I’m disappointed that I have to write this post, but I made a promise (mostly to myself) that I would track these 10 days during my pact to get over the guy I refer to as “Cleveland”. After doing so well for the first few days, I’m recalling the slip-ups that occured last night. Yes, I was drunk. Very drunk. I have the headache, shame, hazy memory, and a bruise on my shin to prove it.
I have to admit that the downfall started when Jenny’s text accidentally went to him instead on Monday night. Since then he’s been poking his way into my mind and making me toss & turn at night. So when I unexpectantly saw a picture of him out last night (Thanks, Facebook.), I let myself get drunk enough for me to forget that such a pact ever existed. Yes, I texted him; which led to us texting for a bit. I actually deleted all of the texts last night so I have no idea what was said, but no matter what my guilt is still running high today.
I miss him. I know I told him that. But I didn’t admit to him that I miss him wanting me. I miss knowing that someone wants me. I didn’t tell him that I’m having a hard time in several ways and that he has the tendency to make me feel better just by saying, “Hello beautiful.”
Even though my hangover is getting the best of me today, I know that today is day 7 and I have to be over him in 3 days. While I may have stumbled these last few days, I haven’t changed my mind that I need to get over him. I promise, I will.