderful of a person you are and he’d be an idiot to let you slip through his fingers.”

The truth is…I’m the idiot if I let him slip through mine.

the world needs a love story to give us something to believe in. i need a love story.   Leave a comment

The world needs a love story … another one, I guess … to give us something to believe in.  A(nother) love story to make us believe 1) in love; 2) that love exists; 3) that love can exist for each one of us. 

This is the thought that rummaged through my mind as I walked down Diversey on Friday morning to catch my bus.  Where it came from…not sure?  Now I may have been hungover, or perhaps still a little drunk, from Thursday night’s St. Patrick’s Day fun, but who knows.  But I do remember this thought, and in fact, I even wrote these words down after I boarded the bus to the office.

The ‘studies’ say that men think about SEX  every 7 seconds, but to make them look less animalistic we’ll leave it as sex (or similar topics) cross their minds on average hundreds of times per day.  But there’s no man-hating or complaining here, and instead I’m just laying down the facts.  And the fact is this: Women think about LOVE at least every 7 seconds.  All Women: Single. Taken. Black. White. Young. Old. Straight. Gay. Bisexual. Hopeless Romantics. (and) Cynics. All women share one thing in common, whether or not they’ll always admit it: Every woman wants to love and be loved in return.  Every woman desires to hear “You’re beautiful”, “You’re the one for me“, and “I love you.”   Love ♥ Love ♥ Love ♥  This is our common bond.

In non-blog world (aka every day life), I am one of those women who doesn’t always admit that she wants to find love.  In fact I do a very good job at playing the I don’t know if I even want a boyfriend and I’m too busy for a relationship cards- sometimes even convincing myself to believe these lies.  But as my friend, Kristin, reminded me in an email this week, “Um, hate to tell you this but you are a girl so you will be a girl.” 

So what does this girl really want?  I want to finally Believe that Love Exists for Me. 

Stef and I had a wonderful date in Andersonville yesterday, that concluded with us enjoying good food and conversation at Kopi Cafe.  Per usual, our conversation covered many different topics; however, what stood out to me the most was our discussion on Self-Love & Relationships.  I believe it’s best to use my mom’s infamous words here as they were spoked during my conversation with Stef and prove to be quite fitting for my next point…so here they are: “You cannot expect someone to love you until you love yourself.” 

I love a good Love Story…which is probably an innate female thing.  I watch The Notebook.  I read The Time Traveler’s Wife.  I listen to way too many country songs about God Blessing the Broken Road.  And who can forget that my favorite bar activity is asking couples, “So how did you two meet?”  and “How did you know that you were in love?”

So let me be a girl here and admit this, for the first time (at least sober): One day, I hope to tell my own love story and maybe even write it.  Actually that latter part was my plan for a while…and in a way still is.  It’s no secret that I held onto to someone (ck) for way too long, and with the weight lifted off my shoulders (finally!) I can think more clearly and say this: Believing in him gave me a love story to believe in.  I wanted our potential love story to give others something to believe in too.  But like many love story, ours never got past the first chapter, and I’m okay with that (now).  Why?  Because even if our love story isn’t continuing, my love story will.  My Learning to Love Myself story continues.  My Letting Love In story goes on.  I may have no idea what the next page holds, but that’s the beautiful thing about love stories.  You never know what’s going to happen next until you turn the page…until you wake-up the next morning and Live Your Life.

to me, fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.   Leave a comment

To me, FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change.  **************************************************************

After reading the fabulous blog post, The Girl in the Taxi, written by my Little Sis/ Pen Pal/ Friend, Alisha, yesterday morning I spend the day lost in thought.  Many thoughts.  Even somewhat-secret thoughts.  (Thanks again, Alisha & Kristin!) 

Anyways, with another full day of work and volunteering, I found myself walking from Navy Pier to Michigan Ave…because I lost my CTA pass AGAIN…and taking in the city.  Exhaustion and Stress accompanied me on that walk, as well as dozens of other pedestrians, but in essence I felt alone.  (Long story that you’re not going to hear.)  Although I eventually found comfort and company as I recalled Alisha’s post.  Soon I was reflecting back on the last 2.5 years in Chicago and consciously reminding myself how much has happened since then… including all of the fears and doubts that arose as I embarked on this journey shortly after my 25th birthday.  Goodbye Columbus, Hello Chicago?!

Back to Alisha’s post, The Girl in the Taxi, which is what inspired me today in the writing of my own.  Besides the fact that we are Soul * Sisters, I really do see a lot of myself in Alisha.  And if anything, this last post of hers confirmed that.  As Alisha and I began corresponding last year, I found myself reflecting back on my own college days quite frequently, and even effortlessly.  Those days were filled with doubts, fears, insecurities, anxiety, and tons of questions: What happens after graduation?  What am I going to do with my life?  Where am I going to go?  What do I want to be?  Who am I…really?  There are so many days where I wish I could Time Travel like Henry (in The Time Traveler’s Wife) and tell my younger self that, “It’s all going to be okay.” 

But since I cannot change the past for myself, I’ve realized that I could help guide the future for others (of that age and/or situations), like Alisha.  While there are so many stories and life lessons that I could share, only one all-encompassing message comes to mind: Believe in Yourself.  When an individual is graced with confidence, then Anything and Everything is Possible.  Live Life. Take Chance. Follow Your Heart. Make Your Dreams Come True.  Trust me, I know that Life is Scary and Change is even Scarier.  New Experiences bring about Doubts and Fears, some that you didn’t even know you were capable of feeling.  But you need to feel those feelings. 

 

Let Yourself Be Vulnerable. 

Let Yourself Get to Know Yourself.

Let Yourself Face Your Fears & Doubts.

Let Yourself Strive to Become Fearless.

Let Yourself Live.

…and i can’t remember life before your name, ohio.   Leave a comment

Greetings again from my Starbucks in downtown Columbus!  Yes, I did it again.  I rode the overnight mega of all buses (aka Megabus) from Chicago to Columbus, OH.  Arriving at 6:15 am this morning, I took my hobo-looking self into my morning post and pulled a Superman swap into the bathroom.  Goodbye, travelin’ hot-mess-minus-the-hot girl and Hello, reasonably presentable I-love-being-back-in-O-H-I-O lady.

Now I don’t have much time since Nila is on her way to pick me up, but I wanted to give a quick hello before embarking on my A*MAY*ZING weekend back in O-H-I-O.  Today I’ll venture around Columbus before Kristin and I roadtrip back to good ol’ Athens, Ohio for my weekend with Alisha, Jakob, and their mom, Kelly!  SOOOOOOO EXCITED to FINALLY meet my beloved Pen Pal/Little Sis and her family!! 

As always, it feels great to be back in Ohio…however, I have to say that it feels different this time.  I feel different.  I’m in a really good place right now and I hope it stays around for a while.  I have a funny feeling that it will.  As my dear Darlene says, Pingers Crossed.

Have a wonderful weekend!!

i’m okay. promise.   2 comments

Just wanted to say that I’m feeling much better.  Both Yoga and Baby Therapy zenned me out just a bit.  Once again, little Marcus stole my heart, and may I add that he is looking so much better and quite adorable! 

In addition the snow-blowing bitter winter winds definitely gave me the refresher that I needed.  Despite my frost-bitten cheeks and lack of visibility, I have to say that once again that Tuesday night walk home also proved to be exactly what I needed today.

A special thanks to my dear friend, Kristin, for bringing multiple smiles to my face.  Thank you for allowing me to be ‘me’, even if it’s a little PMSy & anxiety-ridden version.  Love you the most, Silly!

don’t be scared to walk alone. don’t be scared to like it.   1 comment

As soon as I heard the lyrics, don’t be scared to walk alone; don’t be scared to like it, from John Mayer’s Age of Worry, I knew a post was in order.  But I sit here, 2 days later not really knowing what to write.  In a way I still don’t know, but I’m going to attempt this anyway.  Heaven, help me. 

If you didn’t (have the pleasure) to know me 2 1/2 years ago, then I’ll let you in on a little secret: I was terrified to move to Chicago.  I was afraid of leaving my friends and moving further away from my family.  I was worried about moving to a new place where I (really) knew less than a handful of people.  I was shaken with fear of living on my own, something I personally vowed that I could never do.  But fortunately those days are a thing from the past.  Well…for the most part.   

I woke up this morning and had this overwhelming feeling that I was in the wrong place.  After seeing a few texts from friends and a message in my Inbox from another, I couldn’t shake the notion that I wanted to be anywhere but here.  It pained me to rationalize that I couldn’t be in Cleveland and Cincinnati all at the same time.  Life just isn’t fair.  But, I thought, if I was living back in Columbus again then I’d only be a short two-hour drive to either place.  Heck, I could even visit both places in one day if I really wanted to.  (Note: Don’t prompt me because you know I’ll pull it off.  After all, I am my father’s daughter.) 

Now Kristin, before you start celebrating with wine in a leopard glass and dancing around with joy that your plan worked 😉 …know that while I hope it will one day, today is unfortunately not the day. 

After responding to the texts and writing an email to another love of my life, I rolled over swearing that I could stay in bed all day.  Okay, and maybe, just maybe, I wished that there was a boy laying next to me.  Seriously, is there anything better in life than waking up next to someone…well…someone you really like?  I guess that’s what happens when you fall asleep watching the Aidan episodes of Sex and the City.  Back to my Aidan-less reality and the fact there, of course, wasn’t a guy next to me.  Sadly just a laptop and an alarm clock playing some over-played pop song.  So I pulled myself out of bed to make it to Kelly’s Spin Class in time.

During class my mind wandered to this thought: What if I wasn’t single?  What would that really be like?  Honestly, I have no idea.  Minus a few whatever-relationships in my day, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve always been single.  In fact, some of my very best friends are taken back (with shock first, then excitement) when I say, “I met someone”.  (Note: This rarely happens, which you probably know from reading this open book blog of mine.)

I promise you that you’ll never hear me complain about being single.  I’ll never whine about not having a boyfriend.  I just don’t do it.  Part of the reason why is because, truthfully, I’m ok with being single.  Now there are several reasons why I say this, but one reason is my freedom.  I mean how many people in relationships can travel to three different cities in Ohio for three straight weekends?  How many single people can move-in with her friends for a week to help care for her children? 

Now the dreamer that I tend to be wants to believe that Mr. Right with allow me these freedoms because 1) he loves me dearly and 2) wants me to do what makes me happy.  However, in reality, I know this most likely isn’t the case.  But isn’t impossible…right?  Trust me, I hear the advice every day from my co-workers and other older friends, “Enjoy your freedom while I can.  I wish I did more when I was your age.”  While I value their advice, I tend to use my own perspective in seeing what faults lie in the single life. 

For starters, it would be really nice to wake up next to someone and maybe/possibly/hopefully have them make/buy you coffee while you stay under the covers.  Do you even know how many times I’ve daydreamed about that happening?  And maybe I’ve also imagined the whole proposal scene from The Time Traveler’s Wife happening to me.  But only once…or twice.  (Take notes, potential suitors.)

In all honesty, for me, there’s just one thing that I constantly fight about being single.  It’s so silly and probably the main reason why others in relationships desire to have their single man’s freedom back.  So…sometimes…every now and then…I wish that someone would tell me where I’m going or what I’m doing.  See, that’s the single girl in me.  Let me rephrase it by saying that I wish someone would tell me where we are going or what we are doing.  Yes, if I’m still blogging when I’m forty and finally in somewhat of a relationship, you can use this post against me.  Actually, please do.  But really this is how I feel.  Call me crazy.  Say, “Girl, I wish I didn’t have someone decided what ‘we’ are doing all the time.”  And all I can say is, to each his own. 

Two and a half years ago when I was getting ready to move to Chicago, for the first time since my childhood days I wished that I had a boyfriend.  I wanted someone to be by my side as I veered far out of my comfort zone in the world of the unknown.  But it was only me that moved in Apt 807.  And it’s still only me, but with a whole lot of people by my side as I continue on this journey of mine.  I mostly walk these Chicago streets alone as I head towards the train station, to volunteer or back home after a long day.  But it doesn’t scare me anymore to be alone in this city, and in fact, some days it’s what I enjoy the most.  Those rejuvenating walks when it’s just the city and me.  Isn’t it funny how the one thing that used to scare you can one day become the thing you enjoy the most?   

they say, one day you’ll look out your door and you’ll find you’re right where you belong. in that moment, you’ll know love so sweet and that feeling you’ve known it all along.   Leave a comment

For the second time this week, I found myself lost in thought sitting at a table amongst friends- new & old.  While the places and faces were none of the same on Monday and Friday night, the thought was: Why am I not living in Ohio?  Both nights, as well as Thursday night with two of my best friends, Brandon & Libby, reminded me how good I feel when I’m back ‘home’.  The reason I feel good is because of the company I’m surrounded by.  (For years now), they’ve shown me exactly where I belong.  For some reason, Sorry Pittsburgh, Ohio has proven to be the place for me.  My Happy Place.  The place where I feel most “me”.  The first place where I truly have always felt that I belong.

On Monday night, at a bar near my old apartment in downtown Columbus, Stef apparently answered a question from earlier in the day, but one that I wasn’t aware of.  (For me), out of nowhere, she replied, “The People.”  Without even knowing neither 1) that an earlier question was asked nor 2) what the exact question was, Stef’s answer clicked with me and I buzzed in with: What is “what is your favorite thing about Columbus”?  Ding. Ding. Ding. 

Now let me say that I’ve heard the jokes about Ohio & Ohioians before, from many stubborn Pittsburghers- especially one.  And while I’ve learned to tune them out, I will continue to respond that I not only love Ohio but I love it the most because of its people.  From Ohio’s simple enjoyment of playing cornhole and screaming O-H (I-O) at all hours of the day/night to their loyalty to bleed Scarlett & Grey 365-days a year.  And the simple fact that every Target in Ohio is better than the best Target in Chicago.  I love Ohio and have ever since my love affair with Ohio University began as a teenager.  And as time goes on and I meet more of Ohio’s best, my love continues to grow.  Actually, I think it’s best to say that I remain in love with Ohio because of its people.  So I agree with Stef.  The best thing about Ohio is “The People”.  On all three nights in Ohio, I sat amongst friends perfectly content with where I was and whom I was with.  There was nowhere else I wanted to be.   

Tonight is the last night of my 10-day holiday break (and tour di Pittsburgh & Ohio), as I fly back to Chicago bright and early tomorrow, quite similar to how I arrived last Wednesday morning.  In thinking about everything that has occurred since that day and everyone that I’ve been able to spend time with, it certainly feels like it’s been longer than 10 days.  The amount of things that I’ve been able to cram into this past 1.5 weeks is remarkable.  Even so, I may have to argue that it hasn’t been enough time.  As I reflect on the people who have made this break so enjoyable for me, I find myself wishing that I had a suitcase large enough to pack them up for tomorrow’s flight.  Or perhaps the persuasive powers to convince them all to move there with me. 

Because we’re friends, or something like that, I’ll let you in on a little fantasy that my post-New Years Eve mind concocted on the ride home from Cleveland today.  Somewhere between Strongsville, OH and Cranberry, PA I recreated the ever-so infamous airport scene that has been played out in many romantic comedies and TV shows.  Like Friends.  Yes, in my own version I recreated the infamous Ross & Rachel airport scene from the series’ finale.  But before you get any ideas, let me explain that there was no boy playing the role of Ross in my fantasy.  (But of course it would have been nice.)  Instead, the character was played by “O-H-I-O”.  Yes, I imagined “Ohio” chasing me down at the airport and begging me, “Don’t get on the plane.  Stay with me.  Be with me.”  

Now I’m going to assume that this fantasy-sharing session brought a grin to my friend, Kristin, and she may even be already on her way to Pittsburgh International Airport to stop me from getting on tomorrow’s plane.  (I love you.)  But the truth of that matter is that it is just a fantasy.  Tomorrow morning I will be getting on that plane, leaving Pittsburgh and flying over Home*Sweet*Ohio, only to arrive in my actual (current) hometown of Chicago, IL.  And while I’ll spend tomorrow missing my friends & family, I know that I’ll be okay once I get back into my routine (aka lots of volunteering and kid therapy).  

So thank you, Pittsburgh and Ohio, for welcoming me back with open arms and gracing me with 10 days of clarity and A.MAY.ZING. dates with friends and family.  It was great to be back again. 

And Ohio, thank you for giving me a place to call my own; making me feel that I belong; and allowing me still love you even after I left.  (Remember: It wasn’t you, it was definitely me.)  I will continue to miss you more each day, but I promise you’ll see me again soon.  After all, you know I cannot stay away from you too long.  In fact, I’ll be back February 18th if not sooner.  Take care of my lovelies for me and let them know that I’m only a short Megabus ride away.

Song of the Moment: How I Love You by Rob Laufer