I don’t even know what to say, but something is telling me to turn to my blog for help. Actually, I was hoping that Jenny (who I am now calling “my sponsor”) would text me back and I could work through my issues with her.
So what’s going on? Actually that’s something I’d really like to know myself. The last few days have been a little funkish for me, but nothing really noteworthy. Instead, I’ve found myself to be a little thrown off by a word that keeps creeping into my mind: Fool. “I am such a fool” and “I am being so foolish” are how I’ve been seeing myself these last few days.
I wish I could elaborate more on the reasons, but this is another one of those topics that I’m going to have to be vague about. (Forgive me.) In essence, I’ve allowed myself to be in a position that I never thought I’d be in. As was mentioned in a recent post, I fought (myself) hard before deciding to take a chance on something that my conscience always labeled as “Do not enter” territory. But for some reason, I couldn’t resist. I just couldn’t walk away. Part of me still feels like I can’t, or at least doesn’t want to, but this feeling of foolishness may be making the decision for me.
I’ve always been the girl who swore she’d never be the one to let a guy make her lose sight of herself. Nope, not me. But here I am, still compromising what I’ve always stood. Here I am, checking my phone every now and then hoping that he would ask me how my day was going or see one of those “Good night beautiful.” texts that were a nightly routine once upon a time. Like I said, I’m a fool. A fool who is guilty of losing sight of herself the last few weeks. A fool who really started believing that this chance really was worth taking. But now, this fool, just doesn’t know what to believe.