I haven’t cried in a long time…but I just did. Over the smallest thing too, which I will regret doing once I feel better, and I know I (eventually) will. An email. I cried over an email. An email that I anticipated getting for some time now, and an email that I set myself up for yesterday. Why? Because I couldn’t keep waiting; couldn’t keep believing in the possibility. I needed to know.
I look like a trainwreck right now after my cry session; a cry session that took place after a morning walk with no shower before nor after. (Note: I need a shower.) I am sitting Indian-style on the floor in front of a child-sized full length mirror continually glancing at my blotchy face and horrible bed head. Okay, I’m going to shower. BRB.
Do I feel better now? A little bit, I guess. Still sitting in front of this mirror and not really recognizing the girl staring back at me. She looks sad, maybe as sad as I feel.
Since I sat down in front of this mirror, actually almost immediately as I began to type the title of this post (song lyrics from Carrie Underwood’s Change) I received one of those texts that comes at the perfect time. I thought I heard something in between key strokes, and therefore, got up to check my cell for the possible message. A simple, yet very meaningful text from Stef. It was just what I needed. My tears slowed down as I responded back. (Thanks again, Stef.)
Shortly after, as I started this post, I noticed a new email in my Inbox: Darlene. Another heaven-sent friend of mine whose message came at the right time. I get to FINALLY meet Darlene & Paul tomorrow and have a much-anticipated sleepover!! Much more on that in later posts.
I need to head down to the beach because this tan is not going to appear by sitting inside, but let me finish writing about this morning’s blahness in hopes that I can get it out of my system. This morning’s email was a bit of a dream crusher for me as well as a setback. Another fantasy trumped by reality. I could say more, but that’s really the best way to describe it.
So here I am, forced to jump back on the horse and search for another way out dream to follow. Back to the drawing board…and soon, back to Chicago.
Before I end this post and do head down to the beach, let me say that I chose the title of this post to address my frustrations and confusions. Today, when a dream was denied my immediately thought was they made a mistake because they have no idea what they’re missing out on. When you aspire to make a difference in the world, through an opportunity (ie. new job), you hope that the world aligns to allow you to do so…instead of turning you down.