here in these deep city lights, a girl could get lost tonight. i’m finding every reason to be gone. nothing here to hold onto. could i hold you?

 Last night after a rejuvenating spinning class with Stef (Thanks again, Stef!), I ran into a former friend from my hometown- right here in the big city of Chicago.  Of course Facebook previously notified me of her arrival and we communicated via a few messages, but seeing her in the middle of the streets was a great surprise.  And being the fact that it was my birthday, it was one of those unexpected moments that reminds you exactly where you came from and how far you’ve traveled– sometimes literally, like in my case.         

My birthday has officially come and gone, and now I sit here wondering what’s next?  What’s in store for me this year?  I’m 27 now.  Where are the fireworks?  Where are the answers?  Why do I still feel like so much is missing?  And then I remind myself that one’s birthday really is just another day and age is only a number.         

Am I allowed to have a weak moment on here tonight?  I’ve already talked to Adriana, Stef, and Julie this evening (thank you ladies!) and now I’m contemplating calling Joe to have some to shoot-the-shit with and calm down my weary mind.  I’m not sad.  Maybe my feelings can be best described as confusion?  Like when you’re on the verge of a change and you’re not quite sure how it all turns out and therefore you end up second-guessing yourself.  Okay, now you’re probably confused too so let me try to explain myself.         

(Just called Joe and left him a voicemail.  I could use his distracting stories and nonsense tonight.)    

Yesterday was wonderful.  It really was.  Other than the disappointing news that began my work day (I’m over it, mostly), it was just how I wanted it to be.  Simple, memorable, and a bit sweaty (Yay for spinning class! Thanks again, Stef!).  Anyways, yesterday I had a mini quarter-life crisis (?) epiphany.  I’m 27 years old now and my life is still practically the same.  Kristin, bless her heart, got to deal with that email and reassured me that I am nowhere near the same person that I was because of the experiences that I’ve encountered from living in The Crazy Windy City these past two years.  She’s right and I know this, but sometimes we all need someone else to remind us when life clouds our ration.  (Thanks Kristin!)  I know I’m not the same girl I used to be, and in fact I have a blog full of posts to prove it.          

So that epiphany I had centered around the idea of adopting a puppy…finally.  If you know me outside of this blog then you know that this is something I’ve talked about for awhile, especially since moving to Chicago.  However, so many factors have contributed to me not following through with these plans (yet).  But yesterday, in my ripe old age of 27, I decided to pursue one of my dreams and take a look a the lovely pet adoption organizations here in Illinois and let fate guide me along my way.  Que sera, sera.         

There’s more behind this decision but I won’t waste your time with all the details.  But I will say that after a playdate with Hazel & George, as well as a summer of Bachelorette Parties, Bridal Showers, Weddings, Engagements, Babies, and Pregnancies, I feel more maternal than I ever have before.  Perhaps it’s the Curse of 27.  Idk.  But whatever it is, I am overcome with the emotions that I want something to hold on to.  Something to be responsible for other than myself.  Something to believe in.  Something to call mine.   

I want to love and be loved, and if that just so happens to be for/from a dog for the mean time, then I’ll just have to accept my fate.  I have so much to give, and give I will.  Even though I’ve been doubting it all evening, maybe I really am ready to adopt a puppy (tomorrow/this weekend/soon).  I always knew that 27 was going to be a milestone year and if this is how it begins, then so be it.            

I could have walked those streets forever last night.  It was just one of those breezey evenings when everything felt peaceful and you’re perfectly content with where you are at the time.  Sure life here in Chi-town isn’t perfect and I really am starting to see truth in Adriana’s theory about Chicago slowly breaking up with me.  There’s not much here to hold on to but still I find myself trying to hold on to something.          

And that’s why I want a puppy.  Not entirely true, but there’s some truth behind that.  In all honesty, I just want to take care of someone(thing) other than myself.  Maybe this is a little too deep but I just want to know, maybe, that I”m worthy of having such a thing.          

Oh well, Mr. Joe Zummo just called me back so it’s time to end this post.  Good night, kids!  I’ll be sure to let you know if a puppy finds his/her way home with me tomorrow.            

          

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
Eleanor Roosevelt
         

          

The title of this post comes from lyrics of City by Sara Bareillis.  (Stef, add this song to your playlist.)

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