“at some point… you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you.”

On a dimly lit bar patio in downtown Cleveland, appropriately named The Wonder Bar, an hour after 2011 officially began, I found myself engaged in an endearing conversation with a stranger.  As a friend and/or loyal blog reader of mine, you know this is far from uncommon for me; however, this wasn’t one of my typical “so tell me how you two met…fell in love” kinda nights.  Instead, I was the one being analyzed on my own life stories.  Okay,this is beginning to sound like the makings of a first date, and it in a way maybe it was in a way.  Last Friday night/early Saturday morning, on New Year’s Eve night, I had my Tarot Cards read

First let me share that I’ve been thinking about having my cards read (again) for awhile now.  Sometime last year my friend, Dusty, read my cards and I’ve been very anxious to have it done again.  That being said, when I saw the sign on the window for “Tarot Card Reader” while entering the bar, I took it as My Sign.  I knew it was the right time to have it done…so I did.  Why not?

Now I didn’t have my cards read for a play-by-play on how 2011 was ‘destined’ to unfold.  Nope, that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted.  Instead, I wanted to begin 2011 by taking a moment for myself.  In a crowded bar surrounded by friends and after a long few weeks filled with roadtrips, family, friends, and bed bugs, I stepped into the shoes of Clarissa (on Clarissa Explains It All) to pause my go-go-go life for a few minutes to humor my curiosity.  

Okay, so let me say that I’m not the most spiritual/superstitious person in the world, but I do have a very strong intuition.  I went into the reading with an open mind, but I never once thought, “This is exactly how my life is going to unfold.”  Instead, I saw this as an experience.  Something that I did because I wanted to do it. 

After cutting the deck a dozen or so times until it felt right, I handed the cards back to Xena to begin my reading.  Any nervousness that I may have felt was eased by the alcohol in my system.  So curiosity and relaxation mixed to put myself in a total trance on that loud, crowded bar patio in downtown Cleveland on New Year’s Eve.

You have a kind heart,”  Xena informed me. 

“Too kind, sometimes,” I replied.

“But you don’t sleep well.”

I smiled back at her, agreeably, and thought, Isn’t that the truth?  She proceeded to read my cards and I continued to find myself smiling as she uncovered who I am.  My guard was down.  Alcohol or Not.  I let this stranger see me for who I really am.   She saw my flaws, my scars, and what prevents me from sleeping at night.  She saw it all.  She saw me.  All I could do is sit there in Contentment.  Smile in Agreeance.  Answer her Questions.  Tell her My Stories.  Watch my Walls Crumble.  Let Go of the Pain.  Let Me Be “Me”.

(With my walls back up now, I’ll tell you about the rest of my reading.)

As Xena read my cards, I felt as though I was someone in between a heart-to-heart with a best friend and a therapy session.  How can she (the cards) know me so well without actually knowing me?  She continued to indulge into my love life, or lack thereof, by informing me that there is a boy in my life right now who will make (you) very happy” and has “dark hair, light eyes” I swear I’m not making this up.  But she didn’t stop there. 

Xena: “Someone you loved very much will come back into your life.  There was a girl who kept him from you but he will come back.”

“He will come visit.  He wants to see you.  He’ll insist.”

Me: “What if I don’t want him to?”

…which led us into a conversation about who this “He” most likely is and the details of our past history.  As the reading continued, my cards claimed that I was “moving out West in about six months” and “be successful in the career you choose but that it will take time, about two years, for me to get there.”

So where does that leave me?  What do I think about my reading?  Why am I sharing this with you now?

The truth of it is, I had a great time and I’ll definitely do it again.  As for what my cards held, I’m not really thinking about it too much.  Coincidence?  Luck?  Fate?  Only time will tell.  All you can do is Live Your Life and See What Happens. 

Without sounding selfish, I know I have to take more time for myself and that’s what I plan on doing this next year.  And that is truly why I opted to have my tarot cards read last Friday night.  Yes, I had fun and certainly curiosity played a role in this decision.   But all in all, I dedicated those few moments (of my life) to me.  I walked away from solving the world’s problems & hearing my friends’ love life dramas and put myself first.  Hey, it’s a start.  I promise you that I’ll do it more in this next year…even if it means I must have my cards read more often.  But while the cards may tell me my fate, I know that it’s up to me to make things happen.

 

Let your conscience be your guide.

Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat Pray Love”

 

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