I’ve sat on this thought for a long time. Probably at least 6 years, if not more. But I’m not sure if I have ever voiced it out loud (to myself) or to anyone else. Instead it’s an idea that has rolled around in my mind time-and-time-again, but I never knew how best to put those thoughts & feelings into words. Lucky for me, the ever-so-talented Hannah of As Simple As That wrote the words for me:
A role model of mine once talked with me on matters of life & love and a sudden romance that can make the two hold hands with one another. She said the most meaningful kind of love that I would one day encounter is when I am fully full, wholly whole. And I reach out my hand to another who is fully full, wholly whole. And together we will not complete one another. But there will be no denying: we will make one another better. We will be each other’s superb add-ons.
~ Hannah Katy @ www.hannahkaty.com
Thanks so much, Hannah! Your thoughts have allowed me to find the words to convey mine. Once again, you are an inspiration.
Every girl knows the line from Jerry Maguire “You complete me.” – that is at fault for furthering our fairy tale notion that we are not complete without another loving us. Or as my friend, Amanda, told me at my impressionable age of nineteen (or a few days into being twenty), “One day you’ll find your puzzle piece. Your perfect fit. Then it will all come together and you’ll be complete.”
I strongly dislike admitting this, but I believed Amanda’s theory. There wasn’t a puzzle piece that I didn’t meet (figuratively speaking) that didn’t make me think of her line. But that was then, and time & experiences have definitely introduced me to new ideas. Who began this urban legend anyways? Who began this brain-washing belief we are not complete unless we have a ring on our left hand? Is this another marketing scheme from Hallmark?
Feeding off Hannah’s idea, it is I (me) who makes myself “fully full, wholly whole”. It is you who makes yourself “fully full, wholly whole”. I cannot complete you. You cannot complete me. But instead, we (as two full, whole people) that can make one another better.
Sure, I can say that now, with years of lessons learned weighing down my shoulers; however, when you’re a nineteen-year old optimistic, hopeless-romantic and fate comes and sweeps you off your feet, all ration is absent. The butterflies tingle in your stomach and daydreams fill your head with plans for
the your future: yours & his together. Soon you’re not a “me” but a “we”. You mistakenly believe that this is your other half; your destiny; la tua cantante; your soulmate. But in fact, he/she is just another person, another part of the equation instead of half of the whole. I can say this because I made the mistake, at the ripe young age of 19-20, only to learn the fateful lesson later: You are your own soulmate. You complete yourself. When you finally see that for yourself, you are saving yourself from a lot of doubt, confusion, and heartbreak.
If I only knew what I know now. When I was 19-years old, a few weeks before my first year at OU, Fate decided to play a game with me. It released its butterflies and spun my head around a few times one summer afternoon in Athens, leaving me questioning what the heck was that? To be honest I’m still not sure what “that” was nor everything that followed, but I think it’s best to classify it all as…hmm…a lesson to be learned, perhaps? Whatever it was, that “lesson” has led me to where I am today. It’s helped me see that there is no such thing as a soulmate to complete you. Instead, there is a person out there- many people in fact- that will make you better, but it is always up to you to complete yourself.
“You cannot expect someone to love you until you love yourself.” Even though she said it to me years ago (around the age of 20 years old), I can still hear my mom’s voice speaking these words to me. I’ve mentioned this before, but when she first said it to me my immediate thought was, I’ll love me when someone else loves me. But now I know the truth: My mom was absolutely 100% right. I didn’t see it at 19-years old nor at 20, and heck I didn’t even see it at 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, nor the beginning of 26. But things have changed in the past year and I see it now. At 27-years old, I finally see it more clearly than ever before. My foolish thoughts of another completing are long-gone, and instead I strive to find myself in order to better the others I encounter, as they will likewise better me.
I truly believe that all of this and “that’ was part of my life’s journey. The bumps & bruises and hills & mountains that are helping me become fully full and wholly whole. I’m not there yet, but I know I’ll get there. Knowing how far I’ve come since I was 19-years old is proof and my aspirations drive me to keep learning & growing. Others- family, friends, mentors, love interests- are there to help guide and support me along my way, but I am the one who can complete me. The only one. And one day, if completeness is truly possible, I will. And when I find him, whoever he may be, I know that I’ll be the same- but better.
Song of the Moment: Where Would We Be Now by Good Charlotte