if i lay here, if i just lay here; would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Il dolce far niente: “The sweetness of doing nothing”.  That’s exactly what I’ve been instructed to be doing, or shall I say I’ve been instructed to do nothing.  So after weeks of trying to rest more, I finally followed everyone’s orders and took a sick day from work to do nothing but Rest, Rest, and More Rest.  Quite frankly I find it boring, but I’m making the best of it by watching movies and hibernating for a few hours at a time (aka napping).  I’m fighting every urge to visit with friends or run out for some fresh, rainy Chicago air because I know I need to stay in and rest.  Just me, myself, and I…and this couch.  It’s so boring, and honestly this own Is it exhaustion or might it be mono? game is frustrating.  Just tell me how to get rid of it!  All I want is to feel better and have energy that doesn’t require chugging a 12 oz Sugar-Free Red Bull for a temporary fix.

So it’s now 5:30 pm (Central Time) and I’m contemplating whether or not to make my friend, Sarah, deal with me tonight.  I just don’t feel like myself, which is the most aggravating thing about this whole illness/run-down thing I have going on.  Even at the zoo with Max on Wednesday evening, I found myself struggling in between his smiles and contagious giggles to find the energy to keep myself going. (FYI: He was pretty adorable, of course when is he not?  Oddly enough he was more entertained by the photo booths’ buttons and fences with holes than the huge live animals in front of him.)

(…and I fell asleep after that.  Okay, let’s try this again.)

So if the title didn’t give it away (lyrics from Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars), I’ll come out and say that this is one of those post where I’m going to admit that okay, maybe I do want a boyfriend- sometimes.  There you go.  I said it, and that’s all you’re going to get out of me.  Well…maybe a little bit more.  See on these days when I’m forced to stop and take care of myself, I tend to wish that someone was here to lay around with.  Someone to watch (and make fun of) crappy reality TV shows with, as he lets me use his lap as my pillow while running his fingers through my hair.  Someone who will take care of me; or better yet, someone who will Let Me Let Him take care of me.  And this someone knows that I’ll take care of him when he’s not feeling quite like himself.

I rarely, if ever, admit that I, too, desire to have a someone in my life.  I hint at it throughout my posts (and life) by sharing quotes, song lyrics, and hidden messages but hardly ever come out and say: I wish I had a boyfriend. 

I just fought myself to leave it like that and not include …sometimes after the word ‘boyfriend’.  Days like today, and really all of the days contained in these last few weeks, there has been no need for ‘…sometimes’ in that statement.  Other days, when I’m totally in love with my freedom to visit friends in every Ohio city and hang out with my guy friends til 5 am without having to answer to anyone, having a boyfriend only pops into my mind once or twice a day.  But today, on a dreary Friday in Chicago, I kinda-sorta-maybe wish that someone wanted to be here to take care of me, giving me every reason to lay around and forget the rest of the world.

Are you happy now?  I let my guard down and admit that I, too, am a girl- even if I try to fight it.  And as a girl, sometimes I do want someone else to take care of me.  And if this little bug of mine is a case of overexertion, then the doctor may be writing out a prescription for “Get yourself a boyfriend”.  Too bad Max isn’t much, much older.

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2 thoughts on “if i lay here, if i just lay here; would you lie with me and just forget the world?

  1. We all have times when we are weak and wish there was someone stronger to take care of us. This only proves that you are human. I have had to learn to take care of myself, and get used to living alone. I have had to learn to love myself first so that someday someone can love me. I enjoy your posts. Hope you are feeling better soon.

  2. Thank you for your well wishes and your comment. For someone who has always taken care of others and relied on taking care of herself, it’s nice to know that my desire to be taken care of is innate…even if I have a hard time accepting it.

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