As I vowed in a previous post, http://livelovelearnbreathe.com/2012/02/23/40-days-and-40-nights/, my Lenten promise was to give up all contact with the man known as Cleveland. To be fair, I did break that pact, but only once. (Sorry, Jesus.) And in my defense, the communication that I did have was a very short and innocent text that, at the time, I felt was my final “Goodbye. I finally moved on.” To tell you the truth, at that time that I confidently sent Cleveland the text, I really was convinced that my feelings were gone. But tonight, as I sit here with visions of him on my mind, I find myself relapsing after the hiatus.
What is it about him that I just can’t seem to fully let go of? Was it our chemistry? His insistent pursuit? The fact that he took a chance on me when no other guy has really done that? Or the fact that because I can’t have him, I want him even more? But then again, am I just stressed out (yes!) from all the running around and mounds of school work that I turn to him (and the memories and chemistry we share) when I find myself needing a destressing time-out?
Even though Lent ended today, I haven’t considered contacting him. Would I like to? Of course. But I know I wouldn’t hear back from him so really what’s the point? Sure, my fearless side says, “Take a chance.” However, common sense says, over and over again, “Let it go.”