Here’s something I never told anyone before: Usually when I’m walking around- home from the children’s hospital, an errand, or the train station- and feel confused or stressed, I ask God to give me a sign. A sign of guidance or support. A sign to tell me that I’m on the right path; or a sign to direct me towards a new one.
You know what, more often than not He gives me a sign. A Simple Sign. Maybe a few raindrops. Perhaps a barking dog. And every once in a while, the grey clouds in the Chicago sky part and He shines some sunshine down on me- letting me know that He is listening.
Despite the sun shining outside, there was absolutely no sunshine within the cement walls of my office today. Unfortunately (for me) I mean that figuratively and literally. I sat at my desk, staring at my computer screen just hoping to feel something. Minutes passed…and still nothing. I wrapped my arms around myself, though I felt nothing. Absolute nothingness. Isn’t that the worst feeling in the world?
I opted to not start-up a conversation with Him today even if I knew His guidance was something I sought. However, without even asking, I found myself stumbling upon a sign. I’ll be honest and tell you that my optimism is quite low (about it) but I followed His lead and took a chance. Whatever happens, happens so I’ll just have to wait and see. The truth is, even with things going fairly well these days, I still struggle with the feeling (or lack thereof) that something is missing.
Or maybe I just need to step back and re-evaluate a few things?