I laid in bed thinking, Happiness tends to be Temporary (for me). With that thought tumbling through my mind, as the sun rose, I knew that sleep was a long shot. If I couldn’t stop this nonsense then I was in trouble. Another sleepless night for moi. But the thought seized; and surprisingly I stopped that thought by telling myself, Just Enjoy It. I stared out the window at the snow-fallen sky one last time before closing my eyes for a few hours of sleep.
Life has been extremely kind to me lately, which makes me reflect on the night/ early morning in which that thought perpetrated my mind. Actually, if we’re being honest here, that feeling of happiness has only gotten stronger since then. Many good things have occurred these last few weeks including my trip to Athens (with Alisha, Jakob, and Kelly), an evening in downtown Columbus with Kristin and other friends, and this past weekend with Max. Additionally I’ve been fortunate to spend almost every day in the company of A*MAY*ZING friends.
As of late my mind has been very clear- even despite all the running around. Though tonight, as I let myself partake in a lazy night in, I once again found myself reflecting back on that moment of the past and recalled a line from The Time Traveler’s Wife:
“Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”
Not only is The Time Traveler’s Wife my all-time favorite novel (Note: Not movie), I often find myself thinking I am Clare Abshire (minus the whole time travelin’ boyfriend/fiancée/ husband). I’ve hung out for way, way too long (mistakenly) believing in my own version of Henry (ck). I waited…and waited….for love & happiness to enter and re-enter my life.
Maybe it’s fair to admit that I’m still waiting…though not for that “Henry”… but waiting for something. Something Real. Something Honest. Something that Challenges Me, yet Comes Naturally. Something that Makes Me Happy and is Something that I’ll Fight with Everything I Have to Hold Onto. Because (I know) when you find Something Like This, then It’s Worth The Wait and Worth Fighting For.
As I said in a post a few weeks ago, Clarity is a Beautiful Thing. I know now that happiness was temporary because I wasn’t happy within. I wasn’t happy with myself. I didn’t love myself. And truthfully, I never (fully) believed that happiness was something I deserved.
Well, my friends, I am proud to tell you that those days are a thing of the past. I am now in fighting-shape to keep Happiness here and here it will stay. I (now) know I deserve to be happy, and SO DO YOU. My hope is that you never doubt it, but if you do then come back to this post (as many times as you need to) as a reminder that You Deserve to Be Happy. You Do. You Really, Really Do.