there’s no panic attacks on vacation

Today was not my day.  I could leave that as the entry for this post but instead I feel like I need to spend some time rehashing the events of the past 15 hours in order to let them go in hopes for a better tomorrow. 

It was a grey-skies day here in Stone Harbor, New Jersey, which isn’t always appreciated when you only have 6 days of vacation to begin with.  Fortunately my family and I are fairly easygoing and figured that it’s better to be at the beach on a rainy day than not at all.  So we managed to find something to entertain ourselves.  After the belgium waffle breakfast, my dad and I went for a bike ride; and at that time things were fine.  However, also immediately upon arriving back to the house, I felt my mood taking a turn. 

Was I tired?  Did I need to take a nap (at 11 am)?  Did I need coffee?  Was my blood sugar low?  Did I need something to eat? 

Whatever the problem happened to be, it stuck with me for the entire day.  I actually find myself writing this with the funk encircling me as I typed each letter, and even when I pause in hopes of an anxiety-free moment.  No such luck.

I really did try to shake this bug today.  Before venturing downtown with my mom for some rainy day shopping, I put on a cute outfit, complete with leggings and a dress/long top, with complete faith that this, accompanied with a coffee, would bring some life back to me.  Unfortunately not even my drug of  choice (coffee) could come to my rescue.  Halfway through that cup of caffeinated sanity, I found myself fighting off a panic attack as I dodged 3 ft troublemakers and spoiled brats on the downtown Stone Harbor streets and in each and every store.  Thinking about the ignorance of their parents (ie. true ‘soccer mom’ types indeed) only increased my anxiety as I resided to sitting on a stoop to escape the madness.

I absolutely love kids.  I really do.  I mean I wouldn’t be focusing all of my efforts, and a possible (temporary) relocation back to Pittsburgh, if I didn’t.  (Sometimes I’ve been thinking about during this week of R&R…or whatever we want to call it.)  But the ‘kids’ today were not those kids that make you smile when they smile, nor those kids that have you smiling on the ‘worst day of your life’ just because of the cute thing they said.  No, the kids that I came across today were the kids that were screaming “I want this” and “I want that” and throwing tantrums in the middle of an aisle as their parent(s) was whoknowswhere and probably on her/his cell phone. 

See those aren’t kids because I know kids.   And the kids that I know the reason I know I’m meant to work with kids…just hopefully not ‘those kids.”

Anyways, I came home afterwards- after witnessing 3 terrors little girls in another store and literally having my jaw drop at their brattiness and their mothers’ lack of control/ignornace- and read for a few minutes before passing out on a lounge chair in the rain.  (I just didn’t care.)  In hopes of abandoning my funk for good, I showered and put on another cute outfit as we embarked on a dinner and BYO wine at El Sole.  (Delicious.)  With a bottle of wine finished between us, we headed home for some cornhole.  Yep, tonight was not my night either because I was horribly embarrassed. 

And that brings me to now…12:30 am.  I guess the day is officially over and unfortunately my funk is not.  Seriously, who has a panic attack and anxiety-ridden day on vacation?  Hopefully this is just PMS and (fingers crossed) the sun tomorrow will cure me. 

Good night.


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