begging for the truth, so i’m saying this to you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.
Maya Angelou

If you want the truth, I have no idea what to say but I know I have to say something.  I’ve been distracted all morning and Selena just asked me what was on my mind and, like I told her, “I have no idea.”  Maybe I need to attempt to get this little bug out of my system the best way I know how: Write it out.  Let’s call it my really late lunch break, okay?

With another long weekend behind me and 3-hours of sleep the night before, I opted to call it an early night.  After adoring Aidan Shaw for a few episodes and writing my post, I turned off the lights around 7 pm and looked forward to a full 10-hour nap.  Unfortunately my body had other plans for me.  I don’t believe I fell asleep.  And I’m pretty sure I laid there, tossing-and-turning as my tired mind did the same.  As its known to do, my mind began doing that over-thinking thing; however, it didn’t end there.  Soon I found myself in tears…then shaking.  I told myself that I was just tired, which was certainly true, but I couldn’t calm down.  Even thinking of little Hazel, which I’ve begun to do when I find myself rattled up, didn’t put an end to my emotional mess. 

So what were these worries of mine?  And what was the catalyst that started it all?  Was I whiny with exhaustion or was there much more to it? 

Here I am, many hours later still trying to make sense of it all…trying to figure out the truth, with hopes that it will break me out of this mini-funk. I’m doing it for myself, but I guess I’ll also be doing this for whoever is reading this.  See, after reading an email last night I’ve been thinking about why I blog and what I blog about.  I started this blog after my friend, Adriana, explained that “it’s free therapy”, which it really is and the reason I continue to write on here.

But over time it turned into something more.  Upon discovering that 1) people actually read this; and 2) people like it – and (gasp) even find themselves inspired at times by my words- I began seeing my blog in a different light.  I realized that by opening up about my experiences, mistakes, ‘issues’, lessons learned, and bad days, I can comfort another by allowing them to see that they aren’t the only one. 

Yesterday still has me a bit shaken up, but once I figured out the truth behind the occurrence then I’m sure I’ll be categorizing it as another learned lesson.  But for now, I’m going to believe that by me experiencing that moment… and writing about it on here… I was able to comfort another by knowing that someone else has been there too.

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One thought on “begging for the truth, so i’m saying this to you.

  1. yep – been there. just bone-tired, physically, emotionally, the whole nine yards. it’s a rotten feeling, but it passes, eventually. as for the motivations behind the breakdown? those’ll become clear in time too. it may not be a bolt-from-the-blue revelation, but all will be revealed when the time is right.

    hope you feel better soon.

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