fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

I’m worried that if I don’t write this post tonight that I will cave in(again) tomorrow…which could lead to the day after tomorrow too…and so on.  Therefore I’m going to write this tonight.  Bear with me, okay?  Like these last 11 weeks, it’s been a long week.  Seriously, why did I ever leave California? 

Sure I regret leaving California, but it’s not like I had a choice.  Yes, it felt amazing to put life on pause and escape to the exquisite beauty & serenity of Wine Country, but unfortunately, like all good things, I knew it wouldn’t last.  Just like I always knew my affair with “Cleveland” wouldn’t last.

To be fair, I liked him.  Okay, I still like him.  But I’ve (finally) gotten to the point where that doesn’t matter.  To put it simply, I cannot play the role of a fool anymore.  I simply cannot keep fooling myself believing that things are going to change; that everything is going to go back to how it was in the beginning.  It can’t.  It won’t.  So I cannot keep letting myself believe that it will.  Even if he didn’t do anything wrong, per say, I think the message is finally completely clear that it’s just time to walk away. 

I know some of my friends are reading this and asking, “Didn’t you let him go a while ago?”.  Well, to be honest, the answer is, “Yes…but no.  However I am now.”  I know I should have let this go a while ago.  Actually, I never should have let myself get to this point at all.  But like I said, I liked him and therefore, I let myself take a chance on him.  Maybe I shouldn’t have done that but I did, and I really don’t know if I regret that too much.  (Though I should.)  Oh well, whatever the case may be I’ve learned a lesson- or two, maybe three- from this experience.  And tonight, as I write, I know that I need to let this go once and for all.  So, if you’re reading this, I must thank you for bearing with me.  I really needed to get this out tonight to serve as a reminder for tomorrow.  So again, thank you, my witnesses.  Don’t let me fall off the wagon tomorrow, okay?

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2 thoughts on “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

  1. The first thing I read in this post is the sentence in the picture, and it really resonated in me. And then I continued to read this post and everything you have said and expressed in this, I think I have felt recently.

    The problem with dating is that we want to give men (and ourselves) a chance. We want to believe that maybe *this* guy will be the one who sweeps us off our feet and shows us why it never worked out with anyone else. But, unfortunately, more often than not, it doesn’t turn out that way. We end up falling (sometimes hard and fast) for someone who isn’t good for us, who can’t commit to us, or someone who just isn’t the person we thought they were in the beginning.

    I know it hurts. I know it’s gut-wrenching. I’ve been there before – in your exact same position with a guy like him (not sure if I told you, and if I didn’t, we can chat about it over coffee soon). I know the feelings you have. They are all too familiar to me.

    It’s okay to not be over it. Or him. It’s okay to still keep wondering, keep dreaming, keep thinking about him. It’s all part of the healing process. But just know that you are beautiful and you deserve MUCH better than anything he could have given you.

    1. Oh lady, I cannot wait to actually meet you and have an in person chat very, very soon!!! I don’t remember you telling me about your “Cleveland” so thank you for sharing that tidbit with me. It really helps to know that you- strong, amazing, beautiful you- has experienced this too and learned how to handle it all.

      I was frantically searching for an image last night before starting the post, and as soon as I found it the words started flowing. It may be not as poetic as I’d like, I’m glad you can see the honesty and emotions in this post. Thanks again. XOXO

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