what are you so afraid of? why are you feeling scared? what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?

“Sadness be gone, let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy.”

~ Annie in Happythankyoumoreplease

We talk about it.  We think about it. We over think (about) it.  We dream about it. We listen to songs about it; while others sing those songs about it.  Some of us choose to write about it, allowing others to read about it.  We hope for it.  We pray for it. We search for it.  We want it, and convince ourselves that we need it.  We go crazy for it; and sometimes we become sad because of it.  We believe it makes us happy.  We believe it makes us whole- for without it we are incomplete.  Therefore, we live for it.  We live to love and to be loved in return.

But what happens when the stars align and it’s finally found?  What happens when love is staring you right in the face- literally?  What do you do then?  How do you react?  Do you remember all those mornings you spent in bed wishing that last night’s dream would come true?  Do you remember how you swore if you found love that you’d do anything and everything to not let it get away?  Do you prevent yourself from shying away and embrace every ounce of courage you never knew you had?  Do you ignore all doubts and embrace it to the fullest? 

The sad truth is that as we get older- and coincidentally encounter more heartbreak in our lives- we tend to hold back more often than not in the presence of potential love.  Sometimes, we even go as far to run away from it.  We question it.  We doubt it.  We make excuses in our heads; and we tell lies to our hearts.  Once optimistic, now cynical.  Our dreams replaced by fears.  We deem ourselves unworthy of loving and being loved.   But why?  Are we scared of being rejected?  Afraid of getting hurt?  Do we fear going down the road of a broken heart again too much to take a chance?  Seriously, what’s up with us?  Or, better put, what’s wrong with us?

While watching Happythankyoumoreplease this weekend, I found myself mesmerized by this line: “Sadness be gone, let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy.”  This line has been with me for the last two days and still I find myself speechless yet at ease when allotting time to think about it.  It’s so honest; so real.  There’s something so sacred (to me) about this line.  Words filled with such sincerity and truth.  But still I couldn’t convince myself that it applied to me too.  However, today I remembered this-  

Just the other day I received a message from a friend from high school.  It read: “…I always knew you were amazing and thought that you would do something amazing! There was always something about you that I couldn’t explain but I was always happy to know you…you really deserve an absolutely amazing guy! Someone I can only hope to be like. If I can ever do something to help…let me know”.

My response: “I was so touched by the comments you left before, and now this!! I’m truly humbled. Per usual, I would make some kind of joke or sarcastic remark but I won’t because I know you really mean it. Because of that, all I can say is thank you.” 

Before recalling this message, I was debating about whether or not it was possible to go from seeing yourself as ‘unworthy’  to ‘worthy’; and if so, what exactly Step #1 of the process was.  But this message- which seems so simple- made me realize that my response was Step #1.  That by believing Greg’s words, even for an instant, I believed that I was indeed worthy.

I’m not going to say much more because I have a birthday boy to visit- (little Max is 2 today!)- but I’ll close by admitting that if you’ve been primarily single, like me, then you know how hard it is to keep your self-esteem going.  You also know that the slightest PDA can tip you only the edge; or if you’re like me, then I get upset when I hear girls complain about their boyfriends.  (“If they’re that bad, then don’t be with them!” is what I want to scream.)  But that’s besides the point.

What I want to say to those of us that are single is this: Embrace it.  Enjoy this moment.  Remember this moment.  Keep thinking about love.  keep dreaming about love.  Keep hoping for love, and keep praying for love.  And when it does eventually come, and it will, then do everything you can to remember how much you longed for it.  Remember all those tears you cried hoping you’d find it one day.  Don’t run away and don’t you dare be scared.  Just take a deep breath; tell yourself you deserve it; and then let yourself love and to be loved in return.

This post was inspired by the movie, Happythankyoumoreplease, which is definitely one of the best movies I’ve ever seen and one I highly recommend.  Here’s the synopsis: Captures a generational moment – young people on the cusp of truly growing up, tiring of their reflexive cynicism, each in their own ways struggling to connect and define what it means to love and be loved.

Additionally if you find yourself in a love affair with New York City, then this movie is a must-see.

Song of the Moment: Never Be Daunted  by Jaymay (on movie soundtrack)

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2 thoughts on “what are you so afraid of? why are you feeling scared? what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?

  1. I love this post and I’m definitely going to watch that movie (provided it’s available in OZ).

    Your last paragraph really hit me. As someone who has been the single girl for quite a long time, I definitely relate to the tears and the wondering and the questions. Even though I’m in a relationship now, the wondering and the questions are still with me… and maybe it’s because this relationship is still young and new, but a big part of me is still searching.

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