regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.

I woke up thinking about him the other morning.  “Him” being that boy that I used to wake up every morning thinking about, not to mention fall asleep thinking about and waking in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, trying not to think about him.  From what I remember, he appeared in my dream and I believe his girlfriend did too. 

I’m happy to report that I was okay.  I really was, and still am.  I can’t say the same things for all those other mornings (and nights) in the past, but this time I was perfectly okay.

As I shared with you yesterday I’ve been listening to Someone Like You by Adele; in fact I cannot stop listening to this song.  (It’s on right now as I’m typing.)  This song is not only beautiful, but Adele sings it with such power & soul that I find empowering…especially for anyone that has ever been the victim of love & heartbreak.

So my friend & former roommate, Mike, used to tell me that I listen to ‘sad white people music’, and I won’t even bother wasting time trying to defend myself because Someone Like You would certainly fall into his category.  However, as I continue to listen to this song and notice the direct tie to my own experience with the first real love of mine, I’m not feeling any form of sadness.  Knowing that I could look him & his girlfriend in the eyes right now and say, “I wish nothing but the best for you” makes all the pain- as excruciating at it was at times- worth it.  Why? 

Adele found the right words to explain how I view the respective feelings on my early twenties: Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made.  Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste. 

Bittersweet.  When we look back on the past and see where we are today, noting the lessons that we’ve learned along the journey, one can only accurately describe it as ‘bittersweet’.  So many things in life prove to be bittersweet….but we don’t tend to realize the ‘sweet’ until we can accept and embrace all the ‘bitter’ components that guide us along our way.  Sometimes Most times that takes a lot of time, and confusion too.  I’m not ashamed of my mistakes nor the memory full of regrets that once plagued my mind.  They happened.  They’re all in the past…and I’m no longer there dwelling in those choices and missteps.  I’ve accepted each and everyone since instance of my life that I might have once classified as ‘bitter’ because now I know that were Blessings in Disguise.  I’ve embraced that each past love & (coincidential) heartbreak was a stepping stone in the grand scheme of this Little Life of Mine.  I may have no idea what’s next nor where I’m truly head, but I’m actually okay with that.  Maybe not every second of every day, but I’m okay.  And even more so, I’m okay if I ended up making more mistakes along my journey; however, I’m determined to live my life without any regrets.

Now I’m no expert on love, but I really did love him.  You know why I know this to be truth?  Because with every ounce of me, I want him to be happy.  His happiness is what matters to me even though I’m not the one that he’s chosen to make him happy.  This may sound ridiculous to some of you and truthfully it would have sounded such to me up until a year ago; however, life has taught me so many lessons and can only be understood by truly loving another. 

For most (if not all) of my 7-year crush/love/infatuation with that boy, I thought that I was C.R.A.Z.Y.  I felt foolish and devastatingly sad, and the photos from a large portion of those days is evidence (to me, especially) that I just wasn’t quite myself.  Those days painted me with regrets and heartache but I can see how bittersweet they really were.  “Bitter” because of the pain and anguish I felt- literally- and “Sweet” because of the experience and understanding that was gained.

May I add something else here before ending this post?  (Thank you.)  As I acknowledged, I have loved before. But this love I experienced was filled with a lot of hurt- before the acceptance & appreciation set in.  See, this love may (or may not have been) one-sided, and therefore, there’s  a lot about love that I fail to understand.  For instance, I don’t know if I whole-heartedly believe that Sometimes it Last in Love…at least for me.  This is my new ‘bitter’ that is looking for his ‘sweet’.  Like all bittersweet recognitions, only time will tell.

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17 thoughts on “regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.

  1. Stumbled upon this page by accident, but it was what i needed to hear somehow.
    Very comforting.
    THnks.
    Anonymous

  2. i found this because i typed the lyrics of someone like you on google.
    i do totally relate to the first paragraph and cant stop listening to someone like you too.
    the guy i have more than a crush on has a girlfriend too.

    just wanted to say that you are not alone in this situation or addicted to someone like you. 🙂
    – P.

  3. P,
    Thank you! Your comment means a lot to me. Isn’t it a beautiful song? Honestly I think when you care a lot about someone, know matter how much it pains you, you just want them to be happy. – which is the exact message of this song. It’s all about letting go, but embracing the feelings you have in order to do so. Thanks again.

  4. I stumbled upon this page by mistake ,but when i finished reading your post it sorta made me think that it might not have been such an accident because it was exactly what i needed to here right now. thanks alot for sharing your very comforting words . and your not the only one who is addicted to someone like you by adele .thanks again.

  5. Superb post but I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Kudos!

  6. Just like others, I stumbled upon this post by “accident”, but it actually was something that I needed to read. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it actually helps other people. 🙂

  7. As many others have said, I just chanced upon this by accident, but it really resonates with what I’m going through right now, and it helps to know I’m not the only one who’s had the experience.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. You’re so very welcome. Hearing from you really makes me appreciate everything I went through, especially since I can say that I (finally) got over those rough times…and you will too!!! 🙂

  8. Wow…….u knw wat they say “if u bump into something good cherish it” this post just reminded me of sandile and even though he broke my heart i wish him to be happy even though im not the one he has chozen to make him happy,still have hots for hi, bt life is too much to be living around misreable………..life goes on even after a heartbreak

  9. hug. I found this website by typing the lyrics of someone like you. I was also in quite similar situations, and even now, after almost two years, I still cannot say I am fully recovered. I know he has a girlfriend now, and I don’t know if I can see them together even now.
    Anyway, you are not alone. Just share you with one word from my friend: he is not the one, and you deserve a better one.
    Good luck!

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