I’m worried that if I don’t write this post tonight that I will cave in(again) tomorrow…which could lead to the day after tomorrow too…and so on. Therefore I’m going to write this tonight. Bear with me, okay? Like these last 11 weeks, it’s been a long week. Seriously, why did I ever leave California?
Sure I regret leaving California, but it’s not like I had a choice. Yes, it felt amazing to put life on pause and escape to the exquisite beauty & serenity of Wine Country, but unfortunately, like all good things, I knew it wouldn’t last. Just like I always knew my affair with “Cleveland” wouldn’t last.
To be fair, I liked him. Okay, I still like him. But I’ve (finally) gotten to the point where that doesn’t matter. To put it simply, I cannot play the role of a fool anymore. I simply cannot keep fooling myself believing that things are going to change; that everything is going to go back to how it was in the beginning. It can’t. It won’t. So I cannot keep letting myself believe that it will. Even if he didn’t do anything wrong, per say, I think the message is finally completely clear that it’s just time to walk away.
I know some of my friends are reading this and asking, “Didn’t you let him go a while ago?”. Well, to be honest, the answer is, “Yes…but no. However I am now.” I know I should have let this go a while ago. Actually, I never should have let myself get to this point at all. But like I said, I liked him and therefore, I let myself take a chance on him. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that but I did, and I really don’t know if I regret that too much. (Though I should.) Oh well, whatever the case may be I’ve learned a lesson- or two, maybe three- from this experience. And tonight, as I write, I know that I need to let this go once and for all. So, if you’re reading this, I must thank you for bearing with me. I really needed to get this out tonight to serve as a reminder for tomorrow. So again, thank you, my witnesses. Don’t let me fall off the wagon tomorrow, okay?