wherever i go, whatever i do. i wonder where i am in my relationship to you. wherever you go, wherever you are. i watch that pretty life play out in pictures from afar.

I’ve been trying to write a post- something short & simple- all day.  But as you can see, no such post has yet to be written.  Here’s to hoping this turns out to be something…anything… that takes away this huge lump of anxiety from my stomach, heart, and mind. 

I’m just going to say it: Today is one of those days where I really believe that life enjoys f’ing with me.  It all started last night, with perhaps a foreshadowing moment yesterday afternoon- but I didn’t even think too much of it.  But last night, that’s when life started slapping me around and saying, What do you think of this?  And now this?  How about this too?  One thing after another. 

I feel so much and then nothing at all, and the nothingness is the worse part.  Last night as this little situation began to unfold, I took the I just don’t care anymore route and did a little something about it.  Nothing huge, but at least something.  Something more than all of the things I neither said nor did many years ago when the opportunities played our right in front of me.

I woke up this morning to my Morning Show DJs talking about fortune teller’s predictions coming true.  Even in my groggy state, I found that to be the last thing I needed to hear after last night’s discovery.  Could my tarot card reading really come true?  I guess only time will tell, but don’t worry I’m not holding my breath waiting to see. 

I don’t even know what to say about it all right now, but thankfully a few friends permitted me to write them emails and one note in the infamous Pen Pal Book to get a few Seriously??!!!  and Are you kidding me? thoughts out.  I also remember say those both out loud a few times these last 20 hours.  Sorry, neighbors.  Trust me I could have said a lot more, but I really just don’t know what to say.

I know this is vague and if anyone is actually reading this, I apologize.  But this is one of those times when this blog really is a therapy appointment for me.  So is Yoga, which I plan to do now.  And then it’s off for Baby Therapy at the hospital.  Hopefully I can feel something, and not just freezing cold, but the time I get back home tonight.

The title of this post is lyrics from In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer.  This song played last night and this part of the song just reminds me of, well, something that last night encompassed.


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