To be honest, it’s all a blur. I have a hard time believing that tonight has brought the end of another Christmas. Even though I’m sitting here, staring at the lights on the Christmas tree in my parents’ living room, I have to keep reminding myself that another Christmas has passed. But the strangest thing is…it never really felt like Christmas to begin with.
Without any children here to make the holiday a little merrier and brighter, it unfortunately felt like another day with family. It’s not a bad thing, but it just made me realize how much better a holiday can feel when a child is smiling and laughing while running around opening presents and sneaking too many cookies.
The lack of holiday spirit may not merely be the absence of children. Instead it may be the absence of me. While I’ve been feeling more rested since getting home yesterday afternoon, I’m still struggling to get back to my old self again. But I will say that a Christmas gift today gave me a glimpse that things are going to soon change for the better.
So here I am, trying my best to get through this post and noticing I’m failing miserably. Every now and then I’ll glance back up at the lights on the tree in hopes that the Christmas magic will seep into my soul. But while I may feel a bit better, I know I still have a way to go before feeling strong again. A lot has happened since last Christmas- good and not so good. But I have faith that next Christmas will be a different story. The gift that I received today is just one of the reasons why I know this to be true.