For the past week this girl found herself really wanting to find comfort in the arms of a boy. Fortunately for her, she was able to find just that. While last Wednesday proved to be an emotionally destructive day, it did bring about a new friendship in the form of a guy who needed as much distraction and companionship as she did. (We’ll call him “Missouri”.) Just like me, Missouri needed someone to be there for him to help pass the time and let him know that he’s not alone. So for the last (approximately) ten days, I’ve spent at least six of those nights wrapped up in the arms of Missouri as my eyes closed and my weary mind began to rest for a few hours of sleep- or what may be better called a temporary fix.
As I sit here on a Saturday night, struggling to motivate myself to work on a 15-page paper, I realize that what this girl really wants is to feel better. She wants to knock all of her issues out the door, once and for all. She wants to overcome her struggles with stress, anxiety, (lack of) trust, and depression. She doesn’t want to hold herself back anymore. She doesn’t want to rely on the arms of a guy to make her feel better.
I’ve been listening/watching to the performance of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun from Glee all day today. Not only has it resonated with me, but it’s also made me feel as though it’s being sung directly to me. It’s as though the singer is telling me, “You haven’t been having much fun lately. You haven’t been happy. So you need to stop being in denial, stop suppressing your struggles, and really focus on dealing with your issues instead of allowing them to build up and get worse.”
I am consciously aware that running into Missouri’s arms is not the best thing to be doing right now. I know that I should stop relying on such a distraction and focus on working through my issues instead. Trust me, despite of all the crazy things I’ve been jumping into lately I still know my rights from my wrongs. I still know what’s best for me. I still know what I really need. But truth be told, sometimes I just don’t want to do the right thing. I don’t necessarily always have the patience nor the strength to do what’s right. But I think I’ve gotten to the point that I cannot keep running away by saying “I have issues”. I’m pretty such that this dose of depression has really made me think, What can I do to make this go away once and for all? How can I work on letting myself be happy instead of relying on temporary fixes, vices, and distractions? What will it take for this girl to finally be freed from the chains that weigh her down and have fun?