Last night while finishing my post, preparing my grad program application, and watching my daily fix of Ellen, I dodged text after text from my dear friend, Mike. I love him, I really do…but he was driving me a little crazy with all the texting. Now I really do enjoy helping my boys out when it comes to the World of Girls, but what I’ve learned from my years of experience is that you can only do so much. But I gave him as much as I could give, and will continue to do so, but as I told him, “The hard part is over. This is the chance you’ve been waiting for. Just be yourself.”
After sending that text I’m pretty sure I said this out loud, and if not then it was ‘said’ very loudly in my head: I feel like I’m in a relationship. Many relationships.
Let me rewind and share that this thought has crossed my mind many times, and especially yesterday after receiving another text from a different friend: So the other day I realized how distant our friendship is and by distant I mean not close. Of course I was taken back and responded as I saw appropriate, but the carefree version of me that I tend to be these days literally shook it off. After all, what else can I do? She’s a great friend to me and I’ve always thought I was to her. Again, what else can I do?
One of my biggest fears with moving to Chicago was that I was going to lose all of my friends. This thought was actually the main reason that I almost changed my mind after accepting the position. But fortunately my A*MAY*ZING friends proved me wrong, and in fact many of my friendships have grown even stronger these past few years.
The truth is that, like romantic relationships, you have to figure out what works for both of you. For me, personally, email proves to be the best way for me to keep in touch with people. In fact, most of the friendships that have proven the test of time & distance are the ones that I email with regularly/periodically…or mail a Pen Pal book back-and-forth to Ohio. But perhaps that doesn’t work for everyone else. Maybe I have to reevaluate and think about how I can rebuild my friendship with Jen?
In the utmost humble way of putting it, I have a lot of friends. I do. I feel very blessed to have the friends that I do and fortunate that there are so many that know me well enough and still put up with me. I’ve had a lot of ‘friends’ in my day, but right now I can honestly say that those friends that are in my life (now) are the very best I’ve ever had. I am the Lucky One. However, this lucky girl is beginning to see that she is spreading herself to thin. While agreeing with quality over quantity, I feel like I’m giving less of myself to each friend instead of being able to give much more to every one of them. Unfortunately I just don’t know how to change this.
Okay, lunch break over. Thanks for letting me clear this off my chest. If you are one of my dear friends reading this, then know that I will continue to spoil you rotten, drop everything at any time to be there for you, continue to take overnight bus trips to visit you, and always make sure that you know how appreciative I am to have you in my life.
live. love. learn. breathe. 