you think, or you know? does anybody really know when it’s right?

Once again I feel the need to apologize.  Here I am claiming to be an open book on my blog, yet I’ve been anything but that lately… for the most part.  There are many things that I’ve haven’t shared on here, including one incredible day (on Sunday) as a volunteer with Karma Kitchen and my acceptance into the Child Life grad program (here in Chicago). 

So many notes and lists are floating around my go-go-go world and none of them seem to say: STOP!  Where is that note again?  Fortunately I’ve grown accustomed to literally telling myself, “Just Breathe.” which helps to some degree.  I swear I cannot keep track of my life these days, which leads me to having no idea what tomorrow holds until tomorrow is today.  And on top of that, my apartment is a mess and I have no energy (nor time) to do anything about it. 

The truth is this: I am exhausted.  I am drained- mentally, emotionally, and physically.  And when I’m at this point, my mind can not help but think, think, and think some more.  And besides not having much time, this is another reason why I haven’t been blogging too much lately.  While writing is typically my therapy on over-thinking days, I’ve been having difficulty finding the words to express my worries, doubts, and troubled mind’s rumblings. 

In last night’s shortest post ever I shared a quote with you… one that has been sitting in my draft box for months anxiously waiting to be set free into blog world.  Yes, this infamous line of Carrie Bradshaw’s speaks of love, but my usage of the quote here is addressing the aged-old question, How do you really know when it’s right?  This question can be asked with regards to other aspects in life, besides love; however, we tend to first focus all our efforts on this most sought after topic. 

When my mind is tired I tend to struggle deciphering the difference between My Thoughts & My Feelings.  While I’ve gotten into the habit of forcing myself to get some sleep and come back to it in the morning when I sense exhaustion taking over, it’s not always the possible solution (ie. 1 pm on a weekday).  So what’s a girl to do in that case?  How does she really know when her feelings are right?  To answer both questions with one answer, She Must Know Herself Fully & Completely Because No One Else Can Tell Her What She Feels and What is Really Right But Her. 

I am the only person who can decide what is right for me; and You are the only person that can decide what is right for you.

To continue with the open book theme here, I’ll admit that I intended to use that SATC quote as an ice breaker for addressing my own questions of: How do you really know if someone is right for you?  How do you really know if someone is worth your time & effort?  How do you really know that your ‘feeling’ isn’t just another tired thought conceived by hope?  How do you really know that this time is going to be different?  How do you really know that you’re right for that someone?

One of the most beautiful things and most frustrating things (in life) is that you don’t know what’s really right.  That feeling may very well be a thought, or that thought a (mistaken) feeling.  You don’t know what’s really right, but you let yourself give it a go anyways.  You let yourself think positively and confidently that this may really be right (this time); and more importantly, let yourself feel…everything.  If you’re lucky, maybe this is that time when it’s finally right.  But maybe it isn’t that time yet; so if not, don’t give up…never give up…just let yourself keep feeling and one day it will be the right time, the right place, and the right someone. 

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