Yes, I’m 27 years old and I watch Gossip Girl. I didn’t at first but now I do, so let’s just get that out of the way. Judge me if you will but at least I don’t watch Jersey Shore. (I really don’t.) Annyyyywaaaysss. I watched the first episode of the new season this week and found myself sympathizing with Ms. Blair Waldorf when she uttered this line: I’ve been acting like I’m okay, but I’m not. They say it’s a broken heart but I hurt in my whole body. What if I stay like this forever?
Describing heartbreak as “I hurt in my whole body’, so true, Ms. Waldorf. However, that ‘forever’ you mention here will last no more than another episode or two as you’ll find herself back in Chuck’s arms until the next C+B crisis strikes.
But what about the rest of us Blairs & Chucks that don’t have writers creating our serendipity reunions atop the Eiffel Tower? What if we don’t have Shakespeare-esque lines and love song sountracks making it impossible not to say “Yes!”, “I do!”, and “I love you too!”? What if we’re just normal Joe & Jane from the Midwest that are filled with doubts, confusion, and regret, unable to find the speak the words “I really like you.”? What if our whole body hurts and we’re just not able to make it stop? You know for the most part I’m fine. I mean my life could be A LOT worse and I’m conscious of that. I really am. But in hearing this line and thinking about heartbreak & all that other jazz, I realized that my whole body hurts constantly. Unforuately I cannot curse off the boy that is guilty for causing me this pain nor can I drink a lot of tequila with my girlfriends and feel better in the morning. Why? See, I broke my own heart– and I continue to do so again and again. Therefore, there’s no boy nor amount of tequila that can meant my broken heart & achy body. I guess I can sum it up in one phrase: Regret is a bitch.
Breathe Again by Sara Bareillis has been on repeat on my playlist and in my head for the past week and includes the lyrics that make up the title of this post. I listen to it when I’m sad, when I’m tired, when I’m reminscent- which pretty much makes up all of my free time this week. I’ve even been listening to it just to listen to it. Why? Because it reminds me to have hope that someday all of this pain will leave me; faith that this won’t last forever.
My hope is that you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about here because I won’t wish this pain on anyone. But if you do know, then I hope this provides you with a little more comfort- knowing that you’re not the only one– and the believe that one day, you too, will breathe again.