no matter what you think, i’m not a kind of girl to blink and give my heart away. stop trying to steal my heart away. (stop stealing my heart away.)

I tossed and turned for hours last night while listening to this song, Heartbeat by Enrique Inglesias & Nicole ScherzingerI have no idea how I even found this song but I’m loving it right now; and most of all, I am loving these lines- No matter what you think, I’m not a kind of girl to blink and give my heart away. Stop trying to steal my heart away.

Do you want me to be honest here?  Would you like me to be completely open?  I’d actually like to but I’m having a hard time doing so.  I don’t know why.  I just don’t know where to begin.  I could tell you that I cracked out some good old-fashioned sarcasm multiple times this weekend when people asked me if I had a boyfriend.  I may feel the need to mention that I argued with two guys who told me that I was beautiful.  Or perhaps I should mention that my extremely drunk self played make-out bandit with someone I met that same night.  I could tell you about any or all of those…but I’m not going to.  Instead I’m going to say that it’s exhausting trying to not let yourself fall for someone.

It’s no secret that my walls are higher than the Eiffel Tower, but my poor guarded heart is certainly being tested these days.  I hate to say it but I almost feel defenseless.  My sarcastic remarks are running low; my cynicism is being persuaded by optimism to start believing; and each day I’m more tempted by that white flag telling me,“It’s finally time to surrender.”  New and unforeseen tricks are catching me off guard to the point where I’m up at night, tossing and turning, trying to figure out what the heck happened to me and what am I supposed to do now. 

Without saying any more tell me, what can I possibly do at this point?  Keep fighting, as best I can?  Or give in and let my heart be stolen away?

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