you’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.

I haven’t cried in a long time…but I just did.  Over the smallest thing too, which I will regret doing once I feel better, and I know I (eventually) will.  An email.  I cried over an email.  An email that I anticipated getting for some time now, and an email that I set myself up for yesterday.  Why?  Because I couldn’t keep waiting; couldn’t keep believing in the possibility.  I needed to know. 

I look like a trainwreck right now after my cry session; a cry session that took place after a morning walk with no shower before nor after.  (Note: I need a shower.)  I am sitting Indian-style on the floor in front of a child-sized full length mirror continually glancing at my blotchy face and horrible bed head.  Okay, I’m going to shower.  BRB.

Do I feel better now?  A little bit, I guess.  Still sitting in front of this mirror and not really recognizing the girl staring back at me.  She looks sad, maybe as sad as I feel. 

Since I sat down in front of this mirror, actually almost immediately as I began to type the title of this post (song lyrics from Carrie Underwood’s Change) I received one of those texts that comes at the perfect time.  I thought I heard something in between key strokes, and therefore, got up to check my cell for the possible message.  A simple, yet very meaningful text from Stef.  It was just what I needed.  My tears slowed down as I responded back.  (Thanks again, Stef.)

Shortly after, as I started this post, I noticed a new email in my Inbox: Darlene.  Another heaven-sent friend of mine whose message came at the right time.  I get to FINALLY meet Darlene & Paul tomorrow and have a much-anticipated sleepover!!  Much more on that in later posts.

I need to head down to the beach because this tan is not going to appear by sitting inside, but let me finish writing about this morning’s blahness in hopes that I can get it out of my system.  This morning’s email was a bit of a dream crusher for me as well as a setback.  Another fantasy trumped by reality.  I could say more, but that’s really the best way to describe it.

So here I am, forced to jump back on the horse and search for another way out dream to follow.  Back to the drawing board…and soon, back to Chicago.

Before I end this post and do head down to the beach, let me say that I chose the title of this post to address my frustrations and confusions.  Today, when a dream was denied my immediately thought was they made a mistake because they have no idea what they’re missing out on.  When you aspire to make a difference in the world, through an opportunity (ie. new job), you hope that the world aligns to allow you to do so…instead of turning you down.


2 thoughts on “you’re just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.

  1. This is such a beautiful and powerful post. And I’m sending hugs your way, lady!

    Remember: “This too shall pass…” Things happen for a reason, and while it may look like you missed out on a job opportunity, something BETTER is going to come your way! Keep your head up and remember that you’re AMAZING!


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