when we see each other time doesn’t matter. each time we see each other, it’s wonderful.

Since last Christmas, I’ve calculated having only spent 5 nights in my bedroom…in my parents’ house.  The bedroom that I claimed as a 4-year old and lived in until moving to Columbus 3.5 years ago.  The bedroom that my parents still referred to as “your room”.  (I know, they miss me.) 

So saying I was anxious about returning to Pittsburgh for the holidays is most definitely an understatement.  With a 3 am wake-up call to make a 6:55 am flight, I mustered up all my sanity and excitement in enduring the chaos that was Midway Airport yesterday.  Before I knew it, since I had passed out immediately after taking off, we were on the airport runway in Pittsburgh, and ten minutes later I was hugging my mom- whom I hadn’t seen since our late August vacation.  Being with her felt so good.  It felt really good to be home.

After breakfast at Cracker Barrel, we headed to the city to visit Grandma.  As we sat upstairs in my grandma’s bedroom, looking through all of her jewelery, I remembered sitting in that room many years ago (at least 15 years) interviewing Pap about being a Navy veteran for a class project.  It was there that nostalgia set in.  Again, it felt really good to be home.

One day, most likely under the influence of a tired state of mind, I concocted a thought, or rather proposed a question to ponder: Am I being selfish by desiring to live far, far away from my family?  Am I being a bad daughter; a bad sister; a bad granddaughter by living far, far away?  Any thoughts?  Shared experiences?

About 6 weeks ago I considered applying for a position at the Children’s Hospital in Seattle, which elicited some push-back from my parents, “We never see you now, and we can’t imagine seeing you any less if you moved all the way across the country.”   At first I found myself bitter with disappointment: How can they not understand that this is what I want to do with my life?  This is what makes me happy…don’t they want me to finally be happy?  But with honest communication, initiated by me, concerns were shared and an understanding was made.  (Note: I chose not to apply for the job in Seattle.)

So here I am, spending the next 10 days in the company of my family…with a few days in Ohio to visit friends in the mix… and I realize how much I miss my family.  But I also know that, while these last two days have been wonderful, Pittsburgh is not the city for me (anymore).  Sure, it’s been nice running into people  at Panera and Giant Eagle (which this Pittsburgh girl pronounces “iggle”…deal with it.) and having dates with my family; however, I cannot ignore the little voice that says, This is how it’s always going to be.  You’re always going to pack up and leave ‘home’ again.  Your parents are always going to live here and you’re always going to live anywhere but here.  This is your life, Kristen Medica.  This is how it’s always going to be.

Even at the age of 27 and being very much fulfilled (and busy) with life right now, I’ll still admit that I find myself homesick from time to time.  Everytime I’m sick, I wish my mom was there to make me tea & toast.  And when I feel like chillin’ out on a weekend night, I miss my dad and his tipsy talks even more.  And with Nicky, I always want him to be around for a movie date or a drive (walk) around town.   

But even though I know this holiday break is going to eventually end, I’m going to let myself enjoy the company I’m fortunate to have.  Luckily, I know the feeling is mutual…

“It’s really nice to have you home, Kristen,” my dad told me last night before heading upstairs to go to bed.   

“It’s nice to be home, Dad.” 

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4 thoughts on “when we see each other time doesn’t matter. each time we see each other, it’s wonderful.

  1. Robert Frost said,’Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in’. But I’d say its the place where you are always welcome. A place where it never feels like arriving. Its always ‘coming back’. I think all of us get that feeling living away from our family. I for one know that, since i’ve been doing so for the past 2 years and will continue to do so. But i know it kinda sucks sometimes. I don’t think it’s being selfish coz one, you are not and two, I can’t imagine a person who is a BELIEVER to be selfish. I think its always about giving somethings up for others. You get away from home to live life and do things on your own, which is very important. And i think thats what makes ‘coming back’ all the more exciting, if u see it that way!

  2. Thanks so much, Gaurav! Your comments are right on cue. Home is definitely the place where you are always welcomed…and I most certainly feel welcomed in my home right now. (It’s been so great.)

    And I appreciate your thoughts on (possibly) being selfish. I miss my family. I miss being close to many of my friends. But I truly feel like I am living my life. That I am following my passion and really able to not only help people in need, but I actually now see that I’m making a difference in this big world of ours. I see this now more clearly after reading your comment, so thank you.

    Keep living and more importantly, keep believing.

  3. “It’s a funny thing about comin’ home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You’ll realize what’s changed is you.”
    Benjamin Button
    Don’t you think he’s riht?

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