if i were a boy…

Girls. You never know what they’re going to think.
J. D. Salinger

On top of everything else that this week has handed me, my longtime friend, Matt, asked me to give my professional female perspective to help him with the girl in his life.  As he downloaded the plot of his girl story, I immediately found myself seeing it oh-so clearly- as far as her perspective goes.  Being a boy, he, of course, didn’t see it as such, but it doesn’t take much for a girl to understand where another girl is coming from.   In fact, I think it’s safe to say that only a girl can understand another girl. 

Yep, boys, we’re complicated…we know.  We have issues.  We hold onto the past. We think too much.  We know how we are and sometimes we hate our issues, how long we hold onto things, and all the thoughts that run around in our minds.  But above all, we just want you, boys, to love and support us for exactly who we are.

I’ve been friends with guys my entire life and have analyzed almost every possible boy-girl scenario that can be concocted.  But I always make it a point to specify that while I am a girl and a girl who is people-person, I am not an expert when it comes to romantic  relationships.  In fact, depending on my mood, I may even stress that I have bad karma when it comes to that sort of stuff.  Still, as a girl, I see it as my duty to accept the role in trying to advise guys for the good of my kind.  After all, you never know…that guy who seeks my opinion may end up marrying one of my best friends.  Seeing it that way, I tend to spill some of our secrets to clue more boys in on how we work in hopes that they’ll ‘get it’… as much as they can.

Let me say that I love all my girls, but I, for one, am glad that I don’t find myself falling in love with another version of my own complicated-messy kind.  While I think I’m a pretty low-maintenance girl, I honestly don’t know how a boy would handle me let alone some of the girls that I see roaming these Chicago streets.  (Note: Boys, there are a lot of good girls out there so don’t settle for less than that.)  Because I tend to think a lot, I wonder what it would really be like to be a boy.  What do boys see in ‘those girls’?  Why do guys tend to fall for girls ‘ike ‘that’ and not the good ones that I know are out there?   

Being friends (and more than friends, once upon a time) with Matt, I(unfortunately?) have an idea about what goes through a boy’s mind.  Add my other guy friends into the mix and I have a compilation of the World of Boys.  And that, my friends, is why I’m single.  Seriously though, I love my guy friends but I think they’ve really forced me to think even more about the lovely boy-girl scenario.  Now my own boy stories are a whole other post, but you tend to hear them on here from time-to-time, or in emails if you’re one of those heaven-sent friends of mine.  (What would I do without you, ladies?)  It’s funny because even though I’m fairly good at analyzing others’ relationships with the opposite (or same) sex, I find myself turning to others for similar feedback. 

Have I told you my theory before?  Maybe I haven’t.  Generally speaking, I believe that gay men have it best when it comes to relationships.  Reason 1: They don’t have to deal with a woman and all her complications.  Reason 2: A man knows how another man thinks & sees things.  (Reason 3 should be that they appreciate great shoes.) 

S0 boys, I promise that I’ll do everything I can to make the World of Girls a little easier for you.  XOXO.

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2 thoughts on “if i were a boy…

  1. Hi K,

    I did a random google search on a quote whose author I was trying to find, and somehow I landed on your blog. It is a curious thing that I also got to this particular posting, because my most recent relationship just fell apart over talking about “issues”. I’d talk too much about them, I’d be too complicated, the ex would say. That was listed as the number one reason for loving me AND for leaving me, (plus all the implications and arguments following from that single statement).

    If we are all so complicated (in different ways and degrees), are we bound to always be alone? Is it possible for some men to actually see through them and understand that we don’t mean bad, that it is part of who we are, and one more thing to be loved for, and not despite of? How can we explain them that none of those “issues” actually require any “fixing” but merely a close person to listen to, and give us their understanding and support?

    1. Let me first say again that I am far from an expert on relationships since my last ‘real’ one was mostly focused on drunk (him) bootycalls. But when it comes to relationships, I have a bag full of experiences with friends, family members, and others’ situations. So…saying that I write to you saying that I truly believe that someone, the right one, will love you and not leave you because of your issues. Isn’t love about loving someone unconditionally? In fact, in marriage vows, don’t people promise to stand by the others side in good times and in bad? Support our strengths and weaknesses? Stand by our side as we strive to be a better person, because of their love for us? As women AND as humans- which puts men into this category too- have issues. We are who we are because of our issues; our quirks; our flaws.

      Okay, think of friendships. Don’t we stand by our friendships even if they drive us crazy from time-to-time? How is that different from romantic relationships? If anything I would think that one would be more committed to the one he/she loves.

      If you caught me on a different day then I may have written with more cynicism about this topic, but I’ve witnessed love in many forms, especially between friends of mine, and their support of one another is why I stand my this notion. Also, I recently met a guy…a really good guy. In thinking of him, I can say that while it’s a little scary, he has me believing that I can be myself with him- flaws and all.

      Last point…no one needs ‘fixing’. I, myself, used to believe that idea but I don’t anymore. Instead I believe that you just need, as you said, someone to listen, understand, and support you…and time, to figure things out for yourself. I wish that your ex would stand by you, but I promise you that someone will. Maybe he just wasn’t the one to?

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