This really shouldn’t be bothering me. (But it is.) This is exactly what I always knew I had to do. (But maybe I had a little bit of hope that I’d never have to?) As foolish as I was feeling last week, I’m feeling twice that today. I’m also disappointed (in him) and perhaps a bit angry. What is the point in lying to someone? Why lie to someone who has not only been patient and given you the benefit of every single doubt, but someone who has been completely honest with you too? Doesn’t sound fair, does it? But then again I cannot blame him because I should have walked away a while ago.
I shouldn’t have been waiting for him to call yesterday morning, even if he said he would. I shouldn’t have been laying around- failing to concentrate on my studying- hoping that the phone would ring and we’d finally have time together again. And when he didn’t, I shouldn’t have been at the point where I was so let down.
I shoudn’t have let myself get to the point where his actions- or better put, lack thereof- would hurt me as much as they have. I thought I protected myself enough to not let it hurt. But somewhere between his last visit and my final words, “Good luck with everything.”, I let myself be vulnerable enough to get hurt. I told him I’d take a chance (on him) and I guess I really did.
I’m not sure if I want to say anything else or if there’s even anything left to say. In truth, I want him to say some things but his unexplained absence has me doubting that wish will come true. I can’t wait around anymore. I’ve done too much of that already.
I just wish someone would have told me, as a young girl, to never believe a guy when he says he’s going to call. If I could change one thing about this world, I’d tell all the little girls never to believe a guy when he says he’s going to call. That’s what I would do. I would say, “He won’t, so don’t wait around believing he will. Never wait around for a boy to call.”