pick me. choose me.

Another day, another Grey’s Anatomy quote running through my mind.  This line was from those early seasons of the Addison- Derek – Meredith love triangle.  I can still hear Meredith’s voice cry out, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”  I remember thinking how desperate she sounded; how weak.  All because of a guy?  Because of love? Even being heartbroken and in love (or whatever we classify that time in my life as) I couldn’t fathom ever feeling that way; couldn’t imagine being dependent on another.

Well today I finally translated some of my feelings over these last few months, and I can report that it’s quite similar to those of Ms. Grey.   “Pick me. Choose me.” is what my little tested heart beats as these great guys come into my life.  Somewhere along the way my cynical heart became optimistic.  I found myself full of hope.  I began believing again… thinking that perhaps this dating/relationship/love stuff can be for me too. 

Now do you even know how difficult that is for me to admit??  But it’s the truth.

My dearest friends who know all my dirty secrets will tell you that I’ve been a Ballsy Girl lately, all for the sake of Doing the Things I’d Regret Not Doing.  And instead of running away and making excuses, per usual, I’ve let myself follow the guidance of WWCBD: What Would Carrie Bradshaw Do.

However, while I’ve been taking chances, I’m not sure that those boys have taken/are up for taking a chance on me.  Part of me thinks this my what goes around comes back around bad karma for all those guys I never gave a chance to.  But that being said, I totally understand that this whole Single Thing isn’t a black-or-white issue and that many factors that come into play after Girl-Meets-Boy.  Even if all interpretations of the guy’s actions & words point to him liking you, it still may not be as easy as him saying, “I like you,” followed by your “I like you too”, there’s still a lot of work to be done. But all that talk is nonsense to me right now because all this girl wants is a guy to literally put up his white flag and say, I want to take a chance on you.”  POOF!  That’s all! I promise I’ll take it from there.  Just say you’re up for the adventure and I’ll give you a free pass.  All you have to do is pick me… choose me… and I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.

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2 thoughts on “pick me. choose me.

  1. I wish I had as much courage as you to expose myself like this and just let it all out. Thank you for being brave.

  2. Daphne, your comment meant a lot to me; and between us, ol.going to reread it dozens of times to remind myself to keep striving to be brave. I’ve become this way because I wasn’t so brave and ballsy in the past. I regret those days and lost moments so much. So if anything, I really live to prevent that happening again.

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