Last week a 13-year old girl made my day by saying, “You look like Beyonce.” I definitely do not. Sorry boys. Not even close. Because it’s so far from the truth I’m not sure if I should take it as flattery or not- so I didn’t. Instead I chuckled with insecurity and an “I wish” at the end.
Yep, I did it again. I trumped any form of flattery by beating myself up with negative thoughts. Why? Because that’s just what I do… and unfortunately I’m not the only one. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we our own worst critics? And most importantly, how do we make this stop?
Yesterday I uncovered a blog called The Beauty Message Challenge, that shared this startling fact: ONLY 2% OF WOMEN DESCRIBE THEMSELVES AS “BEAUTIFUL”!!! Sadly, I believe it. Not only am I one of those women in the 98% category but unfortunately I know many others who join me there too. I am surrounded by beautiful women in my circle of friends and family. And in fact, if you’re my friend and reading this now then assume I am talking about YOU! Though knowing & loving my friends, my guess is that you let that comment go in one-ear-and-out-the-other. So let me say it again more concretely. Y.O.U. A.R.E. B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. Believe me! Otherwise, as Adriana told me today- Your Ass. I’ll Kick It.
I remember this one instance on a very bittersweet graduation morning in June 2006, I was sitting in my bedroom getting ready and my roommate, Jay, stood before me in the doorway. I was getting ready to put on ‘my face’ when he stopped me and said, with such sincerity, “You don’t need make-up. You’re a natural beauty.” Even though his honesty appeared so raw, I decided he was delusional and told myself that it was just a nice gesture as he could obviously tell I was upset.
For as independent as I believe I am, I, too, have never been able to overcome the notion that you need this one thing from a guy: To tell you that “you’re beautiful”. I know, I know. I hate admitting this but it’s true. Just part of that whole fairy tale- romantic comedy- happily ever after curse that leaves us delusional hopeful for Prince Charming to rescue us (from the negativity in our own minds). Why? Why? Why?…I ask myself. Why can’t we provide that to ourselves?
If you’re a girl then you probably know the John Mayer song, Comfortable, and the infamous line- Grey Sweatpants. No Make-up. So Perfect. (Note: I almost named my blog this.) Well here’s my revelation for the day: Why do we need a guy to feel this way about us? To tell us that we’re beautiful in sweatpants and no make-up? Why can’t we just FEEL BEAUTIFUL and tell ourselves that “I am beautiful”?
Try it! Put on your favorite hoodie and/or sweats- if you don’t have them on already. Take a few moments and tell yourself I’m beautiful…just the way I am. You don’t have to say it out loud if you don’t want to. Make you’re more comfortable thinking the words I’m beautiful. Or perhaps you’re better at expressing yourself through writing. So write I’m beautiful down. Whatever works best for you to feel beautiful, do it. And I will too. Tonight, in my sweats, I promise you that I’ll do it and I hope you will too.