Instead of writing another love letter, I think it’s time that I stop hiding behind the pen and ‘fess up to what’s really going on. I am feeling so down this week. I cannot seem to shake it. Like every other funk I went through the possible diagnosis: Sick? (No.) Period? (No.) Tired? (A little.) Sad? (More than I like to admit.) Lonely? (I guess.) In need of the weekend? (When am I not.)
So if you put all of these symptoms together, the diagnosis is quite simple. Drumroll please….I think I’m just in the wrong M-F ‘relationship’. Following? Trust me there are other symptoms that favor this diagnosis, but I’m going to save you from (some of) my ramblings. You’re welcome.
This is and isn’t how I feel. I still cannot figure out my verdict on this city. It’s far from perfect, but is it worth giving up without testing the waters of a new ‘relationship’. Do I belong here with ‘someone’ else?
I literally packed my bags and said goodbye to my friends for this relationship. I’ve given 2 years of my life, fighting every dragon along the way. I’m tired. I cannot find the energy to even wake up in the mornings- not even with the incentive of Starbucks. Is this taking chances is supposed to be? Do you man-up and face your fears only to fall flat on your face? What am I missing? Is this the reward for fighting the battle of life? Haven’t I paid enough dues to deserve something out of this deal?
Is this my fate? Where I really belong?
So maybe this is a love letter. A love letter without much love. This is my last chance letter before the goodbye:
Dear ‘Reason Why I Moved to Chicago in the First Place’,
Are you worth the fight anymore? What am I really still doing here? Do I belong here anymore? Because honestly, if I really do, then you’re going to have to step up and show me why.
Waiting for your response,
Song of the Moment: Belong by Cary Brothers