After last night’s little incident & revelation, I woke up this morning and deleted that last email from “Cleveland”. I’ll admit to reading through it before hitting ‘delete’, but also must say that I read it without any emotion. Am I already over him? Did it only take 5 days? Did I ever really like him in the first place?
To be honest, right now I’m not entirely sure what my feelings were. Physical attraction? The aftermath of a hookup? The enjoyment of flattery? The result of someone wanting me? The temptation of someone I could never have? My tendency to go after the bad guys? All of the above?
Again, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m in such a different spot that I was during these past three months. There were nights when the anxious feelings spun my head in circles while my empty stomach felt weakened by uncertainty- Would he call me tomorrow like he said; or would he leave me waiting again? And now, I don’t even think about him- that much. Sure, last night caught me off-guard and left me thinking about him a bit more than I’d like to admit. However, no longer do I wait impatiently hoping for his “Good night, beautiful” texts. Instead I sit and wonder why I was a fool for three months.
What was it that made me go against all of my prenotions about guys in this type of situation? What was it about him? How did I let him affect me so much?
That’s where I am these days: Trying to figure out what happened to me and how to fully get back to life before “Cleveland”.