this is you. it’s not showy or gaudy, just simple… elegant… beautiful.

It’s a Friday night and I’m waiting for the last of my 6-dozen cupcakes to come out of the oven, and I promise you that I couldn’t be happier.  Yes, I said cupcakes- not to be confused with neither jungle juice nor jello shots.  I actually did think about pouring a glass of wine (which would probably lead to a second glass), but I’ve deemed it unnecessary. 

I’m actually quite happy being sober and making cupcakes on a Friday night, especially since the cupcakes are for a children’s hospital party tomorrow.  So not only do I get to make treats for deserving kids, I also have the opportunity to spend time with them tomorrow decorating cupcakes, doing arts & crafts, and enjoying their company.   Like I keep saying, I’m a very lucky girl.  I realized that more today as I ran around this city following multiple passions of mine- one in particular that includes why I’m making these cupcakes on a Friday night.

When your heart tells you what it wants, sometimes you just have to give in.  What my heart wants; what it craves; what it’s meant to do is help others.  No matter how tiresome my heart’s desires may make my body, I cannot deny it such pleasures.  I have to give in.  This may not make sense to everyone, and gosh, it sometimes doesn’t even make sense to me.  But this is me.  Simple little me. This is who I am.

For the most part, today was wonderful.  And very, very busy.  It began at 7 am this morning and I’m not quite sure if it’s ended yet- as my cupcakes are baked but cooling.  On top of the typical work day, I crammed multiple appointments into my day.  One was visiting with my (email) friend, Nila, who is in town from Columbus this weekend.  With both of our busy schedules this weekend, we decided to meet for a lunch date. 

Note: I need to add that this is the first time that I actually met Nila, even thought we’ve been emailing here-and-there since being introduced (over email) when I moved here two years ago. 

But yes, today was our first official meeting and it was really wonderful.  We covered so much during our lunch hour, including the mutual friend that I recently met, but the majority of our conversation centered around our shared passion and commitment towards the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  *Nila is a volunteer with the Chapter in Columbus, which is where I began volunteering.

After lunch, Nila and I ran over to the M-A-W office and met with some of the staff- all who are fantastic!  Meeting them, on top of my conversations with NIla, reminded me just how important this work is to me.  Whether it means baking cupcakes, hosting a holiday party, granting Wishes for deserving kids or volunteering at the children’s hospital, this is what my hearts wants.  This is what makes it happy.  It’s what makes it feel whole.

For so long I’ve fought against my heart…not letting it have what it wants…(and therefore) causing it even more pain.  So instead of fighting, I’m going to let it guide me.  I am going to follow my heart.  This is the only way that my heart will be happy- that I’ll be happy.

People tell me all the time that I “do too much” and that I “don’t take enough time for myself.”  Heck, my psychiatrist that I see once every three months even prescribed me to have more “me” time.  But the thing is, I wouldn’t be “me” if I didn’t do all of this.  I don’t do all of this to build-up my resume.  I don’t do any of this neither for praise nor attention.  I don’t run around trying to be popular.  I do it all because I don’t know how to not do it.  I don’t know how to be “me” without it.   

For so long I’ve told my heart that it cannot be loved in return.  That it would be hard for someone to love me and I’ve made-up a list of reasons why.  I used to tell my heart that no one would put up with my go-go-go, do-gooder lifestyle, but you know what, someone will.  One day, a good guy will.  I know that.  He’ll put up with me and support the “me” that I am.  If I want to stay home on a Friday night and bake cupcakes for kids, he’ll grab an apron and help.  And if he wants to do something he’s passionate about, I’ll support him too.  He’ll be okay with my simple little idiosyncrasies, and I’ll be okay with his.  Afterall, that’s what my heart wants and I think it’s about time that it gets just that. 


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