Like clockwork, when I haven’t been thinking about him, my first love/heartbreak, Casey, will find a way to pop into my mind. Last night he crept into my dream, which caused me to give him a few moments of my time this morning as I struggled to wake up. However, unlike many yesterdays that came before, my heart wasn’t in pain as I thought about the boy that I once believed to be “The One”. Although I was mistaken for a very, very long time of his role in my life, this morning I found myself at ease acknowledging him as the catalyst that has sent me along this journey. And what a journey it’s been!
With Casey on my mind for a bit this morning, I soon found myself thinking of a few other guys that have entered my life this past year. Mostly though, I realized the role that my past (with Casey) has played when it comes to any of these potential suitors. Truth be told, I find it impossible to imagine what would have happen if we (Casey & me) never met. And for those of you who don’t know the story, let me say that it’s probably for the best. There are absolutely no hard feelings, but simply another one of life’s lessons to be learned.
And learn is what I did. I cannot begin to tell you how much I’ve learned since that time in my life, and in a way I hold him in high regards because of what I’ve been able to learn. By far my experience with him taught me one great lesson that I carry closely with me: Do the things you’d regret not doing. There are so many things I didn’t do with Casey; so many words I didn’t say to him. And although I’ve literally been haunted by my regrets, today I use those as motivation to live a life without those same regrets.
I think it’s safe to say that is where these other guys come in. After all these years of holding back, I’ve finally reached the point where I’d rather be rejected than scarred (again) with the regret of never knowing what could have been. I mean is there anything worse than wondering what if? (Trust me, avoid it at all costs.) So despite having my heart broken for longer than I’d prefer to admit, I can honestly say that I embrace it all…now. I truly believe that the guy I once believed to be “The One” was merely one stepping stone on this journey of mine. And honestly, he was a big stepping stone that I’ll never forget.
*The title of this post is lyrics from Loud Music by Michelle Branch.