Last week my friend, Katy, told me, “Don’t forget to let yourself feel.” While I knew she was right, I’ve been holding off on doing that because I was doing so well the first few days and feared that I would relapse if I took a day to do just that. Well, since I relapsed anyways, I decided to let myself feel today. I think I really needed to do that, so thank you so much for the wonderful suggestion, Katy.
So where am I now, at 5:45 pm on a Saturday night? Well, I can start by saying that I’m in a much better place than I was these past 3 days. I’ve spent most of the day taking care of myself and letting myself feel everything that I’ve been trying to suppress for a while now- including stuff not directly relating to “Cleveland”. (More on this in another post.) By acknowledging some of this stuff, I’ve begun to see why I’ve struggled to let him go. And for the record, no matter what I say or have said, I did like him- even if I fought myself to make sense of it.
Katy also told me that it may help to write him a letter- even if I don’t send it. Although I’ve said some things over emails and texts to him, I never really let myself say everything. Maybe I need to- for me. To be honest, I think I need him to write me a letter but he never will. I don’t think I’m feeling up to that right now, but don’t be surprised if you see Day 10’s post including a letter.