For as long as I can remember, or at least since my high school days, I’ve startled people with the following phrase: “I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I don’t even see myself getting married.” The responses were typically “Kristen, you’re going to meet someone fantastic and that will all change” and/or “It would be a travesty for you to not to get married or have kids.” I was always touched by their sweet comments, but stood my ground in believing that I wasn’t entitled to the status of wife and/or mother. But lately, I’m finding that my stance on the matter isn’t so firm.
If I have to be honest here, I’ll admit that certain situations having risen this past year have me becoming more needy- in terms of relationships, etc.- than I’ve ever imagined being. Between liking the attention and being flattered by kind words of affection, I may be in more trouble than I like to lead on. Sure I’m still way too guarded for my good, but lately it’s impossible to ignore the tendencies I exhibit.
I’m not sure I can direct my new outlook on one particular boy. Maybe not even two. In essence I think many factors (and boys) are responsible for why I’m beginning to believe in things I used to deem impossible. Most important, somewhere along the way, I started shedding pieces of my guard and perhaps am now at the point where it isn’t necessarily impenetrable. Maybe I’m beginning to believe, or maybe I already do. Whatever it is, I just know that being someone’s wife and mother isn’t as ridiculous as it used to sound.
Now don’t you dare go thinking that I’m anywhere close to putting either one of those on my resume. There will be many passing nine-month intervals before you see me pushing a stroller with a ring on my finger. However, I think it’s okay to say that you may see that one day. One day being no time soon, but maybe it will happen.