I found myself watching the final Chuck-Blair scene of Gossip Girl’s The Witches of Brunswick episode last night and rolling my eyes as the on-and-off-again couple recited the lines above. An eye roll during a scene about fate is certainly a first for me, as I’m usually lost in my own little world of fairy tale beliefs that true love and soulmates exist. What happened to me? Where did my beliefs go? How did they just suddenly stop- like POOF?
Why does my past belief in fate, true love, and soulmates make me feel like a fool? How did I let myself believe such foolish thoughts for so foolishly long? What was I thinking? What did I believe? And why? Why did I believe it in the first place?
It’s nothing new (for me) but these past few weeks have been fairly exhausting, and I’m run down enough to feel confused about what day it is and where I am supposed to be & when. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve spent 3 weeks in a row in Ohio and it really isn’t your home (anymore). And on top of that, there have been some additional occurrences that have literally shaken me up just a bit- in both good and bad ways. I’m not even going to waste neither your time nor mine with the bad, so don’t necessarily feel the need to abandon this post and check your Facebook feed. I promise you that it will be there- and possibly even better- when you finish reading this entire entry.
As for the good, well there’s been a helluva-lotta good that has happened to me these past few weeks, mostly occurring during my trips back to Cincinnati and Columbus to visit with friends and my little Hazel & George. OHIO: My happy place, indeed.
This past weekend threw a curveball into my life, to say the least. Between you and me, and only you and me, I’ll admit that up until Saturday night I found myself haunted by Ohio boys wearing backwards grey OSU hats. (I’ll spare you the details here.) They were everywhere and each and everyone brought a mini-flashback to my tipsy little mind. But then things changed. I soon found myself kinda-sorta-maybe-not quite being set up with a great guy and enjoying his company. While I’m sure there were still some backwards grey OSU hats amongst me, my eyes neither saw them nor did my mind see flashbacks of days past. And since then, I haven’t given a second look at a boy in any sort of grey hat. You probably don’t even understand how A.MAY.ZING. that feels for me! If any of you have ever harbored feelings for someone for far too long, you know how liberating it is when the weight you’ve been carrying around in your shoulders, your heart, your mind, and your soul disappears.
In between my go-go-go days of work, commuting, volunteering, and really who knows what else, I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly happened on Saturday night. What was it that made 7 years of heaviness disappear? I think it was a combination of a few things that night and the weeks, days, and hours leading up to it, but in essence I know that things changed that night. But why? What really happened there? How was I am to finally breathe again after that crisp fall night at Park Street Patio?
Yes, there was a boy. And a few of you lovely readers/friends of mine know that and even know who he was. And while I know I find myself with a long-anticipated crush on a what appears to be a great guy, I’m not sure exactly that he was the only one responsible for lifted all the weight from my shoulders. I really think that I played a role in that too, as did the lessons that I’ve learned from the choices (or lack thereof) that I’ve made in the past. The past really does prepare us for the future, doesn’t it?
If it wasn’t for a certain fate-filled belief that made up many years in my recent past, I may have felt differently about how things played out on Saturday. With a random mutual friend between us, I may have thought that this new boy was meant to be in my life. Instead I sit here thinking, what a crazy-cool coincidence. Instead of adopting the mindset that if it’s meant to be then it will (just) be, I’ve chosen to take it upon myself and see what could possibly be something more than mere coincidence. So in essence, instead of thinking I am doing; instead of believing I am trying; and instead of waiting I am pursuing.
Afterall, Fate may bring people into your life but it’s up to you to figure out what role they’re going to play.
~ Accept that choice is out of your hands. It’s up to the Fates to decide. XOXO ~