In my last post, I wrote, “This past year (with guys) has been interesting, yet disappointing.” There have been no truer words spoken by yours truly than these. Beginning with an escapade last winter, my life has been composed of “Nice to meet you” introductions at the bar to “You are a really good person, but…” dismissals over text. Yep, that pretty much sums of my (lack of) love life this past year.
On Sunday, I added another guy to my list of misfortune. To be fair, I knew it was coming; however, I thought there was a slim chance that this would last more than a few post-hookup texts. But nope, I was wrong yet again. Oh well, another one bites the dust.
It really has been quite a year and one that has brought multiple changes, both good and bad. For some reason, during these last 12-13 months, I have found myself chasing boy after boy with the hope that one of them would turn into something more than a bar drinking buddy or late night text companion. Sure there’s been all of this disappointment along the way, but I think I’m more upset with myself now than anything. When did I become a girl reliant on the attention of a guy?
And more importantly, how do I make it stop?
On Saturday morning, I woke up earlier to (FINALLY) work out for the first time a long time. During that spinning class, one of the things that popped into my mind was how I’ve somehow traded in my therapeutic workouts for pining over boys. To translate that thought, I gave up “me” time that was always very important to yours truly. Seriously lady, what’s wrong with you?
While a lot of my friends have comforted me with “he’s not good enough for you”, “you deserve someone better”, and “he’s an idiot for passing up on you” phrases, I have to say that I stand by my initial belief that the only one to blame here is myself. Why? Because I have lost sight of myself this past year. And because of that, how could I expect The Good Guy, Green Tee-Shirt, Cleveland, or any of those others that wandered in my web to really take a chance on me when I wasn’t too keen on myself in the first place?
So with a much-needed gym membership attached to my key chain, I am also taking control of my life again. I am shedding my boy worries for more “me” time and a boost of self-confident. So on that note, I think it’s time for some yoga.
PS. Thanks for bearing with me this, well, past year. And to all those guys- and honestly, there really haven’t been that many– thank you, I think, for teaching me a few lessons that will hopefully help me when that poor guy decides to stay around longer than any of you have.