When I think back on my History of Boys…I realize what good taste I have. Okay, there were some questionable crushes & boyfriends back in my middle school days- no names mentioned- but you Hampton kids may remember my dating track record. (Note: Sadly it was more plentiful as a pre-teen than a twentysomething.) But in all seriousness, or at least as much as I can muster up regarding this topic, I really do have decent taste in boys…which is probably why I’ve been single for so long. I kid, I kid. There really are good guys out there and I’ve been fortunate to know many of them; crush on some of them; and even make-out with a few of those heartbreakers. But that’s where the potential love story always seems to end- with a maybe I’ll see you again kiss. I swear I’ve been cursed for not sending those darn chain letters. But then again, is it really a curse since I’ve had the chance to meet, crush on, and/or kiss at least a dozen of incredible guys? Can that be considered bad luck if I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with these once-in-a-lifetime kinds of guys…even if they prove to be unattainable?
Unattainable Guys. We all know at least one guy (from our lives) that falls into this category. That middle school crush. Your first love…and heartbreak. The bartender at your favorite college bar. Mr. Perfect who you always see on your commute to work. Unattainable Guys: Those boys that have a bevy of girls chasing after ‘your guy’ that will never be yours. A group of vultures (aka girls) that your inner-thirteen year self deems is prettier and better ‘girfriend material’ than you. Unattainable Guys: Ones that you can look at and desire with every ounce you have to give, but can never call ‘mine’ (yours). Unattainable Guy-itis is what I’m going to call it, and is something that I’ve had for a while now and just cannot seem to get rid of. GRRRrrrrrr.
Yesterday I found myself continually confessing to my friend Sarah, who’s visiting from Bermuda (yes, as in ‘Bermuda, Bahama, come on, pretty mama’), that my fate in life is “To be single”. I’ve accepted it and, quite frankly, I feel like I have a lot to offer the world of Singletons and Couples based on my Forever-Role as a Single Lady. Of course Sarah’s response was like most others, “Minnie, that’s not true! You’ll meet someone when the timing is right and he’ll be fantastic because you are fantastic!” I stood strong in my belief but also engaged in a night-long on-and-off conversation (with the other girls too) about Love, Crushes, and All that Jazz in Between. Sarah also got to witness the Lovely Boy Scene that is here in Chicago, IL. Yes, please note my sarcasm. I definitely wasn’t “winning” last night, although I could care less since I was in perfect company with my ladies.
(Plus, my ♥ is with Max.)
At 2:30-3 am, after a trip to the Wiener Circle, Sarah and I changed into pajamas for an after-hours Girl Chat and viewing of He’s Just Not That Into You. As the movie began, we found ourselves talking about the Unattainable Guys in our lives, including her boyfriend of 1.5 years. Yes, her now-boyfriend was once categorized (by Sarah, herself) as an Unattainable Guy. This is the same friend, Sarah, who is most confident girl I know. The same Sarah that I’ve witnessed many of boys ogling after for 6 years now. Yes, this girl once believed that she had her eyes on an “Unattainable Guy” that wasn’t interested in anything more than a flirty (sparks flying) introductory conversation and make-out session the first night they met.
So where does this leave me? Has Sarah’s confession given me hope? Not really; however, it’s left me with this thought: What if that Unattainable Guy worries that you’re the Unattainable Girl that he can never have? What if he has the same doubts & concerns that you have about him? What if? What if.
In one chapter of my History of Boys there was one Unattainable Guy whose own history appeared to be quite similar to mine. Having had known him through my friends for a year (or so), I enjoyed having the chance to get to know him better myself- as friends (with some friendly flirting, possibly, in the mix too). To be honest, as my crush grew I found myself getting more intimidated as I realized that he was one of those guys that always had girls hoping to be The One He’d Choose. (I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I didn’t once hope the same thing.) But through that (minor) intimidation over Mr. Unattainable, I came to this realization: I may not be the beautiful girl, but I am pretty great. I may not be perfect, but I have a lot to give a guy. I may not be the one this (or that) seemingly unattainable guy will choose…but someone will (one day).
This realization is still my belief…even in rough, emotional-draining, self-esteem depleting moments like ones I had today. I have this habit for liking Unattainable Guys and I’m going to accept my fate that this isn’t going to change anytime soon. However, I’m also hoping that life will stop teasing me by throwing good guys into my path that I will never call ‘mine’. I’m hoping that I’ll continue to trump those negative thoughts and believe that me being ‘me’ makes me the most beautiful to the one that chooses me. I may not be too good at writing songs (about my History of Boys), but can continue to write my own life story. A story in which the protagonist (yours truly) comes to find that There’s No Such Thing as an Unattainable Guy, and therefore, whole-heartedly realizes that there are more than fifty reasons for a good guy to choose her (me).
*Note: As always, when I make these affirmations to myself, my hope is that you (whoever you are that reads this blog) adopt this Acceptance & Confident mindset for himself/herself. Remember, You Are Beautiful.
Song of the Moment: Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift