decisions, decisions

The Zac Brown Band instructs me to, “Quiet your mind. Soak it all in. Enjoy the ride.”  Thanks for the advice, Zac.  I promise I’m trying my best to do just that; however, it’s a difficult task when it comes to something you’re so passionate about.  Something that you truly feel is your calling life.  (And just for the record, this has absolutely nothing to do with a boy.)

Gosh, I wish this whole thing was about a boy.  Wouldn’t that make it easier?  Or at least I wish that a boy was involved with the making of this decision because then I’d have someone else involved instead of Me, Myself, and I.  How about it?  Does anyone want to fall in love with me (and vice versa) for the time being?

When I moved to Chicago two and a half years ago, it was the first time in my life when I really, really, really wished I had a boyfriend.  I just wanted someone by my side so I didn’t have to be alone.  Like always.  I just didn’t want to take care of myself.  I wanted someone to take care of me.  Between you and me, I find myself wishing the same thing right now.

I have a big decision to make and quite frankly I have no idea what to do.  I’ve been trying to feel it out but still nothing is screaming “Yes!” nor “No!” to me.  In fact, if anything, my own heart is being torn each way.  I’m here struggling to find the perfect solution between ration and desire; what my mind thinks and my heart feels; and most importantly, what is Best For Me.  Because even if I had a boyfriend to be included in his decision-making equation, I whole-heartedly know that I’d still have to choose based on what is best for me.

My parents will tell you that I’ve never been good at making decisions.  In fact, when people ask me what I want (to do), I tend to answer with the world’s most casual, “I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine with me.”  But unfortunate for me, this time I have to make a decision.  What is that decision going to be?


3 thoughts on “decisions, decisions

  1. Now you got your readers curious. What is this big decision? And what are the two options? I guess we’ll never know…
    Thought of making a pros and cons list?
    Ahh I suck at decisions, so I’m left with wishing you good luck!

  2. I swear I forget that people actually read this! The big decision is whether or not to attend a grad school program here in Chicago. I was accepted and just got the word back about Financial Aid, but still debating about whether 1) it’s the right program for me and 2) I’m comfortable committing to all that debt.

    However, what I’ve failed to mention is that this program is for a career path that I’m extremely passionate about. Just have a few doubts, but the reality is that I know I need to follow my heart.

    Thanks for the good luck wishes!!

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