With my green OU traveler’s mug next to me, I sit here ready to divulge into my mind: the past, present, future, and my imagination. Since the never-ending Chicago Windstorm of 2010 knocked out my Internet last night, preventing me from blogging therapy, I yearn to have that happen now. And 15 minute work break begins now…
…as I hit PLAY on my ipod as Taylor Swift’s Enchanted begins. I cannot stop listening to the songs on her new cd, Speak Now, especially this Enchanted, leading me to come up the notion that I am Taylor Swift here on my blog. No friend will be spared from praise; no good deed will go unmentioned; and no boy- past, present, and future- is safe from being characterized in a learned lesson.
The song, Enchanted, brought many ideas to the forefront of my mind. While listening to it (over and over) again this morning, I started thinking about my favorite novel, The Time Traveler’s Wife…which reminds me of my own Claire-Henry story. But that’s not what this is necessarily about. Instead it’s about how enchanting some people can be, or the effect that others can have on us. The people who entice us with their sparkling eyes, genuine smile, witty charms, and/or kind heart. They reach to shake our hand, and unknowingly touch our heart. In that moment, your life is forever changed. Just like Claire & Henry. Neither of them knew what hit them in their first meetings.
“Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insecurity. Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face.” Enchantment tends to enter one’s life when you least expect it and, coincidentally, when you need it the most. You’re tired of ‘the game of life’; worn out from the frustrations and rejections; and inevitably ready to throw in the towel. And then like clockwork in the hands of fate, you catch a friendly glimpse or a welcoming smile.
“Your eyes whispered ‘have we met?’ Across the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me. The playful conversation starts.” You talk like you’ve known one another forever. Soon find yourself saying, “Me too!” and “I used to live there”. With all of the excitement you realize that you cannot remember his name. You wonder, Did he forget mine too? All of a sudden you find yourself worrying, wondering how that can be since you just met this guy. And then calmness is restored as you hear him say, “I have to go, but it was really nice talking to you, (your name, he remembered). I hope to see you again real soon.” He smiles. You smile, and without even think you respond, “Me too, (his name, you remembered.)”
“The night is sparkling, don’t you let it go. I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home.” The rest of the night is free of doubts. The insecurities that were haunting you mere hours have evaporated from your mind. The heart that was broken and bitter is now (almost) scar-free. Soon you find yourself dancing and singing to your favorite Taylor Swift songs in your cutest pajamas; scribbling hearts all over the white board by your door; and leaving a love quote as your Facebook status, followed by a heart. And maybe, probably, as your drift off to sleep, for a brief second (or two) you imagine your wedding day. Yes, boys, we do this. We’re not crazy, it’s just those damn country love songs, romance movies, and estrogen that kidnap any ration that may have once been in our imagination. We give a simple smile and hope to see you in our dreams, and in the morning too.
“The lingering question kept me up. 2am, who do you love? I wonder till I’m wide awake. Now I’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door.” Have you ever woken up from a dream knowing that the dream held in it a sign? You wake up startled, and as the grogginess drifts away you find yourself questioning, what did that really mean? Soon you’re thinking he said “we”, does he have a girlfriend? A fiancée? A wife? Was he wearing a wedding band? Then your mind calms down and you find yourself saying out loud, “but the way he looked at me, his smile, AND HE FLIRTED WITH ME! There’s no way there’s another girl in the picture!”
“This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story ends.” The imagination is a beautiful thing. It makes you believe that you are heroine in that love song, and novel, and romantic comedy. As long as your imagination shields yourself from the doubts, you are filled with optimism and hope. You’ve forgotten the heartbreaks of your past and can only see love in your future.
“My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon.” You haven’t seen him in awhile. He hasn’t called. Sure, he didn’t get your phone number but you convince yourself that he would find a way to get it since that’s what guys (in the movies) do. Soon the doubts and protrude your mind, saying “He never liked you. Why would he? He could have any girl he wanted, why would he want you?” And soon you tell yourself, out loud, “I wasn’t good enough for him anyways. I don’t know why I ever thought he’d want to be with me.” And soon, he’s gone…though never fully forgotten as you’ll find yourself always wondering.
“Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have someone waiting on you.” On one fateful day, years later, he comes back into your life. Surprisingly he still looks the same and your feelings are just as strong, despite all the time that has passed. He still looks at you as if you were that twenty-two year old he once knew. And you look at him as though you’ve never been hurt; nor cried over the mere thought of him; nor swore you’d never talk to him again. He turns to the side and taps the woman next to him on the arm, whispering softly so none of the others in the group can hear. She looks up, right at you, and smiles as she pats him on the shoulder. He walks towards you and all you can find yourself softly saying, “Please don’t be in love with someone else.”
Real life doesn’t follow the plot of The Time Traveler’s Wife nor the lyrical pattern of a Taylor Swift song with a happily ever after ending. Sometimes we find ourselves full of enchantment by what appears to be the perfect guy for us. However, it’s not long before the bubble of hopeful possibilities bursts as he drops the “girlfriend” bomb or introduces you to his wife. It’s moments like those where the letters F.M.L. come in handy and you’re convinced that fate likes messing with you- again.
But we have to believe that one day, the jokes will be over, the winning hand will be dealt, and the stars will align. Enchantment will come again…when you least expect it. And when it does, you’ll swear that you won’t leave without giving him your cell phone number or, better yet getting his. After all guys wait for 3 days to call anyways and you don’t want to wait that long. Seriously, what’s up with that boys? And with his number in your hand (in your cell), you walk away as he whispers under his breath, “Please don’t be in love with someone else.”
Whether or not you believe in fate, in soulmates, in the concept of “The One”, it’s your prerogative. If you do believe that there is a guy/girl out there waiting to find you and love you unconditionally and forever, then let me ask you this: How long are you willing to wait? Will you wait for enchantment to strike, or will you settle for less?