40 days and 40 nights later…

As I vowed in a previous post, http://livelovelearnbreathe.com/2012/02/23/40-days-and-40-nights/, my Lenten promise was to give up all contact with the man known as Cleveland.  To be fair, I did break that pact, but only once.  (Sorry, Jesus.)  And in my defense, the communication that I did have was a very short and innocent text that, at the time, I felt was my final “Goodbye.  I finally moved on.”  To tell you the truth, at that time that I confidently sent Cleveland the text, I really was convinced that my feelings were gone.  But tonight, as I sit here with visions of him on my mind, I find myself relapsing after the hiatus.

What is it about him that I just can’t seem to fully let go of?  Was it our chemistry?  His insistent pursuit?  The fact that he took a chance on me when no other guy has really done that?  Or the fact that because I can’t have him, I want him even more?  But then again, am I just stressed out (yes!) from all the running around and mounds of school work that I turn to him (and the memories and chemistry we share) when I find myself needing a destressing time-out?

Even though Lent ended today, I haven’t considered contacting him.  Would I like to?  Of course.  But I know I wouldn’t hear back from him so really what’s the point?  Sure, my fearless side says, “Take a chance.”  However, common sense says, over and over again, “Let it go.”

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4 thoughts on “40 days and 40 nights later…

  1. Your thoughts keep him attached to you, when his thoughts do not. Can you change his mind? If he gave you something to believe in then hold on to that and know he is not the only one who will see that light in you …

  2. Thank you. The comforting, yet debilitating, fact is that I know I’m in his thoughts…but there’s a big reason it can only be just that. And unfortunately, it will never be more. So all we can do is move on…right?

  3. Darling, I came upon your blog today and I read a few posts seeing that I am a blogger as well. It’s quite a great venting system, isn’t it? Anyways, I wanted to tell you what I thought about when I was reading. First, where is your confidence? You seem fun, like you have a lot going for you and you’re social. Okay, so maybe you’ve had some boy troubles but we all have! Hell, in August I got out of a 10 month relationship only to find out after we broke up that he’d been cheating on me for 7 of those 10 months. Talk about problems here, sister. So focus on what YOU want. Do things that make YOU happy. Be selfish. Indulge. Allow yourself to truly LIVE YOUR LIFE. You have the world at your hands and until you stop sulking about “Cleveland” and begin looking into your bright future will you finally realize that you are better than him and were all along. Besides, what is the rush to be with a man? Okay, so you’re 28 and friend/ family pressures are weighing in, but I’m sure all your coupled and married friends are jealous of your single, independent lifestyle. You don’t have to deal with a man’s bullshit everyday and I’m assuming that everything you do is for yourself (well, for the most part). You’re young! Live your life! You have many, many years down the road to be married with a family! Lastly, if you stop looking, he will come. It always works that way. Let *him* come to you. He will. Because when *he* sees the confident you, the one living freely and happily, he will instantly fall in love. And then you’ll have everything you want 🙂 You may not agree with all i’m saying, but being an experienced young woman in the love department, I thought I’d share some insight. I hope if not all helps that at least some of it will. Now go splurge and spend a weekend in wine country like you sound like you’ve been dying to do. What better time than now? It may be the start to a new phase in your life 🙂

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