if you ask me there’s a moment in everybody’s life when you’re helpless; just helpless with hope and trust.

If there was a caption to this photo, I’d like to think it would be the following: {here is my heart. put it back together again if you dare.}  Or maybe: {i’m letting it all go.}  Yeah, that’s what it would read.  One of those two.  So, which one is it for you?  For me it’s the latter.  Especially today.  Today I really am letting it all go.

Things with “Cleveland” are officially over and even though I’ve had a hard time with it, we both know that it’s for the best.  I may need a few glasses of wine until I really believe that, but then again I really have known it all along.  But I had to let it go, once and for all; and I needed to know that he was letting me go too.

Tears unexpectedly filled my eyes yesterday- which is something I was’t going to admit to, but guess that just changed.  I don’t think they were tears of sadness.  I don’t think my heart was broken, because, to be honest, I never let myself be completely vulnerable with “Cleveland” for the simple reason that I couldn’t.  (I always knew it would end.)  But instead they were tears of hope and trust.  Hope that better days are ahead for both of us, following this decision; and trust that within ourselves we uncovered that it was truly for the best.

I cannot say that I’ve ever been in a position like this before.  I was literally fighting myself every single day between what I knew was right and what I wanted.  Somehow, I mustered up the strength- or perhaps ignorance- to be selfish and give myself what I wanted.  I let myself take a chance on something I could never have; and while I hate saying it, I don’t regret it.  I don’t regret having this knowledge and experience.  I don’t regret taking a chance on him.

So with hope and trust, I’m letting it go… once and for all.

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2 thoughts on “if you ask me there’s a moment in everybody’s life when you’re helpless; just helpless with hope and trust.

  1. It takes heaps of courage to walk away from something like this. I know it hurts but I hope you can believe me when I say that walking away from him – and this situation – really is the BEST thing you can do for yourself.

    When I had to walk away from my own “Cleveland” four or five years ago, it was THE. HARDEST. THING. I ever had to do. It took me over two years to fully get over that relationship…and him. Truthfully, he will always have a special place in my heart, but looking back on that relationship now, I know how self-destructive it was and I now know that I deserve better.

    Even walking away from my most recent relationship was a bit heart-wrenching, but I know it’s the best thing for me right now.

    You’re making the right choice. I know it’s painful right now, but I hope you believe that you deserve something – and someone – better.

    I’m really looking forward to our coffee date and to give you a GIANT HUG!

    xo

  2. Thank you, lovely lady. I’m embarrassed by how difficult this is for me, but like you said, it really is for the best. We’ll talk more over coffee and/or wine. So excited to finally meet you very soon!!

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