More now than any other time in my life (thus far), I am completely aware of the transitional periods that life throws upon us. For example, those few months between college graduation and “the real world” presented many challenging moments for me as I tried to figure out those inevitable questions “Who am I?” and “What do I do now?”.
But while those days were rough in their own way, this new phase of life certainly brings up many new ideas and challenges that I’ve really never given too much thought to in the past.
When you’re a single lady, as I was for nearly 28 1/2 years, your ideology is focused on friends, job, bills, and boys. You spend most of your time texting with your friends and Facebook stalking all of those ex-crushes from your past. On the weekends, you daydream over glasses of wine what life would be like with a boyfriend.
Then you find yourself with a boyfriend… and before you know it, you’re in love.
And soon you’re engaged and planning a wedding.
But what no one really tells you is that once the bliss of the engagement wears off, you find yourself stuck in the spotlight of decision-making. Every phone call is asking about dates, venues, colors, and guest lists. Every email is about bridal shows, dresses, flowers, and registries.
To be honest, I keep thinking to myself, Can’t we just get married already? Should we just elope and get it over with? I bring it up to Cubby every other week just to see how he’s doing. I mean we are about thirteen and a half months from the BIG DAY and most days I don’t want to wait! I always tell him, “I would have married you yesterday”.
Okay, enough of the gushy stuff. I still need to take about babies!!
Babies! Babies! Babies!
All over my Facebook feed, people are announcing their pregnancies. People from high school, from college, from past jobs… everyone is having babies! It’s such a beautiful time in life for these people.
With being around kids at least five days a week, and seeing all of these adorable baby pictures, I’ll come forth and admit that I’ve found myself thinking about having babies of my own. Okay, I’ve done more than thinking about it- I’ve actually started making a list of baby names. Crazy, right? What’s crazy is that I’m more worried that someone will take my names before I have these children I’m daydreaming about. (I admit, I really am crazy.)
But seriously, is this normal? Am I normal? Once you’ve set a wedding date, does is the brain programmed to start thinking about babies?
All I know is that the thirties are proving to bring a lot of changes into my life, and I’m actually ready for them. Although, I think I’ll wait another two years (or more) to have a baby.
A few weeks ago, my dad asked me, “Do you still have your blog?” I answered with a strong “yes”, but then found myself explaining (aka making excuses) that while I have a blog, it’s not necessarily something that I would classify it as an active blog. And for those of you who have read my blog before, you will certainly agree with me.
Thirteen months ago, my life changed when I met my boyfriend, who I have referred to as Cubby, in my favorite country bar on good ole fashioned Sunday Funday here in Chicago. Thirteen months ago was also about halfway through my two-year graduate school program and near the time that my internship applications were due. In addition, it was also around the time that I made the decision to renew my one-bedroom apartment lease for another year, and rationing that it would be the last time since a year later I was planning to apply for positions across the country following my graduation.
But that was then, and this is now. Now I am sitting here surrounded by boxes anxiously waiting for the next three sleeps to pass so I can move into my new apartment with “my keeper” of a boyfriend. Now I am also in possession of a Master’s Degree and the completion of a competitive internship.
Thirteen months ago, I made the decision to go outside my comfort zone and allowed the boy from the bar to take me out on a date. About twelve months ago, I allowed myself to call that boy my boyfriend. And about seven months ago, I allowed myself to my vulnerable with that boy by letting him move into my bachelorette pad of an apartment… and into my life in every way.
The past thirteen months since Cubby came into my life have been a beautiful blur of love and happiness, as well as the stress and challenges that school and relationships bring. But more than anything, these past thirteen months have helped me find the confidence within myself that I had been searching to rediscover for many years now.
What I’ve learned more than anything is how much one can grow when you allow yourself to take a step outside your comfort zone. As far as my story goes, by allowing myself to fall in love with Cubby and allowing him to love me, I’ve learned to love myself.
No, it was perfect because finally, here he was. The guy who wouldn’t let me get away with anything. I always thought of that as the moment you can into focus. Like, “Oh, there you were.”
Life has been busy for me. Between internship and grad school, there’s been homework and babysitting. But despite the stress and weariness, these past eight months I’ve been lucky enough to have a partner by my side. Yes, Cubby and I are still together, and we actually just hit the eight month mark. Crazy, right? To be honest, it’s pretty amazing…but more on that later.
For the past three years, I’ve been using this blog to contemplate life as a single girl and attempt to figure out what that thing called L.O.V.E. was all about. I’ve written about the boys I’ve met and the adventures that I’ve had. I’ve opened up about my struggles with anxiety and depression and shared some of the most difficult and challenging moments of my life.
But now, I’m writing to tell you that I am very happy and very in love with Cubby.
Yes, this blogger of yours is completely in love with Cubby and honestly, I can’t remember life before his name. (Cue John Mayer song, City Love.) We are in a very good place and everything seems to be getting better and better. Knock on wood. To tell you the truth, it took me a while to fully realize that I was in love with him- mostly because it’s something I’m not used to.
He is A*MAY*ZING. He really is. But above all of his wonderful traits, he is great for me. And from what he tells me, I’m great for him too. We are good together, and we are very happy.
These last eight months have been very challenging for us, as individuals who are both trying to launch their professional careers and overcome the stresses of living life in the big city. But I honestly cannot imagine how I would have gotten through these last few eight months without him. He’s been by my side (literally) during my breakdowns and through a multitude of papers and assignments that sucked the life out of me. He’s been my rock. One of my best friends.
Above all, he has loved me, and allowed me to love him.